Showing posts with label Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Show all posts

Tuesday, March 23, 2021

"Free to face the life that's ahead of me"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 23, 2021

"Free to face the life that's ahead of me!" Dennis De Young wrote those words in the song by Styx, Come Sail Away. What a powerful thing to say! We are all free to face the life that is ahead of you.

You have the power to heal from what tried to kill you and has been trying to take over your life everyday since it hit you. You had no power over what happened but you have all the power now to recover from it.

You can choose to be miserable, but like most people, you are more likely to want to be happier. That is in your control. The question is, what are you planning on doing about it?

There is a hell of a lot of things going on in this country right now. The pandemic, mass shootings, people acting like their have gone insane and the rest of the people are stunned by all of it. Add all of that into the other causes of PTSD and you understand why there will be far more cases of PTSD than the 8 million we already had. You will try to work through surviving if it happened recently but if 30 days goes by and your symptoms of shock have not worn down or are gone, then you may need professional help to recover.

Think of it this way. When something serious happens to us, we have no problem going to a doctor to mend our bones, or stitch our wounds, or give us antibiotics for infections. Needing a professional to help us recover from surviving is no different. The sooner you get evaluated and start to take control back, the better your healing will be. Remember, it is never too late to take action, because you can be happier no matter how long it was, treatment may take longer. You will see the difference.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
Come Sail Away
Styx

I'm sailing away
Set an open course for the Virgin Sea
'Cause I've got to be free 
Free to face the life that's ahead of me
On board I'm the captain
So climb aboard
We'll search for tomorrow
On every shore and I'll try
Oh Lord I'll try 
To carry on
I look to the sea
Reflections in the waves spark my memory
Some happy some sad
I think of childhood friends and the dreams we had
We live happily forever
So the story goes
But somehow we missed out
On that pot of gold
But we'll try best that we can
To carry on
A gathering of angels
Appeared above my head
They sang to me this song of hope
And this is what they said
They said, come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (lads)
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (baby)
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
I thought that they were angels 
But to my surprise
We climbed aboard their starship
We headed for the skies
Singing, come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me (lads)
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me
Come sail away, come sail away
Come sail away with me...

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dennis De Young
Come Sail Away lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

Sunday, March 21, 2021

PTSD: the wounds that were carried back home to you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 21, 2021

Today I am going to let one of the first videos I did on PTSD replace the daily video from me. Wounded Minds was a labor of love back in 2006. It had over 10,000 views but after a couple of years, I moved the videos from YouTube. (Big mistake) Anyway, my confidence was taking beating lately because of  all the reports about people suffering instead of healing. Whenever I get this way, I usually go through old emails to remind me of why I do this work.

One of the old emails I came across was from the ex-wife of a Vietnam veteran. She never stopped loving him but they didn't know what PTSD was before they ended a long marriage. Her kids were suffering, she was suffering and so was the veteran. She said she wished she knew what was in this video before they decided to get divorced. 

I told her it was not too late to still have a relationship with him, or at least try to reconnect. She promised to learn more and then, try to talk to him so he would get help to heal. This is why I do this work. And this is why I will never stop doing it.

Today the featured videos are about relationships ending, but love still existing. The Carpenters, Hurting Each Other and Rose Royce Wishing On A Star.

If you still care about someone you had to walk away from, because you did not know what you needed to know, I hope this comforts you. Keep in mind that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and now you know more than you did back then. It is up to you what you do with that knowledge. If nothing else, I hope it helps you heal your heart by knowing it really didn't have anything to do with you, but the wounds that were carried back home to you.
In 2006 I created this video on Wounded Minds. Long before PTSD was in the news, families like mine were doing the best we could to make our veterans lives better. Sometimes we failed but after three decades, I'm still married. I still have no idea how other families do it when they know hardly nothing about PTSD. I knew almost everything and there were times when it was almost impossible to find hope. The key is to learn as much as you can, love as an active partner in their healing and find what works to make your lives better! This is from my old website, NamGuardianAngel. Go to Combat PTSD Wounded Times to learn more.

Hurting Each Other
The Carpenters 

No one in the world
Ever had a love as sweet as my love
For nowhere in the world
Could there be a boy as true as you, love
All my love I give gladly to you
All your love you give gladly to me
Tell me why then, oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Closer than the leaves
On a weeping willow, baby, we are
Closer dear are we
Than the simple letters A and B are
All my life I could love only you
All your life you could love only me
Tell me why, then?
Oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Udell Peter David / Geld Gary
Hurting Each Other lyrics © Bibo Music Publishing, Inc. 


