Tuesday, June 15, 2021

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021

"Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talked...and someone listened. No relationship can last if they do not talk to each other about a hell of a lot more than dinner or who does what chores.

How many times have you been out to eat and look around, seeing most of the people looking at their cell phones instead of talking to the people they are with? The social media people are getting all their attention but not the person they are with. It is really bad when young parents are on their cellphones while their young child is throwing french fries at other tables. (Yes I saw that a time or two.)

A lot of relationships end with just regular problems. Add PTSD to the trouble list along with refusing to talk about what is going on and you end up causing a lot of imagination overload for your partner. They know you're hiding something, but since you won't tell them, they start assuming it has something to do with them.

If you are pushing them away at the same time you are not talking, which happens a lot, then you may get it sooner than you think when you push them too far away...and they walk away,

Can you imagine how they feel today? Today the featured video is Cliff Richard, We Don't Talk Anymore. 
There must have been a time when you did talk and actually acted like you wanted to spend time with them, not with distractions. There must have been a time when you actually looked into their eyes when they talked to you as if they deserved your attention. Above all, there must have been a time when you trusted them enough to share what was on your mind.

How about you try to do all that again before they walk away from you?
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster)
Cliff Richard

Used to think that life was sweet
Used to think we were so complete
I can't believe you'd throw it away
Used to feel we had it made
Used to feel we could sail away
Can you imagine how I feel today?
Well, it seems a long time ago
You were the lonely one
Now it comes to letting go
You are the only one
Do you know what you've done?
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore
It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore
But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore
Oh, we don't talk, ooh
Well, it really doesn't matter to me
I guess your leaving was meant to be
It's down to you now, you wanna be free
Well, I hope you know which way to go
You're on your own again
Don't come crying to me when you're the lonely one
Remember what you've done
Oh, it's so funny how we don't talk anymore
It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore
But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep
No, no, no
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Ooh, we don't talk anymore
But I ain't, no, losing sleep
No, I ain't counting sheep
No, no, no, no
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore
Oh, we don't talk, oh, we don't talk

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: A Tarney
We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster) lyrics © Sony/atv Music Publishing (uk) Limited 

Monday, June 14, 2021

When you feel your life's too hard

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 14, 2021

I was searching for a video on the need to talk when I heard Stevie Wonder, Have A Talk With God. The line, "Never communicating with the One who lives within," really got me. I was thinking about all the times someone told me they have a hard time asking for help. I'm not sure if they are ashamed they need it, or ashamed of not having anyone to ask for it.

In my case, I have no problem asking for help but no one I know can help me with what I need help with, so I talk to God. Who am I kidding? Pretty much I talk to Him about everything! He has been in my life all my life and the only one I have trusted all my life. It is hard to not trust Him considering He already knows everything about me. Sometimes I trust Him more than I trust myself.


He won't blab to someone else about what you told Him in secret. He won't laugh at you. He will comfort you. He will forgive you if that is what you need or guide you if you are lost and don't know what to do, but most of all, He will help you forgive others and find peace with letting go of things you have no control over.

If you have PTSD, the cause of it was out of your control. You need to let go of the "would" "could" and "should" thoughts filling your brain with self blame. You are haunted by the past and need to peace to move forward without being stuck looking in the rearview mirror.

The other thing is, if you ask to be shown the way toward healing, He will guide you there. Consider the directions from the Heavenly GPS, God Plain and Simple!

Stay away from anyone who tells you something like, "God only gives us what we can handle," because that giving you the thought that He did it to you. They actually expect you to pray to Him after they just told you He did it on purpose? God will give you what you need to get through it!

