Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 15, 2021

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021

"Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talked...and someone listened. No relationship can last if they do not talk to each other about a hell of a lot more than dinner or who does what chores.

How many times have you been out to eat and look around, seeing most of the people looking at their cell phones instead of talking to the people they are with? The social media people are getting all their attention but not the person they are with. It is really bad when young parents are on their cellphones while their young child is throwing french fries at other tables. (Yes I saw that a time or two.)

A lot of relationships end with just regular problems. Add PTSD to the trouble list along with refusing to talk about what is going on and you end up causing a lot of imagination overload for your partner. They know you're hiding something, but since you won't tell them, they start assuming it has something to do with them.

If you are pushing them away at the same time you are not talking, which happens a lot, then you may get it sooner than you think when you push them too far away...and they walk away,

Can you imagine how they feel today? Today the featured video is Cliff Richard, We Don't Talk Anymore. 
There must have been a time when you did talk and actually acted like you wanted to spend time with them, not with distractions. There must have been a time when you actually looked into their eyes when they talked to you as if they deserved your attention. Above all, there must have been a time when you trusted them enough to share what was on your mind.

How about you try to do all that again before they walk away from you?
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster)
Cliff Richard

Used to think that life was sweet
Used to think we were so complete
I can't believe you'd throw it away
Used to feel we had it made
Used to feel we could sail away
Can you imagine how I feel today?
Well, it seems a long time ago
You were the lonely one
Now it comes to letting go
You are the only one
Do you know what you've done?
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore
It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore
But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore
Oh, we don't talk, ooh
Well, it really doesn't matter to me
I guess your leaving was meant to be
It's down to you now, you wanna be free
Well, I hope you know which way to go
You're on your own again
Don't come crying to me when you're the lonely one
Remember what you've done
Oh, it's so funny how we don't talk anymore
It's so funny, why we don't talk anymore
But I ain't losing sleep and I ain't counting sheep
No, no, no
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore
Oh, we don't talk anymore
Ooh, we don't talk anymore
But I ain't, no, losing sleep
No, I ain't counting sheep
No, no, no, no
It's so funny how we don't talk anymore, anymore
Oh, we don't talk, oh, we don't talk

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: A Tarney
We Don't Talk Anymore (2001 Remaster) lyrics © Sony/atv Music Publishing (uk) Limited 

Monday, June 14, 2021

When you feel your life's too hard

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 14, 2021

I was searching for a video on the need to talk when I heard Stevie Wonder, Have A Talk With God. The line, "Never communicating with the One who lives within," really got me. I was thinking about all the times someone told me they have a hard time asking for help. I'm not sure if they are ashamed they need it, or ashamed of not having anyone to ask for it.

In my case, I have no problem asking for help but no one I know can help me with what I need help with, so I talk to God. Who am I kidding? Pretty much I talk to Him about everything! He has been in my life all my life and the only one I have trusted all my life. It is hard to not trust Him considering He already knows everything about me. Sometimes I trust Him more than I trust myself.


He won't blab to someone else about what you told Him in secret. He won't laugh at you. He will comfort you. He will forgive you if that is what you need or guide you if you are lost and don't know what to do, but most of all, He will help you forgive others and find peace with letting go of things you have no control over.

If you have PTSD, the cause of it was out of your control. You need to let go of the "would" "could" and "should" thoughts filling your brain with self blame. You are haunted by the past and need to peace to move forward without being stuck looking in the rearview mirror.

The other thing is, if you ask to be shown the way toward healing, He will guide you there. Consider the directions from the Heavenly GPS, God Plain and Simple!

Stay away from anyone who tells you something like, "God only gives us what we can handle," because that giving you the thought that He did it to you. They actually expect you to pray to Him after they just told you He did it on purpose? God will give you what you need to get through it!

Think about it this way, others went through things that you are going through and their hearts were tugged to help others get through their own struggles, knowing they are not alone. Who do you think tugged their hearts? He did and they were willing to listen. Are you willing to ask?

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 


Have a Talk With God
Stevie Wonder

There are people who have let the problems of today
Lead them to conclude that for them life is not the way
But every problem has an answer, and if yours you cannot find
You should talk it over to Him
He'll give you peace of mind
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Many of us feel we walk alone without a friend
Never communicating with the One who lives within
Forgetting all about the One who never, ever lets you down
And you can talk to Him anytime, He's always around
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Well, He's the only free psychiatrist
That's known throughout the world
For solving the problems of all men
Women, little boys, and girls
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
When your load's too much to bear
Just go talk to God, He cares
(I know He does)
When you feel your life's too hard
Just go have a talk with God
Thank you
Thank you very much

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Wonder Stevie / Hardaway Calvin
Have a Talk With God lyrics © Jobete Music Co., Inc.

Sunday, June 13, 2021

when we are no longer remembered

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 13,2021

Everyone will die one day. Famous people become part of history. For most people, someone will remember them, for as long as they live, but a day will come, when we are no longer remembered.
Conversely, to blot out a person’s name was to destroy that individual for all eternity, to eliminate him from the historical record.
Death Ancient Egypt
The thing is, what you do here on earth, never dies. Your name may be forgotten, but every life you touch, passes that on to others. They touch more lives and it spreads far beyond what you can see, beyond people you know, far more than you realize and much longer than you breathe.

