Friday, April 30, 2021

head is a mess and need time to just decompress

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 30, 2021

Sometimes you just have to take a day when you need to take care of you. Days when you don't want to do anything other than rest. We all have those days, with or without PTSD. This is why today the featured video is Five Finger Death Punch I'm A Bit Little Off Today. 

Part of the lyrics is telling people to just F-off. Obviously when you are having those off days, the last thing you want is for someone to be expecting you to do something you just don't have in you to do. On those days, I want a pajama day! I want to take care of me and I don't want to do the video or the post for the day. Finding anything inspirational to say when I don't even want to brush my hair or teeth just seems futile..and torturous for me.

I don't want to be the go to person, or the one who gets things done, fixes anything, takes care of anything or anyone but myself. My head is a mess and I need time to just decompress, so I do. I give into it once in a while. Then I regain strength and come out stronger.

I had to discover that after many attempts to just push through it and recovery back to my usual self took longer. Now I know better. My head and my body, just like my spirit, know when rest is needed. So does yours. Give into it but don't make it a habit.

The other thing is, if you have been healing and, like most, you turn around trying to help someone else, you need to know that everyone is not willing to do the work. They just want someone to listen to them and not willing to change or fix a damn thing in their life.

I had that happen a few times over the years. I remember working with a civilian at the time I was just working with veterans and their families. He had PTSD from a fatal car accident, but I agreed to help him anyway. I got him to understand what PTSD was and then he agreed to get professional help but he only did it for a little while. The only time he contacted me was when he was in crisis and I'd spend hours on the phone with him. He'd agree to do what I suggested but by the next time he called in crisis, it was clear he didn't do a damn thing.

I felt sorry for him because everyone in his life walked away, and then I understood why they did. By the 30th phone call, I told him I couldn't help him anymore. I was just an average person and he was ripping my heart out. There is only so much help I could give him and only so much I am capable of doing. The only thing he really followed through with was going to get the financial help I sent him to. He got pissed off at me, but the last time I heard from him, he did get help from a professional... finally.

That was how I learned to just say enough is enough. When I saw the video from this song, that was what I related to. Just taking some time for myself for the rest of the day, doing take-out for dinner and putting my PJ's back on! You need to do that too for yourself once in a while.

 
So, yes, you do need to take some time to take care of you when you are "a little bit off" and need to.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'm a little bit off today
Five Finger Death Punch

I'm a little bit off today, something down inside me's different
Woke up a little off today, I can tell that something's wrong
I'm a little thrown off today, there's something going on inside me
I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off today
(I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off)
See, I'm a little bit off today, I cannot put my finger on it
Got up a little off today, just to play that same old song
I don't really wanna try today, I see nothing in my reflection
I'm a little bit dry today, feel like I could die today
Feel like I could die today
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I'm a little pissed off today and there ain't nothing you can do about it
I'm a little put off today and I could not tell you why
Got a really short fuse today, everyone around me's fucking crazy
I'm a little ticked off today, a little pissed off today
(I'm a little bit off today)
I told a little white lie today, I smiled and told someone I loved them
I had to say goodbye today to someone that I love
I couldn't even cry today, I think my heart is finally broken
Didn't need a reason why today, I don't need a reason why today
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I got a little too high today, got lost inside a sea of madness
Crashed a little bit hard today, crashed a little too hard today
Everybody sing
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I'm a little bit off today
Something down inside me feels so different
Just a little bit off today
You can all fuck off today

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Jason Hook / Kevin Churko / Zoltan Bathory
A Little Bit Off lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Thursday, April 29, 2021

when you have PTSD some songs have wrong message for you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 29, 2021

Someone suggested Wilson Phillips Hold On. The only thing I could think, was they didn't listen to the lyrics. If they did, then they'd know this song is not helpful, even though it is popular. The song was perfect for the movie Brides Maids because the main character messed up her own life but when you have PTSD it is the wrong message for you.



The song is a good song and I like listening to it but mission of PTSD Patrol is to help you understand what PTSD is and how much power you have over it. The songs are carefully chosen to deliver the message of the day. I read the lyrics and search to find an offical video for the post. Sometimes it is about helping you hear what you feel when you cannot find the words to express them. Other times it is to change your mood. Other times it is to offer comfort and let you know that no one is happy all the time. Mostly it is about making it feel a lot better living your life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD.