Think about it this way, others went through things that you are going through and their hearts were tugged to help others get through their own struggles, knowing they are not alone. Who do you think tugged their hearts? He did and they were willing to listen. Are you willing to ask?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 


Have a Talk With God
Stevie Wonder

There are people who have let the problems of today
Lead them to conclude that for them life is not the way
But every problem has an answer, and if yours you cannot find
You should talk it over to Him
He'll give you peace of mind
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Many of us feel we walk alone without a friend
Never communicating with the One who lives within
Forgetting all about the One who never, ever lets you down
And you can talk to Him anytime, He's always around
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Well, He's the only free psychiatrist
That's known throughout the world
For solving the problems of all men
Women, little boys, and girls
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
When your load's too much to bear
Just go talk to God, He cares
(I know He does)
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Thank you
Thank you very much

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Wonder Stevie / Hardaway Calvin
Have a Talk With God lyrics © Jobete Music Co., Inc.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

when we are no longer remembered

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 13,2021

Everyone will die one day. Famous people become part of history. For most people, someone will remember them, for as long as they live, but a day will come, when we are no longer remembered.
Conversely, to blot out a person’s name was to destroy that individual for all eternity, to eliminate him from the historical record.
Death Ancient Egypt
The thing is, what you do here on earth, never dies. Your name may be forgotten, but every life you touch, passes that on to others. They touch more lives and it spreads far beyond what you can see, beyond people you know, far more than you realize and much longer than you breathe.

Today's featured video is Casting Crowns, Scars In Heaven.
Matthew McConaughey Reads 1 Corinthians 12 12 27
We are all part of one body and each part of the "body" has a job to do, while we live. When someone we love dies, according to the Bible, there is no pain, sadness, or any bad memories. They will take all the good with them and it will live on. All the love they receive, joy, happiness and wonderful memories live on. There are no scars in Heaven. Maybe our job, instead of wanting to be remembered, is to have what we do remembered long after we are gone?

When we do something for someone else, it changes them. When you have PTSD, most of the time, it was caused by someone else. You know what that pain is like and how it changed you. Hopefully by now, you also know what it is like to have those scars healed because someone did something for you. They showed you that you do matter, and helped you heal the scars.

You can turn around and pass that on for them and they will change the other people in their lives by living a happier life. That gets passed on and on and on, long after they are gone too, but the number of lives you changed will never stop being changed.

Look at what happened because people decided to spread the messages of love that Jesus delivered. The 12 Disciples names are written in the Bible but there were 72 others also sent. No one knows their names but they had spread the messages to many more than the 12 did. What they delivered spread across the world and to generations of the generation they preached to. What you do when you live spreads too.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Scars in Heaven
Casting Crowns

If I had only known the last time
Would be the last time
I would have put off all the things I had to do
I would have stayed a little longer
Held on a little tighter
Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart
Where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place
Where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven
Are on the Hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun
You've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah
Are on the Hands that hold you now
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
For the Hands that hold you now
There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun
I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven
Are on the Hands that hold you now

Source: Musixmatch 

Saturday, June 12, 2021

Love helped Orlando heal after Pulse stopped

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 12, 2021

Five years ago, a man so filled with hate, decided to murder 49 people and wound 53 more. He did not know them. He did not know who they were, what they did or anything other than the fact he hated them so much, he decided to slaughter them.

The survivors acted out of love for the people they were with and for total strangers. They helped one and other escape to a place where they could hide, if they could not get out of the building. Some of those killed, died saving someone else.

People who were not there, decided to respond out of love to do what they could to help. They rushed with their cars and trucks to take the wounded to hospitals. Police Officers and SWAT teams showed up, putting their own lives in danger to stop the man from killing more.

When it was over, when the sun came up, officers were walking around where the dead still laid on the floor with their cell phone ringing. The officers would be forever haunted by the sounds of someone trying to reach someone they loved to see if they were still alive...or not.

People in the area, joined together to donate blood. Thousands of people did whatever they could to help, not knowing if they were risking their own lives, because no one knew if there would be more people so filled with hate, they were ready to kill too. Strangers showed up to give people in line food and something to drink as they stood in the heat patiently waiting their turn to do whatever they could.

Money came in from all over the world to help the families bury the people they loved and to help the survivors with their medical expenses, lost wages and every other price they paid because they were targetted by hatred.