Today's featured video is Casting Crowns, Scars In Heaven.
Matthew McConaughey Reads 1 Corinthians 12 12 27
We are all part of one body and each part of the "body" has a job to do, while we live. When someone we love dies, according to the Bible, there is no pain, sadness, or any bad memories. They will take all the good with them and it will live on. All the love they receive, joy, happiness and wonderful memories live on. There are no scars in Heaven. Maybe our job, instead of wanting to be remembered, is to have what we do remembered long after we are gone?

When we do something for someone else, it changes them. When you have PTSD, most of the time, it was caused by someone else. You know what that pain is like and how it changed you. Hopefully by now, you also know what it is like to have those scars healed because someone did something for you. They showed you that you do matter, and helped you heal the scars.

You can turn around and pass that on for them and they will change the other people in their lives by living a happier life. That gets passed on and on and on, long after they are gone too, but the number of lives you changed will never stop being changed.

Look at what happened because people decided to spread the messages of love that Jesus delivered. The 12 Disciples names are written in the Bible but there were 72 others also sent. No one knows their names but they had spread the messages to many more than the 12 did. What they delivered spread across the world and to generations of the generation they preached to. What you do when you live spreads too.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Scars in Heaven
Casting Crowns

If I had only known the last time
Would be the last time
I would have put off all the things I had to do
I would have stayed a little longer
Held on a little tighter
Now what I'd give for one more day with you
'Cause there's a wound here in my heart
Where something's missing
And they tell me that it's gonna heal with time
But I know you're in a place
Where all your wounds have been erased
And knowing yours are healed is healing mine
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven
Are on the Hands that hold you now
I know the road you walked was anything but easy
You picked up your share of scars along the way
Oh, but now you're standing in the sun
You've fought your fight and your race is run
The pain is all a million miles away
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven, yeah
Are on the Hands that hold you now
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
Hallelujah
For the Hands that hold you now
There's not a day goes by that I don't see you
You live on in all the better parts of me
Until I'm standing with you in the sun
I'll fight this fight and this race I'll run
Until I finally see what you can see, oh-oh
The only scars in Heaven
They won't belong to me and you
There'll be no such thing as broken
And all the old will be made new
And the thought that makes me smile now
Even as the tears fall down
Is that the only scars in Heaven
Are on the Hands that hold you now

Source: Musixmatch 

Thursday, June 10, 2021

Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 10, 2021

Yesterday I had some personal things to do. To tell the truth, I needed a mental health day too. I am glad I did. I was looking for music to use today when I came across Disturbed Stronger On Your Own. As I listened to it, I started to think how I am stronger, and happier on my own.

When I lived in Florida, I was involved with a lot of veterans groups. I really cared about them, but there was something that was in the way of getting close to them. Politics! I listened to them say how much they hated things I believed, without them knowing what I thought. Some people on the other side, were OK and didn't seem to put it first above all else and we stayed friends. I kept my mouth shut with the others as they went on and on about their views, anger, bitterness and hatred. I still cared about them but it hurt.

I kept thinking that if they knew what I thought, they'd hate me too. I was right. When I moved to New Hampshire, it was lonely. We had a few friends and our daughter was here, we were also closer to other family members. Then the pandemic hit and things got shut down. It got even lonelier.

I got stronger! I looked back at how I hid what I thought as if I had anything to be ashamed of, when I didn't. 

This has gone way beyond simple political differences. I used to really enjoy a good debate but it did not cause as much hatred as it has the last ten years or so. Now it is as if we are so filled with it, nothing else matters to far too many.

If you have PTSD and you are dealing with this political BS, walk away. We've all heard crap over the years, especially about what people want to believe. There were decades when people thought PTSD was not real and if you are a veteran, you probably heard someone say that you were only out for a free ride, a government paycheck and it was all BS. I'd love to hear one of them say that to a civilian with PTSD, especially when the percentage of people denying it is still higher than those who admit it. The stigma and crappy attitude is alive and well because facts are still damned and people like to hear what they already believe.

If you are surrounded by people who do not think the way you do, then walk away. Listening to them will rob you of healing and get in the way. You should not have to change what you believe to fit in with someone who has shown you they already hate you, even though they never heard it from you.

It is a hinderance to your recovery. Wish them well and then tell them to go to hell. It is better to be on your own until you find others who do think like you, believe what you do, or, at least accept you as you are. 

