Sunday, March 7, 2021

the most powerful word is FREEWILL

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 7, 2021

Everyone seems to think that "freedom" is the most powerful word. They are wrong because the most powerful word is FREEWILL. That is what God gave all of us. If even He did not get involved in trying to control it, we shouldn't think we have the power to control it in others. We are all free to make our own choices, believe what we want to believe and do what we want to do according to our own freewill.

Most of the time, PTSD is caused by what someone did. We had no control over them but ended up paying a price for what they did. Sometimes there were legal consequences for them but other times, they got away with it. At least we think they did. The truth is, we never know how what they did affected them. That is not our problem.

We are responsible for what we choose to do afterwards. After my ex-husband tried to kill me, he stalked me for a long time. As a survivor, it was up to me do decide how to live. I chose to fight back. I chose to not allow him to destroy the rest of my life. I also chose to let the rest of my life mean something. I chose to let my "soul shine" and be a better person.


There is power in that choice. That power came from my soul and gave me peace. 

No one has the power to control anything anyone else does but we do have the power to make our own choices and there is nothing more powerful than that. Use your power to be the best person you can be and let your soul shine. That is why today the featured video is Allman Brothers Soulshine.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Soulshine
Allman Brothers Band


When you can't find the light
That guides you through a cloudy day
When the stars ain't shinin bright
And you feel like you've lost you're way
When the candle lights of home
Burn so very far away
Well you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say
He used to say soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Hey now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
I grew up thinkin that I had it made
Gonna make it on my own
But life can take the strongest man
And make him feel so alone
Now and then I feel a cold wind
Blowin through my achin bones
I think back to what my daddy said
He said Boy, in the darkness before the dawn
Let your soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people dont mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness
Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul
A woman too, God knows, she can feel like this
And when your world seems cold
You got to let your spirit take control
Let your soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Lord now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
Oh, it's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Warren Haynes
Soulshine lyrics © Buzzard Rock Music


The Allman Brothers Band - Soulshine - 
8/14/1994 - Woodstock 94

Saturday, March 6, 2021

Some people never see the light

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 6, 2021

Maybe you heard someone say, "Some people don't want to be saved." I'd like to know, "If anyone told them they could be saved or that they were worth saving?" Sometimes that is all it takes to make them want to be saved. 

If you heard the saying, "You can't save everyone" then you'll understand how hard it is to see some people suffer, when so many others heal. You wonder why the person in your life wasn't one of happy ending stories. 

Just like alcoholics and drug addicts need to reach rock bottom before they are ready to change, some never do. Sometimes you do have to give up even when you still love them.

You wonder all the time if you should have let them walk away or chased after them. Then the other questions start about how hard you tried, if you knew then what you know now, if you had been more patient, if you had been able to do the tough love stuff, if this, if that and the questions never end.

Some of the hardest cases I've had is when I explain what PTSD is and how much power they had over their future, but they expected me to wave a magic wand to make their pain go away. They didn't want to do any of the work on themselves...for themselves. 

So what do you do when some people never see the light? You do the best you can and give them a chance to want to live a happier life or not. It is a chance they wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Most of the time families fall apart because the foundation is not strong. It was built on a fantasy of making themselves feel better and nothing more. Some families fall apart because PTSD got in the way and no matter what they tried to do, no matter what they said, the one they loved decided to just suffer and let the whole family suffer with them. 

It is hard! You wonder what else you could have done but the real question you want to find the answer for is, why didn't they do what they needed to do for you?

That is because you are taking it personally. You may want to think that your love should have been enough for them to want to change. You may blame yourself. The truth is, it is and always was about them.

The only thing you can do is learn all you can about PTSD for your own sake. That way you'll understand why they acted the way they did and finally understand it had nothing to do with you. You can stop blaming yourself and put the blame where it belongs. On a past event you had no power over and no power over someone you loved. 

Sometimes there are no easy answers. Everyone is different. There are a lot more people than you know who are going through the same thing you are, but they just won't admit it.