Crisis Intervention teams showed up for the families of those who died, for the survivors and for the responders. Mental Health professionals lined up to provide free trauma care.


Love won that day, as it usually does. When one person, or a few, decide to act out of hate, millions respond with love.

Introduction to the Sermon on the Mount

5 Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him,

2 and he began to teach them.
The Beatitudes
He said:
3 “Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.
5 Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth.
6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled.
7 Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy.
8 Blessed are the pure in heart, for they will see God.
9 Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
11 “Blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kinds of evil against you because of me.
12 Rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven, for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
That is a list of people who are blessed. None of it is easy but all of it is based on love.

Salt and Light
13 “You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot.
14 “You are the light of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden.
15 Neither do people light a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives light to everyone in the house.
16 In the same way, let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.
When people pretend they are doing something in the Name of God, or in the Name of Jesus, this is how you know if they are telling the truth or not.

Love for Enemies
43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’
44 But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you,
45 that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous.
46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that?
47 And if you greet only your own people, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that?
48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.
This can be especially hard, but consider what Jesus was facing, knowing He would be put to death for the sake of those He Loved, and yet He preached all about Love. It is more powerful than anything else there is.

Today the featured video has no lyrics. It only has names of the people murdered 5 years ago at the Pulse Nightclub. One man decided to murder them, but thousands responded with love!

Five First Responders to the Pulse Massacre. One Diagnosis: PTSD.

by Abe Aboraya, WMFE June 11, 2018
Pulse was one of the nation’s largest mass shootings, where 49 people died and at least 53 others were wounded. The invisible injuries to first responders represent another toll of the catastrophe.

For these five first responders — and many others — June 12 was the first day of their new lives, one in which they would confront post-traumatic stress disorder. Even though most had responded to gruesome scenes of murder, suicide and car accidents, that didn’t prepare them for the psychological injury of PTSD. Going forward, they would relive that day in flashbacks and nightmares, see danger behind every closed door, and become irritable and impatient with spouses and coworkers.

“There are just some events that are so horrific that no human being should be able to just process that and put it away,” said Deborah Beidel, a University of Central Florida professor who runs a clinic called UCF Restores that treats first responders with PTSD. read more here
And that is what happens when people who risk their lives to respond to what hatred does. But love helps them heal too!
I interviewd Dr. Beidel a few years ago.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD

Friday, June 11, 2021

Don't miss "the miracle of the moment"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 11, 2021

Why is it that we want to change what has already been done, unsay what has already been said and change the path we chose to take, only to discover it was a huge mistake? We can't change a damn thing that happened up do a second ago. Still none of us have to settle for what came from all we got wrong because we can change this second onward. That is the "miracle of the moment. Today's featured video is Steven Curtis Chapman, This Moment.

Yes, you can change and you have the power to do it. Do you feel bad about something you said? Then apologize and say something better. Give the person you said it to a chance to accept your apology but, understand that it has already been said. It may take time to rebuild whatever relationship you had with them. At the very least, if they do not forgive you, you opened the door to begin to forgive yourself for just being a human who was wrong.

Sure it sucks to be wrong but it sucks more to stay wrong. Change now by learning from your past because that is all it is good for.

Part of having PTSD is being on guard. Hearing more than someone actually said, and taking it as a personal attack against you, or overblowing everything, causes a rift that could destroy a relationship. When you understand that, then you can think about how you react in the furture, but it does not change what has already been done. Only you can do that by making new memories for them, and yourself to overpower the bad memories you have. You can start this moment to make a miracle for your future.






Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

This Moment
Steven Curtis Chapman

It's time for letting go
All of our if only's
'Cause we don't have a time machine
And even if we did
Would we really want to use it
Would we really want to go change everything
'Cause we are who and where
And what we are for now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
There's only one who knows
What's really out there waiting
In all the moments yet to be
And all we need to know
Is he's out there waiting
To Him the future's history
And He has given us
A treasure called right now
And this is the only moment
We can do anything about
So breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
And if it brings you tears
Then taste them as they fall
And let them soften your heart
And if it brings you laughter
Then throw your head back
And let it go, let it go, yeah
You gotta let it go
And listen to your heartbeat, yeah
Breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment
Breathe it in and breathe it out
And listen to your heartbeat
There's a wonder in the here and now
It's right there in front of you
I don't want you to miss the miracle of the moment

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Matthew Bronleewe / Steven Curtis Chapman
Miracle of the Moment lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 10, 2021

Yesterday I had some personal things to do. To tell the truth, I needed a mental health day too. I am glad I did. I was looking for music to use today when I came across Disturbed Stronger On Your Own. As I listened to it, I started to think how I am stronger, and happier on my own.

When I lived in Florida, I was involved with a lot of veterans groups. I really cared about them, but there was something that was in the way of getting close to them. Politics! I listened to them say how much they hated things I believed, without them knowing what I thought. Some people on the other side, were OK and didn't seem to put it first above all else and we stayed friends. I kept my mouth shut with the others as they went on and on about their views, anger, bitterness and hatred. I still cared about them but it hurt.

I kept thinking that if they knew what I thought, they'd hate me too. I was right. When I moved to New Hampshire, it was lonely. We had a few friends and our daughter was here, we were also closer to other family members. Then the pandemic hit and things got shut down. It got even lonelier.

I got stronger! I looked back at how I hid what I thought as if I had anything to be ashamed of, when I didn't. 

This has gone way beyond simple political differences. I used to really enjoy a good debate but it did not cause as much hatred as it has the last ten years or so. Now it is as if we are so filled with it, nothing else matters to far too many.

If you have PTSD and you are dealing with this political BS, walk away. We've all heard crap over the years, especially about what people want to believe. There were decades when people thought PTSD was not real and if you are a veteran, you probably heard someone say that you were only out for a free ride, a government paycheck and it was all BS. I'd love to hear one of them say that to a civilian with PTSD, especially when the percentage of people denying it is still higher than those who admit it. The stigma and crappy attitude is alive and well because facts are still damned and people like to hear what they already believe.

If you are surrounded by people who do not think the way you do, then walk away. Listening to them will rob you of healing and get in the way. You should not have to change what you believe to fit in with someone who has shown you they already hate you, even though they never heard it from you.

It is a hinderance to your recovery. Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell. It is better to be on your own until you find others who do think like you, believe what you do, or, at least accept you as you are. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Stronger on Your Own
Disturbed

Everybody has a story to tell
Listen closely now and you can hear mine as well
I was addicted to breaking my heart
I couldn't get enough of feeling it torn apart
So conflicted, in feeling the pain
I say I've had enough but still want it all again
I won't deny
I tried to hide it
But it was killing me inside
And now I
Feel un-whole
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your
Stronger on your own
I've created my own personal hell
Come inside with me and you can be mine as well
This affliction will blacken your heart
I keep believing as it's tearing my soul apart
Self-destruction is the name of the game
I say I've had enough but still want it all again
I won't deny
I tried to hide it
But now it's killing me inside
And now I
Feel so cold
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your own
And when you're able to decide
Then you don't want this anymore
You'll be the one to turn the tide
For you are stronger on your
Stronger on your
Stronger on your own
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your own
And when you're able to decide
Then you don't want this anymore
You'll be the one to turn the tide
For you are stronger on your
Stronger on your
Stronger on your own

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dan Donegan / David Draiman / Kevin Churko / Mike Wengren
Stronger on Your Own lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

why should you join a support group

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 8, 2021

Today I posted about how Wounded Times (my other site) reached over 5 million page views. I wrote that All that work was worth it because it was but for a long time, I didn't feel that way. I was getting less and less comments, hardly no feedback, and I started to think that it just didn't matter anymore. It hurt.

Now I know better but believe it or not, that is one of the reasons why you should join a support group. I know it sounds like a strange leap, but hear me out.