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Stronger on Your Own
Disturbed

Everybody has a story to tell
Listen closely now and you can hear mine as well
I was addicted to breaking my heart
I couldn't get enough of feeling it torn apart
So conflicted, in feeling the pain
I say I've had enough but still want it all again
I won't deny
I tried to hide it
But it was killing me inside
And now I
Feel un-whole
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your
Stronger on your own
I've created my own personal hell
Come inside with me and you can be mine as well
This affliction will blacken your heart
I keep believing as it's tearing my soul apart
Self-destruction is the name of the game
I say I've had enough but still want it all again
I won't deny
I tried to hide it
But now it's killing me inside
And now I
Feel so cold
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your own
And when you're able to decide
Then you don't want this anymore
You'll be the one to turn the tide
For you are stronger on your
Stronger on your
Stronger on your own
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
Leave it alone
Bury it, bury it
Leave it alone
Bury the dead
So if you're able to survive
And still you find yourself alone
You will begin to realize
That you are stronger on your own
And when you're able to decide
Then you don't want this anymore
You'll be the one to turn the tide
For you are stronger on your
Stronger on your
Stronger on your own

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Dan Donegan / David Draiman / Kevin Churko / Mike Wengren
Stronger on Your Own lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc, Kobalt Music Publishing Ltd. 

Tuesday, June 8, 2021

why should you join a support group

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 8, 2021

Today I posted about how Wounded Times (my other site) reached over 5 million page views. I wrote that All that work was worth it because it was but for a long time, I didn't feel that way. I was getting less and less comments, hardly no feedback, and I started to think that it just didn't matter anymore. It hurt.

Now I know better but believe it or not, that is one of the reasons why you should join a support group. I know it sounds like a strange leap, but hear me out.

It was lonely and it got harder to find a reason to keep doing something that was healing for me. Knowing I was making a difference, was like a gift I gave myself. When you have PTSD and are doing the work alone, it is great but there comes a time when you need the positive feedback from others. Face it! We all have an ego. Feed your ego!

Think about it this way. If you were really overweight and put in a lot of work to lose it, but moved to a new town where no one knew you, they wouldn't know what you did or how hard you worked at it. Yet, if you went back to where people knew you, they would let you know how proud they were of you, congratulate you on it, and yes, feed your ego. It is like a gift you give yourself.

Being in a support group, gives you that positive feedback, support and inspires you to keep doing the work of healing. When you are healed, you can give that to others too, because you know what it was like when you did it, just as much as you remember what it was like to do it alone. That is a gift you give to others, but also, a gift you give to yourself.




On a personal note, I want to thank the people who stuck with me on Wounded Times, even if I don't know who you are. I am also grateful for the people passing on the work for PTSD Patrol. Reaching over 100,000 page views was because of you being willing to do that.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Make Your Own Kind of Music
The Mamas and the Papas

Nobody can tell you
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

All that work was worth it

Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
June 15, 2021 

(From my other site)

"The loneliest kind of lonely" is when there is no one else like you. I know that feeling because when I started working on PTSD, I didn't know anyone like me. It was lonely because we didn't have the internet and the only information I could find was at the library reading clinical books. Nothing strange about that since it was in 1982.

In 1993, I finally got a computer and then I found other people talking about PTSD. I started my first site on AOL, then it was on a website where I went by NamGuardianAngel. Back then, since I was unique, I had a lot of emails and phone calls. There were even more when I wrote my first book in 2002.

In 2006 I started making videos on PTSD on YouTube and in 2007, I started Wounded Times.

All that work was worth it even though it was never to make money. Sure I wanted to at least break even but the thing was, the work itself kept me going. Getting feed back and reading messages let me know, it mattered to the people I was trying to help.

In 2007 I posted a massive post about suicides hoping that someone with the power to do something would. Once all the groups started to pop up all over the internet and social media, the emails and messages started to go down. I was reading more and more about veterans suffering and very little being done to help them. The problem was, they were doing something about it by using them to make money.

I didn't give up and made more videos, posted more and tried to reach out as much as possible. It got lonelier and lonelier. In 2017 I started PTSD Patrol hoping that with PTSD in the title, I could gain control over the conversation again, and give veterans hope and families understanding.

Last year, it was too much for me, reading the reports of suicides going up in the veterans' community and within the military itself. My heart was breaking. I decided to stop focusing on them and started to open the work up to anyone with PTSD. PTSD Patrol passed 100,000 page views recently.
read more on Wounded Times

Sunday, June 6, 2021

What else can I be but what I am

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 6, 2021

Ever since I posted the video yesterday from Sly And The Family Stone, I've been thinking about a song my parents used to play. Sammie Davis Jr. I Got To Be Me. There was a line in it I didn't remember, "That far away prize, a world of success."

Did you know that you may measure success your own way, for yourself, as you see what it is for you? Do you measure it by what money you make or things you buy? Do you measure it by how popular you are? Or do you measure it by what you do for others, how much you love and care about others?

Who are you to you?

I measure success by doing what I can do with what I have to do it with. Not interested in fitting into what others think I should be or do what others think I should do. I am just "me" and happy that way. I know my qualities, as well as I know my flaws. I worked on the ones I could actually do something about, like my temper, but I learned to accept things I cannot change, like the fact I am a total klutz!

Don't try to go against who you are because that will make you miserable. Don't try to change to fit in, but try to fit in with people who accept you as you are and value you.  My husband and I have been married as long as we have been because we accept each other. I get over his flaws and he gets over mine, because the qualities outweigh the flaws.