I really appreciate song suggestions. The only music I listen to are from the 70's, 80's and 90's. I'm old and I don't really listen to new music. When people send suggestions, I end up with great songs like the ones from Disturbed Sound of Silence and Five Finger Death Punch Wrong Side of Heaven. Please keep them coming if they help you with PTSD.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 



Hold On
Wilson Phillips

I know there's pain (I know there's pain)
Why do you lock yourself up in these chains? (These chains)
No one can change your life except for you
Don't ever let anyone step all over you
Just open your heart and your mind (Mmm)
Is it really fair to feel, this way inside? (Woah)
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change
Things'll go your way
If you Hold On for one more day
Can you Hold On for one more day?
Things'll go your way
Hold On for one more day
You could sustain (You could sustain)
Hm, or are you comfortable with the pain?
You've got no one to blame for your unhappiness (No, baby)
You got yourself into your own mess (Ooh)
Lettin' your worries pass you by (Lettin' your worries pass you by)
Baby, don't you think it's worth your time
To change your mind? (No, no)
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye
Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change
Things'll go your way
If you Hold On for one more day
Can you Hold On for one more day?
Things'll go your way (Oh, things'll go your way)
Hold On for one more day
I know that there is pain, but you
Hold On for one more day, and ya
Break free from the chains
Yeah I know that there is pain, but you
Hold On for one more day, and ya
Break free, break from the chains
Some day somebody's gonna make you want to turn around and say goodbye (and say goodbye)
Until then, baby, are you going to let 'em hold you down and make you cry?
Don't you know? Don't you know, things can change (Know)
Things'll go your way
If you Hold On for one more day, yeah
If you Hold On
Don't you know, things could change
Things could go your way
If you Hold On for one more day
Can you Hold On
Can you Hold On
Mmm, can you Hold On, baby
Won't you tell me now
Hold On for one more day, 'cause
It's gonna go your way
Don't you know, things could change
Things could go your way
If you Hold On for one more day, yeah
Can't you change it this time
Make up your mind
Hold On, Hold On
Baby Hold On

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Ballard Glen / Phillips Chynna / Wilson Carnie
Hold On lyrics © Universal Music Corp., Duchess Music Corp., Arlovol Music, Mca Music Publishing, A.d.o. Universal Studios 

Wednesday, April 28, 2021

What's too painful to remember

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 28, 2021

When you hear the song The Way We Were, what do you think about? Was it your relationship with someone else that ended? For me, it was the relationship I had with myself. Those days are now too painful to remember.

What is too painful for you to remember? Is it the life you had before "it" happened? Is it the way you used to think when you the life you were used to, was still the way it usually was? How about you know there is another time ahead for you? A time can come when you are happier and think of the days you were miserable as "too painful to remember" instead. That is what can happen when you heal.

I know I have to share things that happened in my past so that you are able to know what I dealt with, what I struggled with and how I healed. The events and residual left behind, were hard. It makes me sad to even think about those days. It is a lot better for me to talk about happier times, like now.
I don't live there anymore. All the events, the heartaches and misery are in the past. I don't dwell on them but this work has me remembering a lot of those times when I need to. Once I get out what I have to, I usually play a computer game or watch TV, and then I am done with that memory.

You have to make sense out of what happened and understand you had no power over "it" happening but you have power over it as a survivor now. Then you have to make peace with it. It takes a lot of work, but you can get there. You have to forgive yourself for whatever you got wrong up to this point because we are all just humans, untrained to deal with anything that isn't part of our usual life. We have to learn what has been haunting us, hurting us, is no longer in control. It doesn't deserve to be in our lives now. The only power PTSD has is what we allow it to have.

Once you understand PTSD, then you gain even more power over it. It ends up being drained out of you. While there are some parts of it left behind, there are tools to cope with what you cannot totally rid yourself of, but for the most part, each and everyday is what you will make out of it.

I've already healed and so can you. I left most of those days behind me because I'm too busy looking ahead to the next moment. That comes with practice and patience. It also comes with an understanding of myself. I know I did the best I could with what I knew at the time, as much as I know I wanted to learn all I could to discover what, if any, power I had. The more I learned, the more power I had over my own life and that, that is because I don't want to go back to the way I was instead of move to to what I can become.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Way We Were
Barbra Streisand

Memories
Light the corners of my mind
Misty watercolor memories
Of the way we were
Scattered pictures
Of the smiles we left behind
Smiles we gave to one another
For the way we were
Can it be that it was all so simple then?
Or has time re-written every line?
If we had the chance to do it all again
Tell me, would we?
Could we?
Memories
May be beautiful and yet
What's too painful to remember
We simply to choose to forget
So it's the laughter
We will remember
Whenever we remember
The way we were
The way we were

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Bergman Alan / Bergman Marilyn / Hamlisch Marvin
The Way We Were lyrics © Arlovol Music, Colgems-emi Music Inc. 

Tuesday, April 27, 2021

"It might seem crazy what I am 'bout to say" about PTSD

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 27, 2021

When you have PTSD, it can make you miserable. It makes it worse when you think that is the only way you can be. The thing is, getting help can make you a lot happier. Then you can change the way your family is feeling about themselves. Yes, you do have that kind of power. If you think you've been making them miserable, then it should be easy to understand that you can make them happier too.