It was lonely and it got harder to find a reason to keep doing something that was healing for me. Knowing I was making a difference, was like a gift I gave myself. When you have PTSD and are doing the work alone, it is great but there comes a time when you need the positive feedback from others. Face it! We all have an ego. Feed your ego!

Think about it this way. If you were really overweight and put in a lot of work to lose it, but moved to a new town where no one knew you, they wouldn't know what you did or how hard you worked at it. Yet, if you went back to where people knew you, they would let you know how proud they were of you, congratulate you on it, and yes, feed your ego. It is like a gift you give yourself.

Being in a support group, gives you that positive feedback, support and inspires you to keep doing the work of healing. When you are healed, you can give that to others too, because you know what it was like when you did it, just as much as you remember what it was like to do it alone. That is a gift you give to others, but also, a gift you give to yourself.




On a personal note, I want to thank the people who stuck with me on Wounded Times, even if I don't know who you are. I am also grateful for the people passing on the work for PTSD Patrol. Reaching over 100,000 page views was because of you being willing to do that.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Make Your Own Kind of Music
The Mamas and the Papas

Nobody can tell you
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

All that work was worth it

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021 

(From my other site)

"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.

In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.

In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.

All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.

In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.

I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.

Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.
read more on Wounded Times

Monday, June 7, 2021

"Live your truth and know you're not alone"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 7, 2021

A while ago I heard from an old friend. She had been on a bowling team and was really good. Whenever we went, she said I was comedy relief because I was so bad at it. Some of the members of her team started to get political. They were saying things that was horrible. She felt more and more uncomfortable whenever they got together because she was so shocked they felt the way they did. She walked away.

She stopped doing a lot of other things. She went to work and then went home. That was all she did. Someone suggested to her that since there were a few other members of the team who walked away, she should contact them so they could go bowling again and just have fun. It was easy to assume they felt the same way she did. She was right. They started to go bowling and out to eat once a week. They were having so much fun, and few members of the old group wanted to join them.

The new little group didn't want them. The others had already said what they did and expressed how they felt, so trust was gone. They forgave them, but they didn't want to constantly be questioning the others, wondering what they thought and ending up feeling uncomfortable around them all over again. They decided to just be true to themselves.

When you have PTSD, people saying horrible things comes with it. You can forgive them, try to explain it to them and hope they change, but all too often, the trust is gone and what they said echos in your mind. Forgive them and walk away. Let them find people who think the same way they do and you do the same, because you'll be a lot happier.

Today's featured video is Sarah McLachlan, In Your Shoes. Be true to yourself and surround yourself with people who will accept you as you are. I know what it is like because for years I had to keep my mouth shut when others said terrible things around me. I knew if I said what I thought, they'd hate me and I was a right. When I finally freed myself from them, they attacked me for speaking my mind. I kept my mind and lost them from my life. It was liberating! I am a lot happier now.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

In Your Shoes
Sarah McLachlan

You turn the radio on play your favorite song and cry... cry
You let it all disappear push back the doubt and fear they try... try
To hold your head under the waves but you're breathing all the same
You are stronger than their hate
Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose
Leave it all behind and move on you are your own woman
You never asked for trouble but you've got fire that burns so bright... bright
You turn and face the struggle when all the others turn and hide... hide
You hold your head above the waves above the war they try to wage
You are stronger than their hate
Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose
Leave it all behind and move on 'cause you are your own woman
Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose
Leave it all behind and move on you are your own woman move on yeah
Time for you to walk out walk in your own shoes
Lay down your footprints wherever you choose
Say what's on your mind with pride 'cause you are your own woman
You've got a light that always guides you
You speak of hope and change as something good
Live your truth and know you're not alone
You turn the radio on play your favorite song and sing out so loud

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Sarah Ann Mclachlan / Pierre Marchand / Luke Doucet
In Your Shoes lyrics © Tyde Music, Southern Music Pub. Co. Canada Ltd. 