I'm Wishing on a Star
Rose Royce 

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who really dream
And I'm wishing on tomorrow, praying it'll come
And I'm wishing on all the loving we've ever done
No, I never thought I'd see
A time when you would be
So far away from home
So far away from me
Just think of all the moments that we'd spend
I just can't let you go, for me you were meant
And I didn't mean to hurt you, but I know
That in the game of love you reap what you sow
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never, oh
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who've ever been
And I'm hoping on all the days to come and days to go
I'm hoping on days of loving you so
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a star, oh, oh
And I'm wishing on all the rainbows that I see
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream, baby
And I'm following all the rainbows that I see

Source: Musixmatch
Wishing on a Star lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., May Twelfth Music 

Saturday, March 20, 2021

let the dreamers wake the nation

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 13, 2021

Today I picked a fun video, Carley Simon Let The River Run. If you saw the movie Working Girl, then you know it is a story about an average woman with big dreams. Tess McGill (Melanie Griffith) was really smart but didn't have many chances to prove it and change her life...until her boss broke her leg. Even her friends thought she was nuts to try it, but she did and in the end she won.



The song is about dreamers. People dreaming about making something better too. Making their lives different than they are because they believe they can be. What do you believe? Do you believe your life can be different than it is? Do you have chances to prove you are right?

When you have a dream that's great. It sucks if you do not think you have a chance in hell of making it happen. If you have PTSD, it sucks wanting to be happier but believing there is no way it can happen because that was what you heard. If you know it can happen, then you find a way to make that dream come true.

You get a roadmap to get you from where you are to where you want to be. You believe in yourself because you know in your heart it is possible and one mile at a time, you learn how to get there. When you do, you discover that you can win first place in a better life for yourself too.

If you know how to heal because you did it, then wake the rest of the people up in the nation so they can dream about doing it too! 

Remember, it is you life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
    
Let the River Run
Carly Simon

Let the river run
Let all the dreamers wake the nation
Come, the New Jerusalem
Silver cities rise
The morning lights the streets that lead them
And sirens call them on with a song
It's asking for the taking
Trembling, shaking
Oh, my heart is aching
We're coming to the edge
Running on the water
Coming through the fog
Your sons and daughters
We the great and small
Stand on a star
And blaze a trail of desire
Through the darkening dawn
It's asking for the taking
Come run with me now
The sky is the colour of blue
You've never even seen
In the eyes of your lover
Oh, my heart is aching
We're coming to the edge
Running on the water
Coming through the fog
Your sons and daughters
It's asking for the taking
Trembling, shaking
Oh, my heart is aching
We're coming to the edge
Running on the water
Coming through the fog
Your sons and daughters
Let the river run (Let the river run)
Let all the dreamers (let all the dreamers)
Wake the nation (wake the nation)
Come, the New Jerusalem

Source: Musixmatch
Let the River Run lyrics © Universal Music Corp., C'est Music, Tcf Music Publishing Inc 

Friday, March 19, 2021

Violence Against Women Act...for women like me!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 19, 2021 

"And I've been down there on the floor" when my ex-husband decided I needed to die. It wasn't bad enough he came home from work, started another argument like always, but this time, he decided to hit me. I hit back. Ten minutes later, after grabbing whatever I could to hit him with, being chased from room to room and screaming for help, he got me on the floor, got on top of me with his hands on my neck and tried to strangle me. It was the first time he hit me...and the last.

He stalked me for about a year, as far as I was aware. He drove muscle cars, so as soon as I heard the sound of an engine like that, it all came back. Nightmares, flashbacks, mood swings, paranoia and panic. About 2 years after it happened, I met my current husband. We dated about a year and a half when we decided to get married. I had to get in touch with my ex-husband for the annulment because I wanted to get married in the church again. The next day, he walked over to my husband to be and introduced himself. 

That was even worse for me because then I knew for sure, when I thought I was free of him and safe from him, I really wasn't. There is no way he would have know who I was marrying if he hadn't been following us all that time.

Years later, we moved from Massachusetts to Florida. Even down there, the sound would cause instant panic and all that came with it. It wasn't until my cousin sent me his obituary notice from the newspaper letting me know I was finally free of him, that I knew he would never hurt me again.