When you are miserable, the last place you want to be is around happy people. Sitting there with your bad mood, surrounded by people enjoying their lives, sucks! If you want to stay in that mood, then you better duck out early. Sooner or later, their good mood will become too contagious to resist.

This morning I woke up at 5:00 in a bad mood. As I struggled to go back to sleep, failing at that made me angry. I gave up and got up, put on a pot of coffee and waited. A song came on the radio that made me want to scream. I could feel my blood pressure going up until it started to come down and my feet started to move. The next thing I knew, I was moving to the beat and felt happy about being up that early.

The song I heard this morning was Pharrell Williams, Happy!
How about you decide that the truth is, happiness is possible for you and then do something to get there? Getting help to heal helps you understand it. It begins to get you to think of ways to change the way you think about being a survivor. It also gives you hope of much better days.

Then, you can be one of the happy people miserable people catch it from!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 


Happy
Pharrell Williams

It might seem crazy what I am 'bout to say
Sunshine she's here, you can take a break
I'm a hot air balloon that could go to space
With the air, like I don't care, baby by the way
Huh (Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Here come bad news talking this and that (Yeah)
Well give me all you got, don't hold back (Yeah)
Well I should probably warn you I'll be just fine (Yeah)
No offence to you don't waste your time
Here's why
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Uh, bring me down
Can't nothing, bring me down
My level's too high to bring me down
Can't nothing, bring me down, I said
Bring me down, can't nothing
Bring me down
My level's too high to bring me down
Can't nothing, bring me down, I said
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Uh, bring me down (Happy, happy, happy, happy)
Can't nothing (Happy, happy, happy, happy)
Bring me down, my level's too high
To bring me down (Happy, happy, happy, happy)
Can't nothing (Happy, happy, happy, happy)
Bring me down, I said
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you (ayy, ayy, ayy)
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Clap along if you feel like a room without a roof
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like happiness is the truth
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you know what happiness is to you (hey)
(Because I'm happy)
Clap along if you feel like that's what you wanna do
Come on

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Williams Pharrell L
Happy lyrics © Emi April Music Inc., Emi Blackwood Music Inc., More Water From Nazareth 

Monday, April 26, 2021

What I feel has come and gone before

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 26, 2021

It is a wonderful feeling when the person who loves you, understands you. There is no need to explain something to them, because you've already done that and they remember what you said. Knowing you don't have to hide your emotions from them and they will still love you.
Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out (talk it out)
We know what it's all about
This is why the featured video today is The Carpenters Rainy Days And Mondays.

Is there a certain time of the year when you are not yourself? Are there certain weeks when you are having a harder time than usual? Are there times when nightmares and flashbacks are worse without any of your known triggers? Think about when it hit you before. Then think about what happened to you before during that time of your life. Most of the time, it is an anniversary date your mind remembers.
There are many times during the year when I am not my usual self. I don't want to talk. I am usually not hungry during those days and I want to stay in bed. I am not consciously aware of the connection between a date from my past and haunting feeling of dread. The thing that caused all of it is hard wired in my brain and it remembers the day "it" happened, even if I chose to forget it. No one can explain something you don't understand until you understand the thing itself.

Most people have a hard time finding the words to explain things to worried people who love us. Maybe you can explain it to them once, so they understand, and then have a code word for when it comes back. Tell them it is a Monday, since most people get that Monday's suck. Tell them it is a "blue day" for you since most people also understand that too. After all, they have days when they feel blue too.

You need your space. They need to know that it has nothing to do with them or anything they did. As much as you may like to avoid having conversations about what is going on with you, there are people in your life who need to know for their own sake.

Most relationships fell apart because there was too much that was not said. It left people wondering and then searching for reasons followed by blaming what made sense to them. Communication prevents all that from happening.

When in doubt, no matter what happens in your life, always wonder how you would feel if someone was acting a certain way, and what you would want them to do to ease your mind. It works and then you'll be able to experience not making them wonder what's wrong because you already know your relationship is strong...and they already know.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



Rainy Days And Mondays
The Carpenters

Talkin' to myself and feelin' old
Sometimes I'd like to quit
Nothin' ever seems to fit
Hangin' around
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
What I've got they used to call the blues
Nothin' is really wrong
Feelin' like I don't belong
Walkin' around
Some kind of lonely clown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
Funny, but it seems I always wind up here with you
Nice to know somebody loves me
Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do
Run and find the one who loves me (the one who loves me)
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out (talk it out)
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
Funny, but it seems that it's the only thing to do (only thing to do)
Run and find the one who loves me (ooh)
What I feel has come and gone before
No need to talk it out (to talk it out)
We know what it's all about
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown 
Rainy days and Mondays always get me down
Hangin' around (hangin' around)
Nothin' to do but frown
Rainy days and Mondays always get
Me down