Sunday, June 6, 2021

What else can I be but what I am

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 6, 2021

Ever since I posted the video yesterday from Sly And The Family Stone, I've been thinking about a song my parents used to play. Sammie Davis Jr. I Got To Be Me. There was a line in it I didn't remember, "That far away prize, a world of success."

Did you know that you may measure success your own way, for yourself, as you see what it is for you? Do you measure it by what money you make or things you buy? Do you measure it by how popular you are? Or do you measure it by what you do for others, how much you love and care about others?

Who are you to you?

I measure success by doing what I can do with what I have to do it with. Not interested in fitting into what others think I should be or do what others think I should do. I am just "me" and happy that way. I know my qualities, as well as I know my flaws. I worked on the ones I could actually do something about, like my temper, but I learned to accept things I cannot change, like the fact I am a total klutz!

Don't try to go against who you are because that will make you miserable. Don't try to change to fit in, but try to fit in with people who accept you as you are and value you.  My husband and I have been married as long as we have been because we accept each other. I get over his flaws and he gets over mine, because the qualities outweigh the flaws.

Success, when you are on the journey to healing PTSD, is taking "you" all of you with you. Your flaws, that are ones you can change, can be worked on. Your flaws that make you just human, should be understood and accepted. Healing is the "prize" you should reach for and all else will follow that path.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I've Gotta Be Me
Sammy Davis Jr.

Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be me, I've gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am
I want to live, not merely survive
And I won't give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive 
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am
That far away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call 
I won't settle down, won't settle for less
As long as there's a chance that I can have it all
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I've gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I've gotta be me
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me 
I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die 
I gotta be me

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Walter Marks
I've Gotta Be Me lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Sammy Davis Jr - I've Gotta Be Me (Live in Germany 1985)

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Healing to me be myself again

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 5, 2021

Keeping with the theme of the last few days, it is a good time to talk about being thankful. Today's featured video is Sly And The Family Stone, Thank You.

If you only focus on what was done to you that caused PTSD, that is all you'll see and it will contribute to feeling miserable. It is better to focus on what was done for you and then you end up healing, being happier and the people around you will be happier too.

I am thankful for God and for all the people who came to help me after each time something horrible happened. Right now, I am also thankful for the therapist I had many years ago for being myself again.

I knew I needed help because I was walking around feeling angry most of the time and frustrated. That isn't me. While I do have a temper, I am a typical Greek on that one. It takes a lot to get me angry, I explode and then I want to hug. It was always over and done with.

That is how I knew this was not "me" so I asked my primary care physician to recommend someone I could see. I called a few of them but when I asked if they knew about PTSD, the first few did not. Then I ended up with a woman who was an expert at the time. She was a family therapist. I told her that I was not interested in saving my marriage. I was more interested in not killing my husband. She laughed and I knew she knew exactly what I was talking about.

Little by little I started to feel the angry leave and I felt more like myself again. We talked about my husband and the work I did, all the people I was helping, but I didn't focus on me. I wish I had and then maybe she would have seen I had PTSD too. It was because of my ex-husband but I didn't have time to focus on that or what he put me though.

Anyway, in between appointments, she wanted me to write about what I needed to say. At first it was a page, then a couple, then more, until one appointment I handed her 35 pages. She took it and said, "Well obviously I'm not reading this right now."

During the next appointment, she handed it back to me and told me I needed to turn it into a book. I did and that was For The Love Of Jack. She really helped me be myself again.