Success, when you are on the journey to healing PTSD, is taking "you" all of you with you. Your flaws, that are ones you can change, can be worked on. Your flaws that make you just human, should be understood and accepted. Healing is the "prize" you should reach for and all else will follow that path.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I've Gotta Be Me
Sammy Davis Jr.

Whether I'm right or whether I'm wrong
Whether I find a place in this world or never belong
I gotta be me, I've gotta be me
What else can I be but what I am
I want to live, not merely survive
And I won't give up this dream
Of life that keeps me alive 
I gotta be me, I gotta be me
The dream that I see makes me what I am
That far away prize, a world of success
Is waiting for me if I heed the call 
I won't settle down, won't settle for less
As long as there's a chance that I can have it all
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me
I gotta be free, I've gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die
I've gotta be me
I'll go it alone, that's how it must be
I can't be right for somebody else
If I'm not right for me 
I gotta be free, I just gotta be free
Daring to try, to do it or die 
I gotta be me

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Walter Marks
I've Gotta Be Me lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, Inc
Sammy Davis Jr - I've Gotta Be Me (Live in Germany 1985)

Saturday, June 5, 2021

Healing to me be myself again

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 5, 2021

Keeping with the theme of the last few days, it is a good time to talk about being thankful. Today's featured video is Sly And The Family Stone, Thank You.

If you only focus on what was done to you that caused PTSD, that is all you'll see and it will contribute to feeling miserable. It is better to focus on what was done for you and then you end up healing, being happier and the people around you will be happier too.

I am thankful for God and for all the people who came to help me after each time something horrible happened. Right now, I am also thankful for the therapist I had many years ago for being myself again.

I knew I needed help because I was walking around feeling angry most of the time and frustrated. That isn't me. While I do have a temper, I am a typical Greek on that one. It takes a lot to get me angry, I explode and then I want to hug. It was always over and done with.

That is how I knew this was not "me" so I asked my primary care physician to recommend someone I could see. I called a few of them but when I asked if they knew about PTSD, the first few did not. Then I ended up with a woman who was an expert at the time. She was a family therapist. I told her that I was not interested in saving my marriage. I was more interested in not killing my husband. She laughed and I knew she knew exactly what I was talking about.

Little by little I started to feel the angry leave and I felt more like myself again. We talked about my husband and the work I did, all the people I was helping, but I didn't focus on me. I wish I had and then maybe she would have seen I had PTSD too. It was because of my ex-husband but I didn't have time to focus on that or what he put me though.

Anyway, in between appointments, she wanted me to write about what I needed to say. At first it was a page, then a couple, then more, until one appointment I handed her 35 pages. She took it and said, "Well obviously I'm not reading this right now."

During the next appointment, she handed it back to me and told me I needed to turn it into a book. I did and that was For The Love Of Jack. She really helped me be myself again.

If you focus on you, and get the help you need to heal, then you'll be thankful too for being yourself again. The people in your life will be happier too!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Thank You
Sly And The Family Stone

Lookin' at the devil, grinnin' at his gun
Fingers start shakin', I begin to run
Bullets start chasin', I begin to stop
We begin to wrestle I was on the top
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Stiff all in the collar, fluffy in the face
Chit chat chatter tryin', stuffy in the place
Thank you for the party but I could never stay
Many things on my mind, words in the way
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Dance to the music
All night long
Everyday people
Sing a simple song
Mama's so happy
Mama start to cry
Papa still singin'
You can make it if you try
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again (oh yeah)
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Flamin' eyes of people fear, burnin' into you
Many men are missin' much, hatin' what they do
Youth and truth are makin' love
Dig it for a starter
Dyin' young is hard to take
Sellin' out is harder
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
Thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again
I want to thank you for lettin' me be myself again

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Sylvester Stewart
Thank You (Falettinme Be Mice Elf Agin) lyrics © Mijac Music 

Thursday, June 3, 2021

God is closer than you think

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 3, 2021

This is going up on Wounded Times and PTSD Patrol. Wounded Times is close to hitting 5 million page views. It still gets a lot of traffic no matter if I post on it or not. That tells me that the need is still there. I am retiring from work, but not this work. I am no longer under constraints from non-profits and their rules, so from now on, I will be posting on what I feel needs to be said. Some people will like it, but others won't. While I hope you like it, if you don't, there are plenty of other sites for you. From now on, I'll be posting on both sites, as I feel the need to say something and as always, I hope what I say helps someone.


There are many times we have conversations with someone, and we never forget them. Every once in a while I'll read something or listen to someone, and instantly be reminded of "that" conversation. Today was one of those days.

Years ago I was confronted by an angry veteran. I was at an event, enjoying the music, when he came over to me, glaring at the Chaplain patch on my vest. Pure hatred shot out of his eyes. Once he started to speak it was easy to figure out he had way too much to drink. To this day, I am not sure why I had so much patience with him instead of telling him to go away.