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Paul H. Williams / Roger S. Nichols
Rainy Days and Mondays lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 
Carpenters - Rainy Days And Mondays (Official Video) 

Sunday, April 25, 2021

but normal never really existed

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 25, 2021

Why would anyone want to go back to normal? Normal accomplished nothing. Imagine if the first humans settled for "normal" they wouldn't have hunted, gotten into caves or started fires. Someone had to think that things had to change.
Hundreds of thousands of years ago, around 62 miles west of what would eventually become Marrakesh, a group of people lived in a cave overlooking a lush Moroccan landscape. They rested there, building fires to keep themselves warm. They hunted there, sharpening stone tools to bring down animals. And they died there, leaving their bones behind in the dirt. At the time, there would have been nothing particularly notable about these cave-dwellers. They were yet more Homo sapiens, members of a nascent ape species that had spread across Africa. But in their death, they have become singularly important.
“The new finds indicate that Homo sapiens is much older and had already spread across all of Africa by 300,000 years ago. They really show that the African story of our species was more complex than what we used to think.”
The Atlantic
Everything we do and have in our time, exists because people were not satisfied with normal. The food we eat, stated with someone wondering what it would taste like. Had no one invented fire, then eating raw meat could have killed them off. The clothes we wear started with ancient people killing animals, eating the meat, using their bones for tools and their hides for shelter, just as they used their fur for clothing. All the became normal for a while. Then someone else thought of something else to improve what was acceptable. Changing became normal.

Mankind wouldn't have gone from using fire and living in caves, to smart homes with everything electrical operating everything to make our lives easier, had it not been for the desire to change. We wouldn't have gone from walking everywhere, to riding horses, to buggies, to automobiles, trains and planes, if they accepted what was normal.

You may have convinced yourself that normal was working for you before you survived whatever caused PTSD. When you really think about it, you realize that you kept changing things. Changed from being a dependent infant, to adult and in control over your own life. You changed from student to worker and the chances are, you had many jobs because you needed a change...or were forced to. You went from one relationship and friendship to others. It is for sure you are still not wearing the same clothes you were when you were an infant. How many times have you changed the style? How many times have you changed your hairs style? Change is normal.

When you have PTSD, it is also change. Your life changed from what was acceptable for you, to victim, to survivor within seconds. Normal may be something you convinced yourself is something you want to go back to, but normal never really existed. It was habits you felt comfortable with doing. Are you comfortable with your habits now?

The really great thing about humans is they share how to do things. They have an idea that starts with need and then they make it happen. They pass it on and then someone else has a better idea. That pass on that so that others discover their discovery. Life gets easier for everyone until that becomes normal for a while and then, change comes again.

Even you can change again by learning from those who were not satisfied with what everyone else thought was impossible to change. People have been suffering traumatic events since the beginning of time and they paid the price after they survived it. It took someone talk about it and someone else to wonder why, before someone else discovered how to make life better. Now we know that wanting to go back to "normal" is a waste of time. It is far better to want to have a better than normal life.
Mankind's earliest literature tells us that a significant proportion of military casualties are psychological, and that witnessing death can leave chronic psychological symptoms. As we are reminded in Deuteronomy 20:1-9, military leaders have long been aware that many soldiers must be removed from the frontline because of nervous breakdown, which is often contagious: When thou goest out to battle against thine enemies, and seest horses, and chariots, and a people more than thou... the officers shall say, What man is there that is fearful and fainthearted? Let him go and return unto his house, lest his brethren's heart faint as well as his heart. (King Jame's Version ) PubMed Center
That is when the journey from before trauma to after it was documented. Research has been going on for far too long to ignore how dissatisfied people were with accepting it as normal to them. If it is not acceptable to you, then discover as much as you can, then think about how to change it again. How can you change your life, so you can pass it on to others? If you already did, then how did you do it? Everything that started throughout the history of man, has been shared and change, "change is gonna come" again.

Today the featured video is Sam Cooke, Change Is Gonna Come.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
A Change Is Gonna Come
Sam Cooke

I was born by the river, in a little tent
Oh, and just like the river
I've been running ever since
It's been a long
A long time coming
But I know a change gonna come
Oh, yes it will
It's been too hard living
But I'm afraid to die
'Cause I don't know what's up there
Beyond the sky
It's been a long
A long time coming
But I know a change gonna come
Oh, yes it will
I go to the movie
And I go downtown
Somebody keep telling me
Don't hang around
It's been a long
A long time coming
But I know, a change gonna come
Oh, yes it will
Then I go to my brother
And I say, brother, help me please
But he winds up, knockin' me
Back down on my knees
Oh, there been times that I thought
I couldn't last for long
But now I think I'm able, to carry on
It's been a long
A long time coming
But I know a change gonna come
Oh, yes it will

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Sam Cooke 

Saturday, April 24, 2021

truth changes how you use your power

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 24, 2021

Truth can give you power. That is what the message of PTSD Patrol has been all about. All of us have a lot more power to change things than we think. It is time to turn "Truth To Power" and that is why the featured video today is from One Republic. The thing is, truth changes how you use your power.