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


I've Been This Way Before
Neil Diamond

I've seen the light
And I've seen the flame
And I've been this way before
And I'm sure to be this way again
For I've been refused
And I've been regained
And I've seen your eyes before
And I'm sure to see your eyes again
Once again
For I've been released
And I've been regained
And I've sung my song before
And I'm sure to sing my song again
Once again
Some people got to laugh
Some people got to cry
Some people got to make it through
By never wondering why
Some people got to sing
Some people got to sigh
Some people never see the light
Until the day they die
But I've been released
And I've been regained
And I've been this way before
And I'm sure to be this way again
Once again
One more time again
Just one more time

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Neil Diamond
I’ve Been This Way Before lyrics © Stonebridge Music, Stonebridge-music Inc., Sony/atv Sounds Llc Obo Stonebridge Music 

Friday, March 5, 2021

Even if nobody else sings along

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 5, 2021 

I've been singing the same tune for almost 4 decades. The beat changes as the mood changes, but the message has not changed. Same message even though too many did not sing along with me. Sorry but I refused to sell out a long time ago, even though joining the groups more interested in raising money would have made it easier on me, it wouldn't have been easier on my soul.

One of the groups who are all about raising suicide awareness contacted me to promote their business. Yes, their "business" as if making money is all that matters to them. Actually that is what they have been all about. Changing the conversation from the doom and gloom has not happened and this is the result. This is from Tampa Bay Times.
The VA noted that data continue to show 132 Americans, including 20 service members and veterans, die on average each day by suicide. And (former) VA Secretary Robert Wilkie stated: “Just as there is no single cause of suicide, no single organization can end veteran suicide alone. 
That is the result of letting people know they are killing themselves. If you Google "suicide awareness" you end up with over 9 million results and most of them are tied to veterans. What about the other Americans who also need help? We've seen that suicide awareness does not work for currently military members any more than it works for veterans. How could anyone ever think it would work on anyone? It can't and it won't but after decades of pretending it will make a difference to anyone, they continue to sing the same tone deaf tune!

I needed something to make myself feel better this morning and then as I started to search for a music video, the incredible voice of Cass Elliot popped into my head. I found the video and as I listened to it, especially the part where she sings, "You're gonna be nowhere,The loneliest kind of lonely,It may be rough going,Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do, But you gotta make your own kind of music" I felt a lot better.

If you are doing this work for the right reasons and the right way, you are probably lonely too. There is nothing glamorous about it and will not make you wealthy but it does fill your soul. Doing the right thing for the right reasons is never easy especially when you know you can change their world for the better.



When I read a suicide report, or hear about someone who never found what they needed to heal, my confidence gets shattered. I knew I could have made a difference but when I was not given the chance, it makes me depressed. I keep wondering how much more can I do so they find me? How do I compete with people making money off their heartache so they have the ability to reach more and get more money while more are killing themselves?

Yes, I was ripping myself apart until this song got me to stop and think about how it isn't my problem they are getting the attention. One day they will have to answer for what harm they have actually done. All I can do is do my best to get the message out there and help them know they can heal. To understand a happier life is waiting for them if they want it.

So, today this featured video is for us...the ones who are dedicated to changing the conversation from doom and gloom to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD because they can!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

Make Your Own Kind Of Music 
Cass Elliot, also known as Mama Cass

Nobody can tell you
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song 
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music 
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Thursday, March 4, 2021

What will life be like when it is good again?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 4,2021

Dolly Parton wrote When Life Is Good Again offering hope for when the pandemic is over, and life is good again. When I listen to her beautiful song, I can't help but think it is also what life can be like when you heal PTSD. Too many don't know what it can be good again, and I'm living proof. My husband is living proof. Thousands of others are living proof that life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD can actually be good again.
No matter how hard people try to understand, they can't if they didn't live with it. I know what the darkness is like and I also know what denial is like.

The PTSD I had in me was different than what my husband was going through. Mine only centered on my ex-husband, even though I had survived a lifetime of events. It stayed with me because first he tired to kill me and then he stalked me for a long time. I know I've told this story hundreds of times, so I'll keep it short. The nightmares and flashbacks, panic attacks and mood swings, paranoia, doubt in myself and sense of self worth suffered but in fleeting moments. All it took was the sound of a muscle car to set it all off. For decades, while I knew all the events I survived changed me. I did not notice that I had PTSD until my daughter pointed it out one day when we were talking about my ex-husband. That was hard to take for me because even as an "expert" and decades invested in helping people heal, I didn't even see it in myself. Just goes to show that people never stop learning. 

The thing is, I also know what it is like when life got good again. I healed. I got into a great relationship with myself so that I was ready to have one with the man I've been married to for over 36 years now. Life does get good again.

His life got good again too, even though he will be working on his mental health for the rest of  his life, it is a much better life than he would have had if he did not seek recovery over suffering.

