Saturday, December 19, 2020

Out Of My Darkest Hours

PTSD Patrol
Kahtie Costos
December 19, 2020

This may make you think I'm insane, but if you've been reading these posts or watching the videos....you already figured that one out.

When things were really hard, I could't talk to my friends, because they didn't want know what PTSD was. I would listen to them complain about the finest things, and get so upset as if they were complaining about something enormous...and I'd walk away knowing the difference between ego being bent out of shape, and what it was like to see someone you love suffering.

I couldn't talk to my family as much as I wanted to, because they'd usually listen, then tell me I should get a divorce. There were times when I couldn't brush off their lousy advice, so I wouldn't even open the door to it happening.

I would go for rides and listen to the radio. Most songs are love songs, which was something I didn't really want to hear, even the ones about love gone bad, didn't comfort me.

Then I found myself singing them to heaven. All my life, faith was as natural as breathing. I knew I could talk to Jesus no matter what I was going through, because of everything He went through.

One of the songs that gave me comfort,  was Gloria Estefan, I See Your Smile, especially this part.
'Cause I know I have to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
'Cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
It's bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please believe it's true
When I tell you I love you 

It was written about the relationship she had with her husband in the beginning, but for me, it reminds of my relationship with my husband as much as it did with the one I had to Jesus. 

I wasn't alone when I talked to Him. I could feel His smile and find peace in my soul, so I knew I was loved. He was the Light in my darkest hours because He filled me with hope.

No easy days, but He made it easier. No quick miracles, but He gave me strength and patience until mini-miracles turned into big ones.

He guided me to where I could learn about what my husband was going through, and what I went through. I gained the power to change by learning what was possible and how to find peace with what was impossible to change. Songs like this got us through all these years....we met in 1982.



Find something that gives you comfort, even if you have to tweak the meaning for what you need out of it.

Remember, it is your life....get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD

Gloria Estefan, I See Your Smile
I, get a little tongue twisted
Every time I talk to you
When I see you
And I'm so glad that you just missed it
The way I stared
To memorize your face.
To kiss you in my mind
Love you all the time
'Cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
It's bright enought to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please believe it's true
When I tell you I love you
I've taken too many chances
Searching for the truth in love
That's in my heart
Tell me if I made the wrong advances
Tell me if I've made you feel ashamed
'Cause I know I have to do this
Would you hold my hand right through it
'Cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
It's bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
Please believe it's true
When I tell you I love you
I had to let you know
Just what would happen
Yes, I had to let
You know the truth
I know I've got to do this
Would you hold my
Hand right through it
Would you
'Cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
It's bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
'Cause when I close my eyes
I still can see your smile
It's bright enough to light my life
Out of my darkest hour
I know this
Is true when I
Tell you I love you

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jon Secada / Miguel Morejon
I See Your Smile lyrics © Foreign Imported Prod. And Publishing 

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