It wasn't until last year when my daughter and I were talking about this and she said, "You never told me you had PTSD." I said, "I didn't." Then she let me know that was exactly what I said I had. All those years I was in a sort of denial, even though I had become and expert on PTSD and dedicated almost 40 years to helping others heal. The thing was, all the research I did, never once had what I was dealing with. I saw two therapists and they didn't see it in me. Maybe researchers need to start looking at that too.

Anyway, I am telling you all this because the Violence Against Women Act has passed the House. It is up to the Senate to pass it now. If you don't think it is important because you do not know anyone it happened to, you do now. If you are reading this, then it means you know what I do and why I do it, but now you cannot ignore the price paid by women like me when the laws were much different. There was nothing there for me and very few resources. 

This Act will provide justice but there are some in the Senate saying they will not support it. I am asking you to contact your Senator and ask them if they will support this and if not, ask them why they are defending the abusers, because that is exactly what they are doing.

Now you know too much to go back and pretend, so please don't let us go down that road again. Let the Senate hear you roar in numbers too big to ignore~
House Renews Violence Against Women Act, But Senate Hurdles Remain
NPR
Susan Davis
March 17, 2021
The House approved with bipartisan support a reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act, a popular 1994 law that protects and provides resources for victims of domestic abuse and sexual violence. The measure passed 244-172.

As a senator, President Biden played a lead role in passing the landmark law, which he recently called "one of my proudest legislative achievements."

The law was last reauthorized in 2013, but it lapsed at the end of 2018 after Congress failed to act due to partisan disputes over guns and transgender issues. The lapse has had little practical effect because Congress continues to fund related programs despite the lack of authorization.

The core legislation has broad support, but certain provisions added to the bill in the previous Congress exposed divisions among Republicans. In 2019, the House passed the measure with 33 Republicans voting with Democrats, but it was never brought up in the then-GOP-led Senate.
read more here
Rep. Debbie Dingell also knows what it is like. (Detriot News)
Dingell has openly discussed growing up in a household where she lived with domestic violence, noting statistics that 1 in 15 children also witness domestic violence.

"We don't forget about hiding in closets. Or our father taking locks off of doors. Or my grabbing a gun from my father, so he wouldn't kill my mother, and being convinced that we would die," Dingell said of her early life with her siblings.


I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again


I Am Woman
Helen Reddy

I am woman, hear me roar
In numbers too big to ignore
And I know too much to go back an' pretend
'Cause I've heard it all before
And I've been down there on the floor
No one's ever gonna keep me down again
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
You can bend but never break me
'Cause it only serves to make me
More determined to achieve my final goal
And I come back even stronger
Not a novice any longer
'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to, I can do anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
I am woman watch me grow
See me standing toe to toe
As I spread my lovin' arms across the land
But I'm still an embryo
With a long long way to go
Until I make my brother understand
Oh yes I am wise
But it's wisdom born of pain
Yes, I've paid the price
But look how much I gained
If I have to I can face anything
I am strong (strong)
I am invincible (invincible)
I am woman
Oh, I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman
I am invincible
I am strong
I am woman

Source: Musixmatch
I Am Woman lyrics © Buggerlugs Music Co., Irving Music, Inc. 

I was on Choose Rochester New Hampshire Podcast and talking about this along with the work I do.

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from? If you have PTSD, leaving the people in your life is common. It is also common that you never gave them a chance to know what you were going through, and all too likely, left them without ever telling them the real reason that made you leave. If you did, then your biggest problem is not having PTSD. Your biggest problem is having it but not knowing what it is. If you did, then you'd know there is nothing to be ashamed of. You're a survivor of something that could have killed you and that is the only reason you got hit by PTSD.

If you didn't give the people you shared your life with a chance, then you pre-judged them. You didn't give them a chance to support you, comfort you, help you, or yes, decide they didn't want to stay with you. You just assumed it would end badly.

Today the featured videos are Carole King, So Far Away and The 5th Dimension One Less Bell To Answer. More than likely the people you walked away from have no idea why you did. You'll never know until you try to communicate with them and explain it to them. First learn what you need to know and then give them a chance. If you think the next relationship will be any different, it won't be because they will not really know you and you will prove you really don't trust them.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
So Far Away
Carole King

So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're just time away
Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could
But you're so far away
One more song about movin' along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it bein' close to you
But, you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely
Nothing else to do but close my mind
I sure hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams I've yet to find
But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
And it doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Hey, you're so far away

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: King Carole
So Far Away lyrics © Straitjacket Songs Ltd. 