If you want life to be good again for you as a survivor of whatever cause PTSD in you, then go for it. Work at it and you will have it. Did you know PTSD stops getting worse as soon as you talk about it and then you take power away from it?

Recovery is not perfect and is not a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is healing it the same way all wounds heal. You may end up with some battle scars, but they are only part of your past so you can rejoice in where you arrived!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

When Life Is Good Again
Dolly Parton

When life is good again
I'll be a better friend
A bigger person when
Life is good again
More thoughtful than I've been
I'll be so different then
More in the moment when
Life is good again
I'll open up my heart
And let the whole world in
I'll try to make amends
When life is good again
We've been brought to our knees
We've been so ill at ease
There are no guarantees
But you know life goes on
This too shall pass away
Bring new and different days
We need to change our ways
And right our wrongs
Let's open up our hearts
And let the whole world in
Let's try to make amends
When life is good again
I'll open up my doors again
And hear the message in the wind
Repent of all my sins (Hallelujah)
When life is good again
I'll try to be someone
On which you can depend
A helping hand to lend
Let's open up our eyes
And see what's goin' on
If we're to move along
From where we've been
Let's open up our hearts
And let the love shine in (shine in)
We've all got knees to bend
And we'll just pray 'til then
Ask God's forgiveness when
Life is good again
And it's gonna be good again
(It's gonna be, it's gonna be)
It's gonna be good again
It'll be alright (it'll be alright)
God's the reason for all things
You want rainbows, you get rain
We'll all be forever changed (forever changed)
I'll sail my boat and fly my kite
Walk in the park, go out at night
And hold my loved ones extra tight
When everything is on the mend
I'll even drink with my old friends
Sing and play my mandolin
We'll make it through this long dark night
Darkness fades when faced with light
But everything's gonna be alright
When life is good again

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dolly Parton / Kent Wells
When Life Is Good Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Bonus Video

Wednesday, March 3, 2021

what kind of signs are you giving

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 3, 2021

When you are on the road there are all kinds of signs. If you have PTSD, you may not be aware that you are showing signs to people in your life. There is no clarity about them at all. You may be fine one minute but a trigger sets you off. Someone says the wrong thing and you overreact to it. That rollercoaster ride of emotions is too hard to interpret. You need to do a hell of a lot more than expect them to understand you when you don't understand yourself. Imagine what it would be like if you were driving and there were no road signs at all. Everyone would have to guess and that would be very dangerous.

Leaving people in your life to guess is dangerous too. They will usually get it wrong. You need to make sure they can read the signs you are showing clearly. They don't need to know the details if you don't want to tell them. They just need to know that it isn't about how you feel about them but more about what you have going on within you.

Today the featured video is Neil Diamond, Signs
 

When you are getting help to heal, you start to understand where the mood swings are coming from and are able to control them better. Until then, don't let your silence make it worse for the people in your life. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
Signs
Words and Music by Neil Diamond

Signs that burn like shooting stars
That pass across the nighttime skies,
They reach out in their mystic language
For us to read between the lines.
Some are born who would defy them,
Others still who would deny them, signs.
Signs like moments hung suspended,
Echoes just beneath the heart
Speak in voices half remembered
And half forgotten play their part.
Signs that come as we lay sleeping
Left behind for our keeping, signs.
Sail along, sail along the reefs and the coves inside your soul.
Sail along, sail along in search of a star that you can hold.
And we journey far to where that star may lead to (lead to).
Signs that whisper in the dreams of sailors
And of river queens of paupers and of men with means,
It all depends on how it reads.
Some are born who never need them,
Others still who never read them, signs.
Sail along, sail along the reefs and the coves inside your soul.
Sail along, sail along in search of a star that you can hold.
And we journey far to where that star may lead to (lead to).
Signs, signs.
Some are born who never need them,
Others still who never read them, signs

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Les Emmerso
Signs lyrics © Sony/atv Acuff Rose Music, Unichappell Music Inc., Sony/atv Melody, Stonebridge Music, Galeneye Music, Sony Atv Music Publishing France, Sony Atv Acuff Rose Music, Stonebridge-music Inc., Sony/atv Melody Obo Aguila Publishing, Unichappell Music Inc Obo Galeneye Music 

the most powerful word is FREEWILL

PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos March 7, 2021 Everyone seems to think that "freedom" is the most powerful word. They are wrong becaus...

PTSD Patrol

PTSD Patrol
It is your life, get in and drive it