He wanted to know why I was wasting my time on something that didn't exist. Yes, he meant that in his mind, God wasn't real. Like a lot of veterans who had seen way too much horror in the world, he said, "If there was a God, He wouldn't let all that happen. He wouldn't just sit back, let us destroy each other." At one point the thing that haunted him the most popped out. "Little kids starving and getting blown up while that so called God sits back and watches!"

I asked him why he joined the military. He said to serve his country. I asked him if he loved the country or hated it. Naturally he got ticked off then snapped, "I love it." I asked him if he still did and he said he did. I asked him why he still loved it. He responded with, "Because of what this country tries to be. They sent us to defend the people of Kuwait. We did."

I asked him if that was a good reason or a bad one. He said it was a good one.

When people see so much evil, it is hard to understand how a loving God could allow all of it to happen. They forget that He allows freewill from all humans, to make their own choices, to listen to what He says or not, to believe in Him or not and to follow where He leads, or walk away.

We also miss the fact that if they can still care, then God was there all along. It is easy to not be bothered by something if you do not have the heart to feel anything. It is not easy if your soul is being crushed by it. The very fact that veteran still cared about total strangers proved that. God was closer than he thought.

He was inside his soul. Goodness does not come out of evil. Caring about others does not come out of evil.

When we talked a little longer, I tried to get him to understand that. Over and over again he came back with blaming God. I told him that God was there, because people like him risked their lives to save others and would have dropped their weapons if the enemy dropped theirs. I told him that God was there because he was. He cried and walked away. I decided to not try to follow him because I knew he was drinking too much and I never saw him again.

When all you see is evil, that is all you think is there, but when you change what you focus on, you are able to see so much more. I remember the terrible things that happened to me, but I remember those who came to help me more. I remember feeling lost and alone, but I remember what it felt like when I was "found" and knew I wasn't alone in this world. So instead of only seeing what evil thing someone did to me, I focused on what others did for me because God was there.

Today the featured video is Bette Midler, From A Distance. God is watching us, but not from a distance. He lives in all of us and has an active part in all of our lives. When we listen, miracles happen.
If you have PTSD, I am always talking about taking care of your mind, body and spirit...your soul. I hope this fed your soul so that the next time God is trying to get through to you, you will listen.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
From a Distance
Bette Midler

From a distance the world looks blue and green
And the snow capped mountains white
From a distance the ocean meets the stream
And the eagle takes to flight
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
It's the voice of hope
It's the voice of peace
It's the voice of every man
From a distance
We all have enough
And no one is in need
And there are no guns, no bombs and no disease
No hungry mouths to feed
From a distance
We are instruments
Marching in a common band
Playing songs of hope
Playing songs of peace
They are the songs of every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
From a distance
You look like my friend
Even though we are at war
From a distance
I just cannot comprehend
What all this fightings for
From a distance
There is harmony
And it echoes through the land
And it's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
It's the heart of every man
It's the hope of hopes
It's the love of loves
This is the song for every man
God is watching us
God is watching us
God is watching us
From a distance
Oh, God is watching us
God is watching
God is watching us
From a distance

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Julie Gold
From a Distance lyrics © Wing And Wheel Music, Julie Gold Music

Everytime you stand by someone else, do something for someone else out of love...God is there!
Northwell Health Nurse Choir: Gets the GOLDEN BUZZER with their EMOTIONAL Performance!

Wednesday, June 2, 2021

make good times even better

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 2, 2021

Happiness sneaks up on you! All of a sudden, all the things you used to enjoy seem even better than before. "Good times never seemed so good!"

That is what it is like when you come out of the darkest hell and heal PTSD. No longer trapped by misery, doubt, paranoia, feeling as if you have something to hide and realize that life can be better than before. Maybe it is because even though you wouldn't admit it, you missed feeling happy, being with friends, doing fun things and yes, smiling without feeling as if you had to force it.


You end up with strange reactions to things you thought you'd never care about again. When we lived in Florida, there were some spatular sunrises and sunsets. Once in a while my husband would go out to the pool deck and scream my name. I'd go running to him and he'd be pointing up at the sky, with the amazed look of a child seeing it for the first time.

Right now, for me, I feel like a kid when I get to do something as simple as get my hair cut, hug people again and see smiling faces.

The entire world got a lesson on what trauma is by living through their own trauma and it was different for everyone. Some people lost all they owned, others lost everyone they loved. Some people were forced to work from home, others lost their jobs. That is what the darkness of PTSD is like. 

When more people go vaccinated, like us, things started to look more hopeful. People started to do the right thing. Instead of just complaining about what they couldn't do, more and more people decided they could do their part so they would be able to do what they wanted to do safely. We've seen the numbers go down on the sickness and death counts, just as we've seen the numbers go up on the vaccinated side.

