Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Tuesday, January 26, 2021

Who are you to you?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 26, 2021

When you think about yourself, what do tell yourself? What are you to you? What do you think of yourself? What do you think your faults are and what are your qualities? If you don't know yourself, then how could anyone else really know you?

I am a wife, mother, dog-Mom, advocate, writer, fighter, and I don't give up. I am a Christian who takes the words of Jesus seriously and know it is not my job to judge anyone but myself. My flaws begin with a hot temper I constantly have to keep in check for several reasons but the biggest one is I am a Chaplain. Another flaw is I don't quit so that leads to problems when I need figure out if something is worth fighting for or not, because I'd be fighting too many battles and winning none them. That lesson I had to learn the hard way. I do judge the actions of others and have to pray hard to be able to forgive them....but usually I do. The list goes on but would take too long to list.

Today, there are two different videos with the title I Am. One is Popeye. "I am what I am" and he was fine with it. Sure he had flaws but all of us do. (There is also a bonus on this one since I loved Robin Williams.)

BONUS

What do you think about yourself? Make a list with what your flaws are first. Then make a list on your qualities next to it. After that, add in what goals you have for yourself and what are the possibilities for your future. 

Work on what you can change and then acknowledge what you cannot change so that you can keep it in check...like I do with my temper.

The second video on I AM is about a solid relationship with someone who does understand everything we are, as much as He knew who we were, and what we can be.

When I was trying to heal from multiple traumas in my own life, faith was my fuel and I knew I was not alone. It made it easier to talk to other people.



I Am
David Crowder

There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
Take me in with your arms spread wide
Take me in like an orphan child
Never let go, never leave my side
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
Love like this, oh my God to find!
I am overwhelmed what a joy divine!
Love like this sets our hearts on fire!
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
This is my resurrection song
This is my Hallelujah come
This is why to You I run
This is my resurrection song
This is my Hallelujah come
This is why to You I run
There's no space that His love can't reach
There's no place that we can't find peace
There's no end to Amazing Grace
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am
Holding on to You
I am
Holding on to You
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!
I am
In the middle of the storm
I am holding on
I am!

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Ed Cash / David Crowder
I Am lyrics © Capitol Christian Music Group 

Reminder if you think God did it to you, He didn't.
I am not sure why this ended up being restricted but it is a message that should not be... This is the message!
There is suddenly a lot of talk about "moral injury" and combat PTSD. It is survivor's guilt adding to what is known as PTSD but unlike other causes of PTSD, this one is harder to heal from. The good news is, you were not judged by God but He has put what you need to heal already in your soul. It is my job to connect you to it again. Contact PTSD Patrol to #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Monday, January 25, 2021

Learn to not give up on you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 25, 2021

How many times have people judged you wrongly? How many walked away from you instead of standing by your side? How many people just gave up on you? It happens all the time. I know it has happened most of the time in my life. The thing is, I wasn't going to let them make me give up on myself.

The best revenge against people like that is to recover, heal and thrive. The only way that happens is if you don't give up on yourself.
There are not many people watching these videos and that is OK. I am used to not getting much support. Instead of helping me, most of the people I knew either walked away from me or used me, but none of them stopped me from being "me" all the time.

I had to convince myself that I was worth my time and energy, even if I wasn't worth theirs. That is why today the featured video is Amy Grant, Not Giving Up On You.

If you don't have anyone in your life saying they are not giving up on you, then look in the mirror and say it to yourself. If people do not see you are worth it, then see it in yourself. Don't let them stop you from being your best.

The thing is, the best revenge against all those who made you feel like you should just crawl into a hole, is to be happy with yourself. That is something they will never really know.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


If you think you're gonna fail
Well, you're probably gonna fail
So tell me, what was all the dreaming for?
And if you think you're gonna lose
Well, you're probably gonna lose
So what's the point in trying anymore?
What you're looking for, you'll find
It happens every time
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough
But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
Not giving up on you
When your fragile heart is breaking
And your confidence is shaken
I can tell you that we've all been there before
The first step is hard to take
But it's a choice you gotta make
When life is waiting through that open door
I wish that you could see
The way you look to me
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough
But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
Not giving up on you
Oh, not so long ago,
You pulled me through
So I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
Even if the rain comes down
And your sky is falling
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
You can say you've had enough
But I won't stop calling,
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
You know we can work this out
If we just keep talking
I'm not giving up,
Not giving up on you
Not giving up on you
Cause is you think you have a chance
Then you really have a chance
I hope you know that I believe in you

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Luke Robert Laird / Amy Lee Grant / Marshall Noah Altman / Molly Elizabeth Reed
Not Giving Up lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., Universal Music - Careers, Made For This Music, Razor And Tie Music Publishing, Songs Of The Galt Line 

Sunday, January 24, 2021

Nobody gonna steal my head

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 24, 2021

My husband's vehicle is a Harley. It doesn't matter how fast it can go, because I don't know how to drive it. My vehicle is a KIA Sportage. I know how to drive it. It wouldn't matter if it was out of gas. It wouldn't matter if the battery was dead. The thing is, we know how to move our vehicles forward so we are not stuck in the garage.