Yesterday I received the second COVID-19 vaccine. Today I feel like I have a really bad cold, achy and tired, but sure is a lot better than having COVID. I know I won't have to worry so much about my husband, since he's full vaccinated too. I won't have to worry about passing it on to someone else. I am also thrilled with knowing I can finally get a hair cut in a couple of weeks. Little by little I'll be able to do a lot of things I didn't want to do over the last year.

The thing is, as a Christian and a Chaplain, I tend to want to do more for others than I want to do for myself. It makes me happy to do what I can, when I can, with whatever I have to give. That is why I am so confused how many people refuse to think about others, including the people in their own families.

When they say that they don't want to give up their freedom, they are not looking at the truth that no one has an absolute right to do what they want. There are rules and laws applied to everyone. You have to wear clothes, but you can decide what you want to wear as long as things are covered up. You have to wear shirts and shoes in many businesses for public health reasons. (OK, some of it is because most people don't want to see a lot of people without a shirt on no matter where they are.) The thing is, the rules are laws were put into place for the greater good.

How did this become a battle over freedom? You have the right to decide if you do not want to wear a mask, but you do not have the right to make everyone else cave into you. A store has the right to tell you that if you want to shop there, you have to wear one. You have the freedom to comply or shop somewhere else. Governments have the right to tell you that if you want to go out in public, you have to wear one. You have the right to not go out in public.

You are not forced to get the vaccine but while you want to go back to doing the things you want to do, what you are doing now, is preventing that from happening for everyone else.

There are some people who believe the earth is flat. No matter how many facts you can give them, they need to see it for themselves. Elon Musk needs to give them a ride on one of his SpaceX ships so they can see how round and beautiful this world is. Then they would know that we are all connected.

If you really believe that COVID isn't as bad as you think, then the only way for you to know the truth is to use your power and find out for yourself. Go to a hospital and talk to a nurse who has held the hands of far too many while they take their final breaths because their families couldn't be there. Go to India and see the bodies being burned every day because they cannot control it there. Go online and find family members who once thought that it was some kind of overblown rumor, until they lost someone they loved.

I doubt you are evil. Please take an honest look at the people you love and ask yourself how you would feel if you were the cause of them getting COVID, suffering and either facing a lifetime of health problems, or passing away. Once that happens, then it will be too late to use your power and prevent all that.

Until all of us understand we should use our freedom to choose the power for the sake of others, we will all be weakened standing by ourselves. This pandemic is also spreading PTSD across the world, which is yet another price being paid.
Trauma and the COVID Pandemic
COVID-19 has quickly become a global health emergency resulting in not only physical health concerns but also psychological concerns as people are exposed to unexpected deaths or threats of death. For example, healthcare workers who have close contact with COVID patients are not only exposed to the virus on a regular basis, but they may also be witnessing increased illnesses, deaths, and supply shortages. In addition, patients admitted to the hospital with COVID-19 experience social isolation, physical discomfort, and fear for survival. These exposures increase the risk of developing PTSD. In addition, the risk may further be enhanced during the subsequent weeks when these individuals may lack immediate social support due to the need to self-quarantine. (University of Michigan)

Truth to Power
OneRepublic

I could tell you I was fragile
I could tell you I was weak
I could write you out a letter
To tell you anything you need
I've seen minutes turn to hours
Hours turn to years
And I've seen truth turn to power
If you could see me the way I see you
If you could feel me the way I feel you
You'd be a believer
You'd be a believer
Minutes turn to hours
Hours turn to years
And I've seen truth turn to power
I could tell you I was ageless
But I know you see the light
I could tell you I'm immune to everything
But that's a lie
Dust don't turn to flowers
Skies don't disappear
But I've seen truth to power
Oh, if you could see me the way I see you
If you could feel me the way I feel you
You'd be a believer (believer)
You'd be a believer (believer)
You'd be a believer (believer)
You'd be a believer (believer)
Hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)
I said it's hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)
It's hard to keep goin' on (hard to keep goin' on)
If you could see me the way I see you
If you could feel me the way I feel you
You'd be a believer
You'd be a believer
You'd be a believer
Be a believer
Be a believer (believer)
You'd be (be a believer)
Minutes turn to hours
Hours turn to years
And I've seen truth turn to power

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ryan B Tedder / T Bone Burnett
Truth to Power lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing 

Friday, April 23, 2021

Missing someone you love is hard.