That is what healing is! It is what it is like to heal PTSD too. You can make good times even better because now you know what you missed. You won't take it for granted anymore and when it sneaks up on you, you get back hope of more good times and good feelings.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

Sweet Caroline
Neil Diamond

Where it began, I can't begin to knowing
But then I know it's growing strong
Was in the spring
And spring became the summer
Who'd have believed you'd come along
Hands, touching hands
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined
To believe they never would
But now I
Look at the night and it don't seem so lonely
We filled it up with only two
And when I hurt
Hurting runs off my shoulders
How can I hurt when holding you
One, touching one
Reaching out, touching me, touching you
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
I've been inclined
To believe they never would
Oh no, no
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good
Sweet Caroline
I believe they never could
Sweet Caroline
Good times never seemed so good

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Neil Diamond
Sweet Caroline lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, DistroKid 

Tuesday, June 1, 2021

"And since I lost you, it feels like years"

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
June 1, 2021

Relationships are hard under any circumstances. Different personalities, thoughts, needs and wants. They require a lot of work. It is hard to stay and can be hard to leave. If you cared about someone, but felt you had to cut them out of your life, it is hard. What makes it worse is, when you discover you were wrong. Being in a relationship with someone with PTSD is hard. It is damn near impossible when they refuse to get help. It is hell when neither of you know what it is!

A lot of people have spilt up with someone they cared about because there was no hope of restoring a normal relationship, or a functioning one. I've talked to a lot of people over the years who were beating themselves up for ending the relationship...most of the time, their marriages. When they realized they were dealing with PTSD in the one they ended up cutting out of their lives, they try to reconnect. 

It has happened, and there were a lot of happy endings with relationships restored, even if they were different. Sometimes there were other marriages that followed, but at least they were talking. That is a great thing if the couple had kids. Sometimes the couple decided to get re-married because love was still there.

Sometimes it is too late for any of it and regrets cannot be fixed. They can only be forgiven. If you didn't know what PTSD was, and tried to get back in touch with someone, forgive yourself. Understand that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time. Then learn all you can about it to give you the tools to do that. Knowing the cause and what it does will help you understand them, and why you reacted the way you did.

If you are the one with PTSD and you ended the relationship because you didn't understand it, take the time to understand all you can about it now so that you'll understand why they treated you the way they did, as well as why you treated them the way you did. If they won't talk to you, forgive them and yourself.

Today the featured song is The Beatles, You Won't See Me.
You Won’t See Me
The Beatles

While it may be too late to see them...it is never too late to forgive them or yourself.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 

When I call you up
Your line's engaged
I have had enough
So act your age
We have lost the time
That was so hard to find
And I will lose my mind
If you want see me
(You won't see me)
You won't see me
(You won't see me)
I don't know why you (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
Should want to hide (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
But I can't get through (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
My hands are tied (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
I won't want to stay (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
I don't have much to say (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
But I'd get turned away (Ooh-ooh, La la-la)
And you won't see me
(You won't see me)
You won't see me
Time after time
You refuse to even listen
I wouldn't mind
If I knew what I was missing (no, I wouldn't, no, I wouldn't)
Though the days are few (Ooooh, La la-la)
They're filled with tears (Ooooh, La la-la)
And since I lost you (Ooooh, La la-la)
It feels like years (Ooooh, La la-la)
Yes, it seems so long (Ooooh, La la-la)
Girl, since you've been gone (Ooooh, La la-la)
And I just can' go on (Ooooh, La la-la)
If you want see me
You won't see me
(You won't see me)
Time after time
You refuse to even listen
I wouldn't mind
If I knew what I was missing (no, I wouldn't, no, I wouldn't)
Though the days are few (Ooooh, La la-la)
They're filled with tears (Ooooh, La la-la)
And since I lost you (Ooooh, La la-la)
It feels like years (Ooooh, La la-la)
Yes, it seems so long (Ooooh, La la-la)
Girl, since you've been gone (Ooooh, La la-la)
And I just can' go on (Ooooh, La la-la)
If you won't see me
(You won't see me)
You won't see me
(You won't see me)
Yeah!
Ooooh la la-la
Ooooh la la-la
Ooooh la la-la

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Paul Mccartney / John Lennon
You Won’t See Me lyrics © Sony/atv Tunes Llc 

Sunday, May 30, 2021

Thank Vietnam Veterans for healing #PTSD

PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
May 30, 2021

Every Memorial Day, I cry more than most people. Almost everyone thinks about the lives lost during wars, but few think about all those who died because of the wars they fought. It also grieves me that most Americans fighting their own battles with PTSD, have no clue that the help they receive, was created because Vietnam Veterans came home and fought for all of it.

While I got involved almost forty years ago, the Afghanistan and Iraq veterans ended up getting all the attention because their generation was coming home, suffering, and committing suicide. The problem was, the majority of the veteran suicides known, were mostly over the age of fifty. In other words, pre-9 11 veterans, but few seemed to care.

In 2015 I did a video with Mike and the Mechanics song The Living Years. Vietnam Veterans Remembered was to let them know that someone was paying attention to what was still happening to them.
When I lived in Florida, I always recorded the escort of the Wall going into Wickham Park. I used that footage along with images from Vietnam, Iraq and Afghanistan because of the lyrics of the song. Too many forget that war they fought and too many do not know they are still fighting it.
"So we open up a quarrel Between the present and the past"
No Vietnam veteran wants to take away from the newer generations. They took a vow to fight for all generations. The thing is, they don't want to be pushed aside. It should never be one generation being helped while sacrificing the other generations.