One Less Bell To Answer
5th Dimension 

One less bell to answer...
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
(Cry cry no more laughter)
Oh, I should be happy
(Oh, why did he go?)
I only know that since he left
My life's so empty
Though I try to forget
It just can't be done
Each time the doorbell rings
I still run (I still run)
I don't know how in the world
To stop thinking of him
'Cause I still love him so
(Love him so)
I end each day the way I start out
Crying my heart out
Oh...
One less man to pick up after...
No more laughter...
No more love... (no more love)
Since he went
Oh, he went away
(He went away)
(One less bell to answer)
Why did he leave me?
(Oh why why did he leave?)
Now I've got one less egg to fry (one less bell to answer)
One less egg to fry
(Oh why why did he leave?) And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because my man told me goodbye
(Oh why why did he leave?)
(One less bell to answer) Somebody tell me please where did he go? why did he go?
(Oh, why?) Tell me how could he leave me
(Why did he leave?)

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: David Hal / Bacharach Burt F
One Less Bell To Answer lyrics © New Hidden Valley Music Co., New Hidden Valley Music Company, Casa David Music, Songs Of Fujimusic, New Hidden Valley Music Co, Bmg Rights Management (uk) Ltd (hal David) 

Sunday, March 14, 2021

"there is a better life for me and you."

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 14, 2021

Are you letting PTSD make you miserable? (In this dirty old part of the city where the sun refused to shine) Do you think it is pointless to try to live a happier life? (People tell me there ain't no use in tryin') Why the hell would you believe them?

If you are sick and tired of hearing doom and gloom from people without a single clue about what is possible, then it is time to get out of that place of doubt and into a place of hope because "there is a better life for me and you."

Sometimes over the years, I tried to help someone who seemed to like being miserable. Never could understand someone actually wanting others to feel sorry for them. They treated PTSD like a contest, trying to beat someone else's story of what caused their PTSD. They were sucking all the oxygen out of the room. Other people, who had a hard time talking about their lives, ended up looking at the floor and remained silent. Most people don't want to talk about it even though they know they need to in order to begin to heal.

The worst part was, when people did try to talk, they were shut down. The "patients" in a lot of therapy sessions were forced to tell the their story over and over again and they relieved all the horrible moments, over and over again. The thing was, they were already doing that during flashbacks and nightmares. There was no closure in that type of treatment. Most groups worked a lot better if they were run by someone who did not let one dominate the entire session. Feeling safe to talk, starts to take power away from PTSD. The sooner you start, the sooner is loses power and the sooner you get happier!

Understanding that surviving caused PTSD, is half the battle. There should be no shame in surviving what happened to you. And there is certainly no reason to believe you have to suffer for surviving.
 
Today the featured video is The Animals We Got To Get Out Of This Place
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

We Got To Get Out Of This Place
The Animals

In this dirty old part of the city
Where the sun refused to shine
People tell me there ain't no use in tryin'
Now my girl, you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know
Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away, oh yes I know it
And I've been workin' too, baby (yeah!)
Every night and day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
'Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you
Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true, yeah
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know it
Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey, yeah
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away
I know he's been workin' so hard
Every day baby (yeah!)
Whoa!
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Somewhere baby
Somehow I know it, baby
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Believe me baby
I know it baby
You know it too

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
We Gotta Get out of This Place lyrics © EMI Music Publishing 

bonus
House Of The Rising Sun

It's My Life

Thursday, March 4, 2021

What will life be like when it is good again?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 4,2021

Dolly Parton wrote When Life Is Good Again offering hope for when the pandemic is over, and life is good again. When I listen to her beautiful song, I can't help but think it is also what life can be like when you heal PTSD. Too many don't know what it can be good again, and I'm living proof. My husband is living proof. Thousands of others are living proof that life as a survivor of whatever caused PTSD can actually be good again.
No matter how hard people try to understand, they can't if they didn't live with it. I know what the darkness is like and I also know what denial is like.