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 23, 2021

I just got my second COVID-19 shot and I am glad I did. I want to make sure that I am not responsible for passing it onto someone who may not survive it. We're lost so many people over the last year, when their deaths didn't need to happen. It is hard enough to lose someone as it is.

As of today, we've lost 567,352 to COVID-19 accordong to the CDC and some were old, some were young. We miss them and it hurts. It always hurts when someone you love dies. The thing is, they will always be a part of you and your life, but just in a different way.

Yesterday I did a post about my Dad and how he is responsible for the work I do on PTSD. In a way, he is a part of changing the lives of many and he never knew it. He is a part of me always. The thing is, I grieved for him in my own way and for as long as it took. He was the first person I lost that I was close to and he was just 58 years old. He passed away before my daughter was born. It was that long ago and still, I miss him. I miss everyone in my family who died too.

Missing someone you love is hard. Here is some advice I hope will give you comfort. Heal in your own time and grieve until you don't need to anymore. Don't let someone else tell you that you should be over it on a time they think it should happen. It is your life the person was in, and your heart that misses them.

When holidays or anniversary dates come, do something different than what you did when they were here. They are now in your life as memories, so do something that they would have enjoyed. Mother's Day is coming. Eat their favorite meal. Buy their favorite flowers, not the ones you used to buy because you thought they were pretty. Go through photo albums, or through the boxes you have been meaning to sort through. Bring them into the day when you miss them the most and they will be there with you.

Remember that with this terrible time, things will change, as they always do, for the better. Until that day comes, hold onto the memories of them and take comfort from what they put inside of you while they were here.

Today the featured video is Bruce Springsteen Ghosts.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Ghosts
Bruce Springsteen

I hear the sound of your guitar
Comin' from the mystic far
Stone and the gravel in your voice
Come in my dreams and I rejoice
It's your ghost moving through the night
Your spirit filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I'm alive
I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I'm alive and I'm out here on my own
I'm alive and I'm comin' home
Old buckskin jacket you always wore
Hangs on the back of my bedroom door
Boots and the spurs you used to ride
Click down the hall but never arrive
It's just your ghost moving through the night
Your spirit filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I'm alive
I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I'm alive and I'm out here on my own
I'm alive and I'm comin' home
Your old Fender Twin from Johnny's Music downtown
Still set on ten to burn this house down
Count the band in, then kick into overdrive
By the end of the set we leave no one alive
Ghosts runnin' through the night
Our spirits filled with light
I need, need you by my side
Your love and I'm alive
I shoulder your Les Paul and finger the fretboard
I make my vows to those who've come before
I turn up the volume, let the spirits be my guide
Meet you, brother and sister, on the other side
I'm alive, I can feel the blood shiver in my bones
I'm alive and I'm out here on my own
I'm alive and I'm comin' home
Yeah, I'm comin' home
La-la-la-la, la-la, la, la, la...

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bruce Springsteen
Ghosts lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

Israel and Indonesia prove PTSD survivors matter

I was shocked to see that PTSD Patrol had over 4,000 page views yesterday. I feel blessed and it shows that PTSD does not decide to strike nations. It strikes survivors no matter where they live.

Page views for PTSD Patrol 
last 7 days



All time



Page views Wounded Times 
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Thursday, April 22, 2021

Legacy of Healing PTSD From My Dad

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 22, 2021

When I think about my Dad, I often wonder how he'd feel if he knew what he started back in 1982. All these later, the number of lives changed because he served in Korea and he never knew about them. I am a living legacy to him and his life.

About a week ago, I received a strange message on Facebook from a man claiming to have pictures of my Dad in Korea. He wrote things that had to be true, so I called him. His Dad served with mine. The twist to the story is that his Dad probably never knew he had a son born in Korea. Yesterday he sent me pictures I had never seen before and I thought about my Dad a lot more than usual.
My Mom and oldest brother went to stay with him when he was in Japan.
We were a normal family. Both of my brothers were born on Army bases. He was a Staff Sergeant. He left the Army before I was born but I was a typical Army brat. I also grew up with uncles who served in WWII. That was all normal to me. I didn't discover it was not usual to have a family full of veterans, or that having living room furniture from Japan was odd, until I was older.

When I met my current husband, I was already divorced and only 23. The night he met my husband, he said, "He seems like a really nice guy but he's got shell shock." My husband is a Vietnam veteran. I had no idea what he was talking about and when I asked him to explain it, he told me to go to the library because war changes people.

