Friday, April 30, 2021

head is a mess and need time to just decompress

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
April 30, 2021

Sometimes you just have to take a day when you need to take care of you. Days when you don't want to do anything other than rest. We all have those days, with or without PTSD. This is why today the featured video is Five Finger Death Punch I'm A Bit Little Off Today. 

Part of the lyrics is telling people to just F-off. Obviously when you are having those off days, the last thing you want is for someone to be expecting you to do something you just don't have in you to do. On those days, I want a pajama day! I want to take care of me and I don't want to do the video or the post for the day. Finding anything inspirational to say when I don't even want to brush my hair or teeth just seems futile..and torturous for me.

I don't want to be the go to person, or the one who gets things done, fixes anything, takes care of anything or anyone but myself. My head is a mess and I need time to just decompress, so I do. I give into it once in a while. Then I regain strength and come out stronger.

I had to discover that after many attempts to just push through it and recovery back to my usual self took longer. Now I know better. My head and my body, just like my spirit, know when rest is needed. So does yours. Give into it but don't make it a habit.

The other thing is, if you have been healing and, like most, you turn around trying to help someone else, you need to know that everyone is not willing to do the work. They just want someone to listen to them and not willing to change or fix a damn thing in their life.

I had that happen a few times over the years. I remember working with a civilian at the time I was just working with veterans and their families. He had PTSD from a fatal car accident, but I agreed to help him anyway. I got him to understand what PTSD was and then he agreed to get professional help but he only did it for a little while. The only time he contacted me was when he was in crisis and I'd spend hours on the phone with him. He'd agree to do what I suggested but by the next time he called in crisis, it was clear he didn't do a damn thing.

I felt sorry for him because everyone in his life walked away, and then I understood why they did. By the 30th phone call, I told him I couldn't help him anymore. I was just an average person and he was ripping my heart out. There is only so much help I could give him and only so much I am capable of doing. The only thing he really followed through with was going to get the financial help I sent him to. He got pissed off at me, but the last time I heard from him, he did get help from a professional... finally.

That was how I learned to just say enough is enough. When I saw the video from this song, that was what I related to. Just taking some time for myself for the rest of the day, doing take-out for dinner and putting my PJ's back on! You need to do that too for yourself once in a while.

 
So, yes, you do need to take some time to take care of you when you are "a little bit off" and need to.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I'm a little bit off today
Five Finger Death Punch

I'm a little bit off today, something down inside me's different
Woke up a little off today, I can tell that something's wrong
I'm a little thrown off today, there's something going on inside me
I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off today
(I'm a little bit off today, a little bit off)
See, I'm a little bit off today, I cannot put my finger on it
Got up a little off today, just to play that same old song
I don't really wanna try today, I see nothing in my reflection
I'm a little bit dry today, feel like I could die today
Feel like I could die today
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I'm a little pissed off today and there ain't nothing you can do about it
I'm a little put off today and I could not tell you why
Got a really short fuse today, everyone around me's fucking crazy
I'm a little ticked off today, a little pissed off today
(I'm a little bit off today)
I told a little white lie today, I smiled and told someone I loved them
I had to say goodbye today to someone that I love
I couldn't even cry today, I think my heart is finally broken
Didn't need a reason why today, I don't need a reason why today
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I got a little too high today, got lost inside a sea of madness
Crashed a little bit hard today, crashed a little too hard today
Everybody sing
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey yeah, don't ya know? (I'm a little bit off)
Hey yeah, hey yeah
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
Hey, you gotta let it go (I'm a little, just a little bit off)
I'm a little bit off today
Something down inside me feels so different
Just a little bit off today
You can all fuck off today

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ivan Moody / Jason Hook / Kevin Churko / Zoltan Bathory
A Little Bit Off lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

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