Once in a while I go back through some old emails. This is from 2006 about the book I wrote, For The Love Of Jack. I wrote it about our generation before 2001 and then self published it to help the newer generation that would follow them, and their families. That is something I learned from them...to fight for all generations.
Thank you so much for sharing your pain and story, You have helped me with my family and you dont even know it....As I read your story I was sitting there realising that you were talking about me in so many ways...the way I had become and the way I was headed. And Yes I am a combat Vet, from a long line of vets.......if I could just find out why there is no answers...........But I wanted to say thank you.......

Let the images sink in on this video because the pictures from Afghanistan and Iraq were the only ones people seemed to care about, but the older generations waited longer, suffered longer and still fought for the newer generation so that they would not end up like them.

The thing is, my generation is still fighting so that the newer generation does not have to suffer instead of healing the wounds they carried for far too long. We are retiring and dying off but doing all we can "in the living years."

When Vietnam veterans came home and fought for all the research on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, they were concentrating on what happens to those who fight the wars for this country. They had no clue that their efforts would end up helping everyone with PTSD. If you have PTSD and are getting help to heal, and you see a Vietnam veteran, say "thank you" to them because you have the hope of healing because of them.


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

The Living Years
Song by Mike + The Mechanics

Every generation
Blames the one before
And all of their frustrations
Come beating on your door
I know that I'm a prisoner
To all my Father held so dear
I know that I'm a hostage
To all his hopes and fears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Oh, crumpled bits of paper
Filled with imperfect thought
Stilted conversations
I'm afraid that's all we've got
You say you just don't see it
He says it's perfect sense
You just can't get agreement
In this present tense
We all talk a different language
Talking in defence
Say it loud (say it loud), say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So we open up a quarrel
Between the present and the past
We only sacrifice the future
It's the bitterness that lasts
So don't yield to the fortunes
You sometimes see as fate
It may have a new perspective
On a different day
And if you don't give up, and don't give in
You may just be okay
So say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
Because it's too late, it's too late (it's too late) when we die (oh when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
I wasn't there that morning
When my Father passed away
I didn't get to tell him
All the things I had to say
I think I caught his spirit
Later that same year
I'm sure I heard his echo
In my baby's new born tears
I just wish I could have told him in the living years
Say it loud, say it clear (oh say it clear)
You can listen as well as you hear
It's too late (it's too late) when we die (it's too late when we die)
To admit we don't see eye to eye
So say it, say it, say it loud (say it loud)
Say it clear (come on say it clear)

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: B.A. Robertson / Mike Rutherford (gb)
The Living Years lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Concord Music Publishing LLC

Saturday, May 29, 2021

Take your passion and make it happen

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 29, 2021

"First when there's nothing but a slow glowing dream, that your fear seems to hide deep inside your mind." The featured video today is What A Feeling from Flashdance. Listening to this song made me very happy because I've been thinking a lot about retiring. Next year, it will be forty years since I had a dream of making things better for people with PTSD. That's a long time for anyone!

I feel so much better thinking about it now because of one of the groups I discovered, using music, a message and trying to save people from suicide. Sounds Of Saving is doing the work I do and doing it a lot better than I ever could.
Songs that save lives
Music has been clinically proven to have a positive impact on mental health. The right song can affect our psychobiological stress system and create feelings of motivation, happiness and relaxation.
We think the world should know that music can fight mental illness.

"Take your passion and make it happen." That is what came into my head when I was reading and listening to what they are doing. When you are passionate about something, share it. If you are an artist and find a new way of doing something, do it. You may not be the best artist, but you can inpsire a better one and the beauty gets out into the world. You may love to write but never had the support or someone to publicize your work (been there and done that) but your words can inspire others and the world changes.

I often think about all the others who were involved with defeating PTSD long before me and wonder how they feel about what ended up happening because of "slow glowing dream" of healing they started when there was nothing before they came along.

The goal is to save lives and help people find a new way to live, healing instead of suffering. With Sounds Of Saving out there, along with a lot of other groups, they will make it happen.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD 
Flashdance...What A Feeling
Irene Cara 

First when there's nothing
But a slow glowing dream
That your fear seems to hide
Deep inside your mind
All alone I have cried
Silent tears full of pride
In a world made of steel
Made of stone
Well, I hear the music
Close my eyes, feel the rhythm
Wrap around, take a hold of my heart
What a feeling (what a feeling), beings believing (beings believing)
I can have it all now I'm dancing for my life
Take your passion (what a feeling) and make it happen (beings believing)
Pictures come alive you could dance right through your life
Now I know, I got the chance
To reach the top, is so intense
In a world made of steel
Made of stone
Now I hear the music
Close my eyes I am rhythm
In a flash it takes hold
Of my heart
What a feeling (what a feeling), beings believing (beings believing)
I can have it all now I'm dancing for my life
Take your passion (what a feeling) and make it happen (beings believing)
Pictures come alive you could dance right through your life
I feel the passion, deep inside
I got strength, I got pride
In a world made of steel
Made of stone
Dancing, till the end of this night
Like now or never, got strength and pride
When I feel the music I'm losing control
Of my mind, my body, my heart and my soul
Let's go, make this dream come true
For me and for you, we can dance right through
You can have it all, there's no price to pay
Your feelings will show you the way
What a feeling (what a feeling), beings believing (beings believing)
I can have it all now I'm dancing for my life
Take your passion (what a feeling) and make it happen (beings believing)
Pictures come alive you could dance right through your life
What a feeling (what a feeling), beings believing (beings believing)
What a feeling (what a feeling), beings believing (beings believing)
What a feeling 
I can have it all now I'm dancing for my life
What a feeling