I spent all my free time at the library with clinical books and a dictionary, learning as much as I could. The more I learned, the more I fell in love. Not just with the man I would end up marrying, but loved my Dad more and all veterans. Now they call it PTSD.

My Dad started what turned out to be my life's work. Thousands of articles, books, videos, several websites and more, all started because of my Dad's life in the Army. Over the years, I've had many messages thanking me for what I do and to pass appreciation on to my husband for his service. I just wanted you to know, that had it not been for my Dad, I don't think any of this would have started.

This is why today the featured video is, Dan Fogelberg, The Leader Of The Band.

If you've sent me emails thanking me for what I do, and thanking my husband for his service, I wanted you to know that none of this would have happened if my Dad didn't understand what he saw in my husband. It is a good reminder that we never know how much we do change the world when we are willing to do what we can, when we can, when we are willing to try.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Leader of the Band / Washington Post March
Dan Fogelberg

An only child
Alone and wild
A cabinet maker's son
His hands were meant
For different work
And his heart was known
To none --
He left his home
And went his lone
And solitary way
And he gave to me
A gift I know I never
Can repay
A quiet man of music
Denied a simpler fate
He tried to be a soldier once
But his music wouldn't wait
He earned his love
Through discipline
A thundering, velvet hand
His gentle means of sculpting souls
Took me years to understand.
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band.
My brothers' lives were
Different
For they heard another call
One went to Chicago
And the other to St. Paul
And I'm in Colorado
When I'm not in some hotel
Living out this life I've chose
And come to know so well.
I thank you for the music
And your stories of the road
I thank you for the freedom
When it came my time to go --
I thank you for the kindness
And the times when you got tough
And, pap, I don't think I
Said 'I love you' near enough --
The leader of the band is tired
And his eyes are growing old
But his blood runs through
My instrument
And his song is in my soul --
My life has been a poor attempt
To imitate the man
I'm just a living legacy
To the leader of the band
I am the living legacy
To the leader of the band.

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dan Fogelberg
Leader of the Band / Washington Post March lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Wednesday, April 21, 2021

Don't lose that number

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 21, 2021

When your life is falling apart, you know you need help. What if you have no one to ask to help you? Maybe you've had past experience with asking people to help you but they didn't. If you don't know anyone you know will help, then it is easy to think you don't deserve any. I've felt that way about a million times. It isn't that people I know won't help me, but they don't know how to help me.

When you have PTSD, most of the time people do care but they have no idea how to help. Most people have a hard time knowing how to just listen and let you talk. Most of the time, they have no idea how helpful it is to just get the words out of our mouths.

But if you've run out of people to call, tired of getting drunk, tired of crying and struggling to just get from one day to the next, you need someone you can call who does care and does know how to help!

Some people will remind you that you are not alone, but it doesn't help if you have your head in your hands sitting alone and don't know where to turn. It does help when people prove you are not alone and know how to help you get through the rough days a lot of people have. Don't lose those numbers! They are there to listen and help you through it!

Trust me because I know what it feels like to want to just give up. I know what it is like to be alone and don't know where to turn. I also know what it is like when I do find the help I need, when I need it, and from people who not only want to help me, they are trained to do it properly.

Your life can turn around too and you can pass it on when you feel better and you know, you are not alone at all.

Lifeline National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. We can all help prevent suicide. The Lifeline provides 24/7, free and confidential support for people in distress.

This is why today the featured video is Rikki Don't Lose That Number!



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



Rikki Don't Lose That Number
Steely Dan 

We hear you're leavin', that's okay
I thought our little wild time had just begun
I guessed you kind of scared yourself, you turn and run
But if you have a change of heart
Rikki, don't lose that number
You don't wanna call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki, don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home
I have a friend in town, he's heard your name
We can go out driving on Slow Hand Row
We could stay inside and play games, I don't know
And you could have a change of heart
Rikki, don't lose that number
You don't wanna call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki, don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home
You tell yourself you're not my kind
But you don't even know your mind
And you could have a change of heart
Rikki, don't lose that number
You don't wanna call nobody else
Send it off in a letter to yourself
Rikki, don't lose that number
It's the only one you own
You might use it if you feel better
When you get home
Rikki, don't lose that number
Rikki, don't lose that number
Rikki, don't lose that number

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Becker Walter Carl / Fagen Donald Jay
Rikki Don't Lose That Number lyrics © American Broadcasting Music, Inc. 

Tuesday, April 20, 2021

Using my work as your own?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 20, 2021

Today I was on Facebook and almost fell off my chair when I saw something I did used to promote a group that is doing something I find sickening. Yes, they are doing suicide awareness! They used this image with my graphic. Topped off with sticking their logo all over it as if they owned it! I won't post their image here but you can find it on my other site.
This is the link to my post from 2013. It is one of the oldest ones I could find, but considering how long I've been doing this work, it could be even older. I do not put my name or logo on images unless I own the image. I don't even do it when I totally change the picture because the picture someone else took inspired me to do the message. I respect their work! I do put my name and logo on things I totally create but that doesn't stop people from just taking my work and removing my name. That not only shows they do not respect the work others have done, they do not respect the people they claim to be in business for.