The PTSD I had in me was different than what my husband was going through. Mine only centered on my ex-husband, even though I had survived a lifetime of events. It stayed with me because first he tired to kill me and then he stalked me for a long time. I know I've told this story hundreds of times, so I'll keep it short. The nightmares and flashbacks, panic attacks and mood swings, paranoia, doubt in myself and sense of self worth suffered but in fleeting moments. All it took was the sound of a muscle car to set it all off. For decades, while I knew all the events I survived changed me. I did not notice that I had PTSD until my daughter pointed it out one day when we were talking about my ex-husband. That was hard to take for me because even as an "expert" and decades invested in helping people heal, I didn't even see it in myself. Just goes to show that people never stop learning. 

The thing is, I also know what it is like when life got good again. I healed. I got into a great relationship with myself so that I was ready to have one with the man I've been married to for over 36 years now. Life does get good again.

His life got good again too, even though he will be working on his mental health for the rest of  his life, it is a much better life than he would have had if he did not seek recovery over suffering.

If you want life to be good again for you as a survivor of whatever cause PTSD in you, then go for it. Work at it and you will have it. Did you know PTSD stops getting worse as soon as you talk about it and then you take power away from it?

Recovery is not perfect and is not a cure for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, but it is healing it the same way all wounds heal. You may end up with some battle scars, but they are only part of your past so you can rejoice in where you arrived!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

When Life Is Good Again
Dolly Parton

When life is good again
I'll be a better friend
A bigger person when
Life is good again
More thoughtful than I've been
I'll be so different then
More in the moment when
Life is good again
I'll open up my heart
And let the whole world in
I'll try to make amends
When life is good again
We've been brought to our knees
We've been so ill at ease
There are no guarantees
But you know life goes on
This too shall pass away
Bring new and different days
We need to change our ways
And right our wrongs
Let's open up our hearts
And let the whole world in
Let's try to make amends
When life is good again
I'll open up my doors again
And hear the message in the wind
Repent of all my sins (Hallelujah)
When life is good again
I'll try to be someone
On which you can depend
A helping hand to lend
Let's open up our eyes
And see what's goin' on
If we're to move along
From where we've been
Let's open up our hearts
And let the love shine in (shine in)
We've all got knees to bend
And we'll just pray 'til then
Ask God's forgiveness when
Life is good again
And it's gonna be good again
(It's gonna be, it's gonna be)
It's gonna be good again
It'll be alright (it'll be alright)
God's the reason for all things
You want rainbows, you get rain
We'll all be forever changed (forever changed)
I'll sail my boat and fly my kite
Walk in the park, go out at night
And hold my loved ones extra tight
When everything is on the mend
I'll even drink with my old friends
Sing and play my mandolin
We'll make it through this long dark night
Darkness fades when faced with light
But everything's gonna be alright
When life is good again

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dolly Parton / Kent Wells
When Life Is Good Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Bonus Video

Saturday, February 27, 2021

be between their pain and glory

The following is from my business site

Moral Mortal

Kathie Costos
February 25, 2021

Do you want to be the best thing that ever happened to them? Isn't that why you got into the mental health field? You remember what they looked like the first time they came to see you. Their life was a mess and they were depressed, feeling lost and confused. They took their last bit of hope and reached out to you for help. You also know the rush you get when you see someone walk out your door for the last time, with a smile on their face. It is the one field where not having returning customers is success!

With so much competition out there, you need all the help you can get to help more people. I know that feeling. For 38 years, I dedicated my life to helping veterans and families find their way toward healing...by sending them to therapists when they were ready for more help than I could give.

Back in 1993 when I started working online, I was easy to find. Not much competition back then. The other good thing is, everyone was in the work for the right reasons. Most of us had personal connections to PTSD. We understood it, lived with it, and learned how to take back our lives from it. We passed on that knowledge we obtained the hard way to make it easier for others.

When the veteran suicide report from the Department of Veterans Affairs came out in 2012, there was a flood of people rushing to push the headline of "22 a day" when they didn't bother to read the whole report. Thousands of charities popped up and it became a billion dollar industry. The pioneers in the field, doing the work for the right reasons, we pushed out of the way. Most of the people I knew back when we started, gave up. I almost did too but I had some support from professionals convincing me that  clearing the way toward hope was essential.

With over 600 videos, three books, thousands of articles, almost 4 decades of research, and lives saved, I want you to feel like you are the best thing that ever happened to your patients. That is why I am offering a service geared to your success story. 

I can set up a blog for you, provide posts written specifically for your work and help you reach more lives you can turn around.

Those are the results for Wounded Times
Those are the results for PTSD Patrol

Call me and let's talk about how you can help more people, like me, since I went to therapy a couple of times. My therapist was one of the best things that ever happened to me. She encouraged me to write my first book!