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Irene Cara / Giorgio Moroder / Keith Forsey
Flashdance...What A Feeling lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc 

Wednesday, May 26, 2021

I see myself in a brand new way

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
May 26, 2021

No one can change a damn thing that has already happened. The only thing in our power is to change what we do about it afterwards. There are many things that can eat away at us, but not being able to predict the future should not be one of them.

I was reading about Bernie and Phyl's daughter Pepe blaming herself for Bernie dying of COVID-19 last year. She stayed with her parents to look after them when things started shutting down. Pepe is going through what a lot of people are, blaming themselves for something they had very little control over.

None of us are super humans. Whatever you think you could have done, or how many scenarios you come up with in your own mind, none of them are humanly possible.

Pepe, like most of the world, was just learning about what the pandemic could do and how it would do it. Nothing can take away the guilt she feels until she forgives herself for doing the best she could, with what she knew, at the time she knew it. Researchers and people were just trying to figure out this new pandemic, so most people knew very little about it.

If you have PTSD, a lot of the time you are also dealing with survivor guilt. That is a heavy load to carry. Much too heavy for anyone and it is time you put it down. That burden is one that should have never been laid upon your shoulders. Besides, you have things to do with the rest of your life to be the best person you can be after surviving.

Stop trying to figure out why you lived but others didn't. That is a question that you'll never be able to answer and was not something that you had control over. You do control what you do with your life.

Heal and be better. Be happier and then pass it all onto someone else who feels just as beaten down as you do. Lift them up. Spend the rest of your life making this world a little better than it would have been without you.

Pepe is doing that. She is speaking out so that other families who lost someone to COVID-19, can find support and gain strength knowing they are not alone. With almost 600,000 lives lost, that is a lot of families who need to know that message!

Today the featured video is Boston Don't Look Back. It is time to see yourself in a brand new way!


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
‘A living nightmare’: Daughter of Bernie and Phyllis Rubin struggling with guilt after unwittingly exposing parents to coronavirus
WHDH 7 News
BY KIMBERLY BOOKMAN
MAY 25, 2021
It was March of last year and the entire family was in south Florida for Phyls 80th birthday party. Pepe said she decided to stay and care for her parents as the country started to shut down. She said she believes she contracted the virus at a grocery store and then spread it to her parents.

Her 82-year old father — who in life was surrounded by people — died in a hospital bed by himself.

“Knowing what a tragic ending he had alone – and us not being there – it was just a living nightmare,” said Pepe.

She met 7NEWS at the company’s headquarters in Norton — where sports memorabilia line the walls.

Bernie’s office is just how he left it, filled with photos of his wife, three kids, 10 grandchildren, and one great-grandchild.

Pepe said his death had her walking around in a fog for the last year.

“One of my daughters said to me ‘We know we lost our grandfather but we didn’t realize we lost you too because I deal with a lot of anxiety…and guilt,” she said.  
Now that the country is reopening and life is resuming for so many, Pepe said she is forever changed. read more here

Don't Look Back
Boston

Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'
It's been too long since I felt this way
I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken
The road is callin', today is the day
I can see, it took so long just to realize
I'm much too strong not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I'll turn it around
Oh, yes, I will
I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
It's a bright horizon, ooh, and I'm awaken
I see myself in a brand new way
The sun is shinin', ooh, the clouds are breakin'
'Cause I can't lose now, there's no game to play
I can tell there's no more time left to criticize
I've seen what I could not recognize
Everything in my life was leading me on
But I can be strong
Oh, yes I can
I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
Ooh, far away, I'm left behind, left behind
Oh, the sun is shining
And I'm on that road
Don't look back, ooh, a new day is breakin'
It's been so long since I felt this way
I don't mind, ooh, where I get taken
The road is callin', today is the day
I can see, it took so long just to realize
I'm much too strong not to compromise
Now I see what I am is holding me down
I'll turn it around
Oh, yes I will
I finally see the dawn arrivin'
I see beyond the road I'm drivin'
I'm far away and left behind
Don't look back
Don't look back
Don't look back
Don't look back

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Scholz Tom
Don’t Look Back lyrics © Pure Songs, Hideaway Hits

"Can you imagine how I feel today?"

PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos June 15, 2021 "Can you imagine how I feel today?" is a question no one would have to ask if they talk...

PTSD Patrol

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It is your life, get in and drive it