This is why the featured video today is Respect Yourself sung by Melissa Etheridge.
This isn't a compliment. It is just one more time when work I've dedicated my life to since 1982, invested thousands of dollars into sharing, plus hundreds of hours training to do, along with all the other years of researching, countless phone calls and emails, plus all the videos, was just something for someone else to take from me.

Had this group asked for permission, like many others have, when they are doing something I think is repulsive, I would have told them no. Their mission is going in the wrong direction and the facts have proven this does not work. Saving lives requires more than a slogan. Groups like this are the reason veterans couldn't find me anymore and I had to give up on helping them. My heart couldn't take it anymore. It was being ripped out by continually being reminded of the publicity these groups get, and the number of suicides increasing.

Last year I decided since I survived over 10 events, I could help more people by opening this work up to everyone who has PTSD to give them hope and show them the way to #TakeBackYourLife, while all these groups do is talk about veterans as if they are just a number. A number they do not even come close to understanding.
I respected the veterans I was helping enough to provide them with what they needed to know. Like when I started posting about them committing suicide back in 2007. I thought all that was needed was for me to put together a powerful post that would get someone to change what was going on and then they could heal too. I never expect it to turn into a billion dollar industry with stunts! I respected then enough to give them the facts, so the only thing I posted was news reports and government reports. When those reports were wrong, I posted the truth and did rebuttals. 

In 2009, when the DOD was pushing their programs that were doomed to fail, I posted how it would increase suicides because it told service members they could "train their brains to be mentally tough" which they understood as having a weak mind if they ended up with PTSD.

If these groups do not respect veterans enough to tell them what they need to hear to stay alive, heal and be happier, do not respect those who came long before they were even wondering, then maybe you should consider if you should support them or not.

I am not doing a video today because you know how much I'd be swearing about all this! Check back tomorrow for a better attitude from me. (I hope)

Respect Yourself
If you disrespect anybody that you run in to
How in the world do you think anybody's s'posed to respect you
If you don't give a heck 'bout the man with the bible in his hand, y'all
Just get out the way, and let the gentleman do his thing
You the kind of gentleman that want everything your way, yeah
Take the sheet off your face, boy, it's a brand new day
Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself
If you don't respect yourself
Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na
Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself
If you're walking 'round think'n that the world owes you something 'cause you're here
You goin' out the world backwards like you did when you first come here yeah
Keep talkin' bout the president, won't stop air pollution
Put your hand on your mouth when you cough, that'll help the solution
Oh, you cuss around women and you don't even know their names, no
Then you're dumb enough to think that'll make you a big ol' man
Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself
If you don't respect yourself
Ain't nobody gonna give a good cahoot, na na na na
Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself
Respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself, respect yourself
Respect yourself, yeah yeah respect yourself, respect yourself yeah, respect yourself
You oughta you oughta respect yourself yeah, respect yourself

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Luther Thomas Ingram / Mack Rice
Respect Yourself lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 
Melissa Etheridge - "Respect Yourself" (Official Lyric Video)

UPDATE
I was just on their Facebook page where they have used this many times and found even more!
They used this slogan over and over again!
here is the link to my post from 2016, and yes, I messed up typing the date but have the Google Search result below.


They actually used this one when the post I did was attacking all the groups doing suicide awareness!


Here is the link to the post from 2016





And then they left me this question...

What they do not seem to know, goes along with everything else. They would have been able to know this was wrong if they bothered to look it up! 

From Copyright Alliance
There are three basic requirements that a work must meet to be protected by copyright. The work must be:
Original: To be original, a work must merely be independently created. In other words, it cannot be copied from something else. There is no requirement that the work be novel (as in patent law), unique, imaginative or inventive.
Creative: To satisfy the creativity requirement a work need only demonstrate a very small amount of creativity. Very few creations fail to satisfy this requirement.
Fixed: To meet the fixation requirement, a work must be fixed in a tangible medium of expression. Protection attaches automatically to an eligible work the moment the work is fixed. A work is considered to be fixed as long as it’s sufficiently permanent or stable to permit it to be perceived, reproduced, or otherwise communicated for a period of more than transitory duration.
If I do not create the image itself, take the picture or use Photoshop to make it, then I do not put my name on it. I only own the changes I make to the picture. In this case, We Are The 22 took my work and put their logo on them without the right to do it.

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos June 15, 2021 "Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talk...

PTSD Patrol

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It is your life, get in and drive it