If you focus on you, and get the help you need to heal, then you'll be thankful too for being yourself again. The people in your life will be happier too!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Thank You
Sly And The Family Stone

Lookin' at the devil, grinnin' at his gun
Fingers start shakin', I begin to run
Bullets start chasin', I begin to stop
We begin to wrestle I was on the top
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Stiff all in the collar, fluffy in the face
Chit chat chatter tryin', stuffy in the place
Thank you for the party but I could never stay
Many things on my mind, words in the way
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Dance to the music
All night long
Everyday people
Sing a simple song
Mama's so happy
Mama start to cry
Papa still singin'
You can make it if you try
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again (oh yeah)
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Flamin' eyes of people fear, burnin' into you
Many men are missin' much, hatin' what they do
Youth and truth are makin' love
Dig it for a starter
Dyin' young is hard to take
Sellin' out is harder
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Sylvester Stewart
Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) lyrics © Mijac Music 

Friday, June 4, 2021

So where do you find God?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 4, 2021

(part 2 God is closer than you think)

Sometimes when we cannot find something, we search for hours, get frustrated and then find it right in front of us but we just didn't see it. It was there all along. So many people ask "Where was God?" when this happened or that happened. When all they saw was anger, hatred, evil and terrible events, it seemed as if God is on vacation because it happened. If we open our eyes, we find Him in what others do out of love.
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. 
God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God, and God in them.
Look back at all the horrible images of events and then read about what happened afterwards. Natural disasters destroy and kill, but people respond to rebuild and comfort survivors. Accidents, fires, mass murders and all other terrible events throughout history caused people to respond in mass to do something out of love.

When you think about whatever happened that caused PTSD, and then remember what happened afterwards when people came to help you, then you know God was there too!

When you take remembrance of your own pain, to reach out to help someone else, that is love.
When you remember what it was like when you were lonely, and comfort someone else, that is love.
Whenever you do anything, no matter how small it may seem, to show someone they matter, that is love, and God is there.

June 12th 2016, Pulse Nightclub massacre
Vigils have been held around the country for the victims of the Orlando nightclub attack on June 12. Thousands of people, including Jennifer Ware (right) and Mary Ware, took part in a memorial in downtown Orlando a day after the massacre. David Goldman/AP

NPR reported on it with

3 Hours In Orlando: Piecing Together An Attack And Its Aftermath

I lived near Orlando when I happened. There were strangers in that club that night doing whatever they could to save others. Some people were showing up and driving the wounded to hospitals. Police Officers and SWAT teams were risking their lives to stop it. After it was over, the officers were talking about walking around looking for survivors with cell phones ringing non stop. They talked about how hard that was knowing on the other end of the phone was someone searching for someone they loved.

One person decided to do it out of hatred but millions around the world responded out of love. Soon afterwards, people were lining up donating blood in huge numbers. We stood in the heat not knowing if there would be another attack against all of us. It was all still being pieced together but it didn't matter. The people who showed up to help knew all they needed to know at the time....other people needed help. God was there too.

Some members of the clergy were preaching about the sin of people at Pulse more than they were preaching about the murderer. Some members of the clergy have a habit of preaching about hatred and judgement, at the same time they mention Jesus, almost as if they have no clue what Jesus preached. When people left those churches, God was there too, holding the door for them to walk away and leave the false teachers to find true ones.

When you realize that any religious leader is only human, you stop blaming God for what they did, and thank Him for opening your eyes to the love He always had for you. If you remember, Jesus prayed most of the time outside and so can you. You can talk to God whenever you want, and wherever you are. Your soul will know He hears you. Then you can help others know where God is, by what you do out of love!
When you act out of love you realize that God was there all along. So where do you find God? Today the featured video is Larry Fleet, Where I Find God.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Where I Find God
Larry Fleet 