407-754-7526 Florida number but now live in New Hampshire!

You're The Best Thing That Ever Happened To Me 

I've had my share of life's ups and downs
But fate's been kind, the downs have been few
I guess you could say that I've been lucky
And I guess you could say, it's all because of you
If anyone should ever write my life story
For whatever reason there might be
You'd be there between each line of pain and glory
'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me
You're the best thing that ever happened to me
Oh, there have been times when the times were so hard
But somehow, some way I'd made it through
And for every moment I've spent hurting
There's been moments spent loving you
If anyone should ever write my life story
For whatever reason there might be
You'd be there between each line of pain and glory
'Cause you're the best thing that ever happened to me
You're the best thing that ever happened to me

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: James D. Weatherly
You're the Best Thing That Ever Happened to Me lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Universal Music Publishing Group 

Wednesday, February 24, 2021

PTSD: last time for their last chance?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 24, 2021

How many times should you try to get someone you love to get help? How many different ways do you try to explain it, get them to stop denying what you see so clearly, and seek help? How many times do you put up with their mood swings, paranoia, overblown reactions, accusations and general nastiness, before you have had enough? How many times do you take them walking out the door and not knowing if you want them to come back in it again, before you start to think about changing the locks?

When you live with someone with PTSD and they refuse to get help, there are so many questions you have, while feeling lost, as if there is no one who will understand what it is like to be you. You don't want to tell the people you work with. You may be covering it up with your family, making excuses for them not being at family events, calling their boss because they won't go to work or even call in sick. If you have kids, you may be trying to cover it up so they don't end up blaming themselves. You know what that feels like since you have been doing a great job blaming yourself.

So when do you get to your last time for their last chance?

Before you decide anything, you need to be prepared for what comes with your decision. If you give them the choice between getting help or getting out, they may be very open to saving the relationship. They may not be willing to listen, no matter how many times you try to explain it to them, and they may  walk out of your life, or take their own life. It happens both ways.

Isn't it better to do what you can before you have to get to that point? Learn what PTSD is so you understand it for your own sake. Help your kids understand it for their sake. You cannot control what he/she does no matter how hard you try and you cannot predict what their rock bottom will finally be, anymore than you can predict what they will do when they reach it. You can only control what you do.
When PTSD was the worst for us, we had separate lives. I got tired of making excuses for why things were the way they were. In other words, I was tired of living a lie. So I told the truth and did what I wanted to do, went where I wanted to go and let him know he was welcome to come with me or not.

The trick was, not holding a grudge if he didn't want to go. I had a good time and went home happy that I decided to go.

Everyone reaches limits but not everyone has the same outcome. Just understand that you have to make your own choices and so do they. Give them as much as you can and then decide what is right for you. At least when you make an informed decision, you'll understand whatever they choose, has nothing to do with you...it is all about them and what they decide to do for themselves.

The Last Time
Rolling Stones 

Well I told you once and I told you twice
But ya never listen to my advice
You don't try very hard to please me
With what you know it should be easy
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well, I'm sorry girl but I can't stay
Feelin' like I do today
It's too much pain and too much sorrow
Guess I'll feel the same tomorrow
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Well I told you once and I told you twice
That someone will have to pay the price
But here's a chance to change your mind
'Cause I'll be gone a long, long time
Well this could be the last time
This could be the last time
Maybe the last time
I don't know, oh no, oh no
Last time baby
To say no more
Baby I don't know
Well I don't know
Well, I don't know
I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know
Well, I don't know

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger
The Last Time lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc 

Or do you give them shelter? 

Gimme Shelter
Rolling Stones

Ooh, a storm is threatening
My very life today
If I don't get some shelter
Ooh yeah I'm gonna fade away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Ooh, see the fire is sweepin'
Our streets today
Burns like a red coal carpet
Mad bull lost its way
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, yeah, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Rape, murder, it's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
Mmm, a flood is threatening
My very life today
Gimme, gimme shelter
Or I'm gonna fade away
War, children
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
It's just a shot away
I tell you love, sister
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
It's just a kiss away
Kiss away, kiss away

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jagger Mick / Jagger Michael Phillip
Gimme Shelter lyrics © Mirage Music Int. Ltd. C/o Essex Music Int. L 

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Saturday, February 20, 2021

Secrets stolen from deep inside

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 20, 2021 

There are times when you think about someone and it is comforting. Others times, brought on by bad memories, it can become yet another sleepless night, especially if those memories are of the one who caused PTSD.

Having PTSD is like carrying around a suitcase of bad memories. No matter how hard you try, you cannot put it down. You can carry it for the rest of your life, until you get help to unpack it. That is what therapists are for. They will catch you because they are there waiting for you.

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after
But what if you don't know you have it? What if you did notice yourself falling down? After continually picking yourself up, there is a reason it kept happening. One thing to keep in mind is that no matter how long you had PTSD, but ignored it, or stuffed in into that suitcase, you can still get help to be happier, with or without a therapist, but it works better with one.

For me, it was my ex-husband. He managed to do more damage than all the other times my life was on the line combined. He tried to kill me one night. That wasn't the end of what he did. He stalked me for a long time. When I thought he stopped, he proved he didn't because 2 years after that horrible night, he walked over to my then future husband, and introduced himself. Whatever residual shock I had left, became PTSD, but I didn't see it in me. Yes, I was in denial.

I became an expert on PTSD and a lot of people wondered how I understood so much that I was able to put into words, what they were unable to do. I just figured since I had lived through so many different things, experience flashbacks, mood swings, panic attacks, paranoia, anger and unable to trust easily, I saw myself in those who were suffering so much more than I was. Yes, still in denial.

I kept saying that PTSD was not a contest when others were acting like it was when they were talking about their own experiences. One veteran challenged me by reminding me that I was never in combat, so I couldn't understand what it did to him. I told him that aside from living with my own veteran, I went on to list everything I had been through, Then I said, "You have no experience with any of those things, but you can understand what it all did to me, and I can understand what combat did to you. That should have given me a clue, but it didn't. Yes, still in denial.

Every time I heard a muscle car engine rev, it all came back. My ex always drove one. He was a great auto body tech, and constantly had different cars at his disposal. That was why it didn't matter which car the sound belonged to. It was not until after many years after we moved out of that state and I received a copy of his death notice in the obituary section of a news paper that the sound stopped freaking me out. For over 20 years, no one saw PTSD in me, including a couple of therapists.

Last year my daughter and I were talking about all that and she said, "You never told me you had PTSD." The truth is, because I had never told myself. It was a little while after that, I decided to open up this work to everyone going through PTSD, but I did not connect that change to my awakening. I just saw the need growing and believed I could help more people because of all I lived through. 

This is why if you fall, I want to catch you. I know what it is like, but I also know what it is like to have power over your own life after you survive. I am the only one who gets to define my life, not what was done to me, because I survived it, scarred and wounded, but not destroyed...and now, no longer in denial!

This is why the featured video today is Cyndi Lauper, Time After Time.

Remember, it is your life...get in an drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Time After Time
Cyndi Lauper 

Lying in my bed, I hear the clock tick and think of you
Caught up in circles
Confusion is nothing new
Flashback, warm nights
Almost left behind
Suitcase of memories
Time after
Sometimes you picture me
I'm walking too far ahead
You're calling to me, I can't hear
What you've said
Then you say, "go slow"
And I fall behind
The second hand unwinds
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
After my picture fades and darkness has
Turned to gray
Watching through windows
You're wondering if I'm okay
Secrets stolen from deep inside (deep inside)
And the drum beats out of time
If you're lost you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall I will catch you, I'll be waiting
Time after time
If you're lost, you can look and you will find me
Time after time
If you fall, I will catch you, I will be waiting
Time after time
Time after time
I've got a suitcase of memories that I almost left behind
Time after time
Time, time, time
But you say to go slow but I fall behind
Time after time after time (after time, oh)

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Robert Hyman / Cyndi Lauper

Friday, February 19, 2021

the power you do have to make a difference

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
February 19, 2021

These are Godawful days right now. A pandemic of illness and anger sweeping over the country. So many people hurting and suffering, wondering how they can get through this day. The people of Texas are going through so much right now, they are wondering how to stay alive today on top of everything else. Human nature has many sitting around, getting angry and frustrated, wanting to get justice from those in charge. The thing is, no regular citizen has the power to change the causes of any of it today. We only have the power to change what we can.