The night I hit rock bottom, sittin' on an old bar stool
He paid my tab and put me in a cab, he didn't have to
But he could see I was hurtin', oh I wish I'd got his name
'Cause I didn't feel worth savin', but he saved me just the same
That day out on the water when the fish just wouldn't bite
I put my pole down, floated around, it was just so quiet
And I could hear my old man sayin', "Son, just be still"
'Cause you can't find peace like this in a bottle or a pill
From a bar stool to that Evinrude
Sunday mornin' in a church pew
In a deer stand or a hay field
An interstate back to Nashville
In a Chevrolet with the windows down
Me and Him just ridin' around
Sometimes, whether I'm lookin' for Him or not
That's where I find God
Sometimes late at night, I lie there and listen
To the sound of her heart beatin' and that song the crickets are singin'
And I don't know what they're sayin'
But it sounds like a hymn to me
No, I ain't too good at prayin'
But thanks for everything
From a bar stool to that Evinrude
Sunday mornin' in a church pew
In a deer stand or a hay field
An interstate back to Nashville
In a Chevrolet with the windows down
Me and Him just ridin' around
Sometimes, whether I'm lookin' for Him or not
That's where I find God
From a bar stool to that Evinrude
Sunday mornin' in a church pew
In a deer stand or a hay field
An interstate back to Nashville
In a Chevrolet with the windows down
Me and Him just ridin' around talkin'
Well, I do that a lot
Well, I do that a lot
That's where I find God

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Connie Harrington / Larry Fleet
Where I Find God lyrics © Sony/atv Tree Publishing, Goes Something Like This Music, Make It Matter Music, Larry Fleet Publishing 

Wounded Times Reached 5 Million!

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STUNNING NEWS!

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Thursday, June 3, 2021

God is closer than you think

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 3, 2021

This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.


There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.

Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.

He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"

I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."

I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.

When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.

We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.

He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.

When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.

When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.

Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.
If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
From a Distance
Bette Midler

From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the voice of hope
It's the voice of peace
It's the voice of every man
From a distance
We all have enough
And no one is in need
And there are no guns, no bombs and no disease
No hungry mouths to feed
From a distance
We are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope
Playing songs of peace
They are the songs of every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
From a distance
You look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance
I just cannot comprehend
What all this fightings for
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
This is the song for every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
Oh, God is watching us
God is watching
God is watching us
From a distance

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Julie Gold
From a Distance lyrics © Wing And Wheel Music, Julie Gold Music

Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

make good times even better

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 2, 2021

Happiness sneaks up on you! All of a sudden, all the things you used to enjoy seem even better than before. "Good times never seemed so good!"

That is what it is like when you come out of the darkest hell and heal PTSD. No longer trapped by misery, doubt, paranoia, feeling as if you have something to hide and realize that life can be better than before. Maybe it is because even though you wouldn't admit it, you missed feeling happy, being with friends, doing fun things and yes, smiling without feeling as if you had to force it.


You end up with strange reactions to things you thought you'd never care about again. When we lived in Florida, there were some spatular sunrises and sunsets. Once in a while my husband would go out to the pool deck and scream my name. I'd go running to him and he'd be pointing up at the sky, with the amazed look of a child seeing it for the first time.

Right now, for me, I feel like a kid when I get to do something as simple as get my hair cut, hug people again and see smiling faces.

The entire world got a lesson on what trauma is by living through their own trauma and it was different for everyone. Some people lost all they owned, others lost everyone they loved. Some people were forced to work from home, others lost their jobs. That is what the darkness of PTSD is like. 

When more people go vaccinated, like us, things started to look more hopeful. People started to do the right thing. Instead of just complaining about what they couldn't do, more and more people decided they could do their part so they would be able to do what they wanted to do safely. We've seen the numbers go down on the sickness and death counts, just as we've seen the numbers go up on the vaccinated side.

That is what healing is! It is what it is like to heal PTSD too. You can make good times even better because now you know what you missed. You won't take it for granted anymore and when it sneaks up on you, you get back hope of more good times and good feelings.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Sweet Caroline
Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing
But then I know it's growing strong
Was in the spring
And spring became the summer
Who'd have believed you'd come along
Hands, touching hands
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined
To believe they never would
But now I
Look at the night and it don't seem so lonely
We filled it up with only two
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulders
How can I hurt when holding you
One, touching one
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined
To believe they never would
Oh no, no
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
Sweet Caroline
I believe they never could
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Neil Diamond
Sweet Caroline lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, DistroKid 

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos June 15, 2021 "Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talk...

PTSD Patrol

PTSD Patrol
It is your life, get in and drive it