I only know a tiny bit of what they are going through in Texas. I lived in Florida and we had a lot of hurricanes when I was there. I remember when Hurricane Charlie came through Central Florida. It was terrible. No power, streets destroyed and empty stores, if we were lucky enough to find one with power on. We did what we could, searching for water, food and operating gas stations. We were lucky that we had our power back in a matter of hours, and had little damage to our house. Some of our neighbors were not so lucky.

Still I remember how relieved we were to see the National Guard trucks bringing in water, supplies, helping to clean up and get power restored to other neighborhoods. We were even more grateful because we knew, they left their own homes and families to come and take care of the rest of us.

When you are going through these horrible days, you need to take care of you and your family to make it through today. Think about the power you do have to make a difference. If you can, try to help in whatever way you do have the power to do. Even making a tiny difference can seem like a miracle.


Remember other days when you didn't think you could get through them, but you did and better days came afterwards. That is why the featured video today is One Republic Better Days.

Each really sucky day ended up becoming better days because you got through the shitty ones, especially if you are dealing with PTSD. Doing something productive, and positively, can change the way today is. Use what power you do have until you can hold people accountable, because that is also in your power, but just not very useful to you right now.

Make a difference as much as you can, where you can, so you will help someone else have a better day too.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Better Days
One Republic 

Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Wakin' up in California
But these clouds they won't go away
Everyday is like another storm, yeah
I'm just tryin' not to go insane
Yeah, and the city shinin' so bright
So many dark nights, so many dark days
But any time I feel the paranoia
I close my eyes and I pray
Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Been wakin' up to a new year
Got the past million miles away
I'm waking up with a new fear (new fear)
But I know it'll wash away
Whatever you do, don't worry 'bout me
I'm thinkin' 'bout you, don't worry 'bout us
'Cause in the morning everything can change, yeah
And time will tell you it does
Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Better days
Better days
Better days
Better days
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Brent Michael Kutzle / John Nathaniel / Ryan B Tedder
Better Days lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing 

Bonus video 
You Raise Me Up
Celtic Women 

Do What You Can
Bon Jovi

Wednesday, February 17, 2021

everybody hurts...not everybody helps when you do

PTSD Patrol 
Kathie Costos 
February 17, 2021

Everybody struggles with something they need help with. When you have PTSD, you are struggling with a a lot of things, but feeling like you cannot find someone to trust makes it worse.

When you are hurting and surrounded by people enjoying themselves, it can change your mood. That does not always happen in a good way. Most of the time, you can push back your pain so that no one sees it. Sometimes you can't. Sometimes you have to just walk away before you cry in front of them.

Why? Why be so afraid to show you are struggling with something? Sometimes it goes back to when you were a kid and got hurt. If you had people around you, letting you lean on them when you needed to, or being there to do what you couldn't do, remember those times. Tap into that trust again as an adult.

But what if others told you to just suck it up...get over it...stop crying...grow up? You are tapping into those memories keeping you from trusting anyone with your pain now.

Stop! Stop judging people you know now based on the people in your past. Your world is no longer a tiny group of people. As much as you may have encountered some who do rebuff you when you try to ask for help, there are others that tapped into their own pain enough to feel yours.

This is why today the featured video is R.E.M. Everybody Hurst.


If you reach out to one, and do not find the support you need, reach out to someone else. Keep doing it because sooner or later, you'll find others who not only know what you are going through, those willing to help you remember what it was like when no one would help them. They also know what it was like when they found someone who did and they want to be that person for you. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Everybody Hurts
R.E.M.

When your day is long
And the night, the night is yours alone
When you're sure you've had enough
Of this life, well hang on
Don't let yourself go
'Cause everybody cries
Everybody hurts sometimes
Sometimes everything is wrong
Now it's time to sing along
When your day is night alone (hold on, hold on)
If you feel like letting go (hold on)
If you think you've had too much
Of this life, well hang on
'Cause everybody hurts
Take comfort in your friends
Everybody hurts
Don't throw your hand, oh no
Don't throw your hand
If you feel like you're alone
No, no, no, you are not alone
If you're on your own in this life
The days and nights are long
When you think you've had too much
Of this life to hang on
Well, everybody hurts sometimes
Everybody cries
Everybody hurts, sometimes
And everybody hurts sometimes
So hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
Hold on, hold on, hold on
Everybody hurts

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Mills / Berry / Buck / Stipe
Everybody Hurts lyrics © Night Garden Music 

Calling all angels

Wounded Times PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos April 15, 2021 Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and vetera...

PTSD Patrol

PTSD Patrol
It is your life, get in and drive it