People understand the vehicles they drive a lot better than they understand the vehicles they live in...their own bodies that what makes them who they are. Their minds and souls are in that vehicle. As soon as we understand that the power to operated our own vehicles and how they work, the sooner we heal.

You didn't control what caused PTSD in you. You do control your own life as a survivor of it.

When you survive it is never too late to learn how to drive your life forward and get out of the garage. It doesn't matter what you can do with your life if you don't know you can do it! If you know that but never learn how to do it, then that will do you no good either.

Learn how do drive your life forward just as you learned how to drive the vehicle you drive.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD
Today's featured video is Deep Purple, Highway Star
Nobody gonna take my head
I got speed inside my brain
Nobody gonna steal my head
Now that I'm on the road again
Oooh I'm in heaven again 
I've got everything
Like a moving ground an open road
And everything
I love it and I need it
I seed it
Eight cylinders all mine
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star

Nobody gonna take my car
I'm gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car
It's gonna break the speed of sound
Oooh it's a killing machine
It's got everything
Like a driving power big fat tires
And everything
I love it and I need it
I bleed it 
Yeah it's a wild hurricane
Alright hold tight
I'm a highway star
Nobody gonna take my girl
I'm gonna keep her to the end
Nobody gonna have my girl
She stays close on every bend
Oooh she's a killing machine
She's got everything
Like a moving mouth body control
And everything
I love her I need her
I seed her
Yeah she turns me on
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star
Nobody gonna take my head
I got speed inside my brain
Nobody gonna steal my head
Now that I'm on the road again
Oooh I'm in heaven again 
I've got everything
Like a moving ground an open road
And everything
I love it and I need it
I seed it
Eight cylinders all mine
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star
Nobody gonna take my car
I'm gonna race it to the ground
Nobody gonna beat my car
It's gonna break the speed of sound
Oooh it's a killing machine
It's got everything
Like a driving power big fat tires
And everything
I love it and I need it
I bleed it
Yeah it's a mad hurricane
Alright hold on tight
I'm a highway star
I'm a highway star
I'm a highway star

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Roger Glover / Jon Lord / Ian Gillan / Ritchie Blackmore / Ian Paice
Highway Star / Not Fade Away lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Healing PTSD is a human need. My other site Wounded Times is one I don't post much on since I started working with everyone trying to heal PTSD. It still reaches people around the world.

4.78 million page views says a lot about the need humans have to find information and hope.

Saturday, January 23, 2021

Faith enough to fight

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 23, 2021

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
John 13:34-35
If someone hates someone else, that is not how Jesus said they should be. It is OK to hate what people do, but we're suppose to forgive them, just as we want to be forgiven. This is very important when you are trying to heal, especially if PTSD was caused by what some did to us.

I know it is hard, but it was harder to carry that inside of me, consuming room inside my soul where love could have been...should have been. There was a time when anger was taking control of my life and I didn't like myself.

I am basically a happy person. I have a hot temper, but I normally blow up, then let it go. Most of the time I want to hug afterwards. Still, there was a time when I couldn't do that. I knew I needed help. 

My primary care doctor recommended a few therapists who specialized in trauma. I made a couple of calls, but they couldn't even answer basic questions. Keep in mind that I had been researching PTSD, living with it and knew enough to know they did not know enough. Then I made a call to a woman who did know more than basics...she was an expert.

Little by little, the anger was losing power and hope was restoring happiness.  She is the reason I wrote my first book, For The Love Of Jack, His War/MyBattle. It tells the story of our life covering 18 years because it was first published in 2002. I republished in and put in a few updates, but didn't feel the need to update more. I said all I needed to say in it.

We wouldn't still be together if we did not have a deep love. We wouldn't still be together if we did not know how to forgive. I wouldn't have had what I needed to get through any of these years had it not been for God in my heart first.

Don't get me wrong, none of it was easy, but faith made it easier. I did not fight any battle alone and you don't have to either!

Get Together
Youngbloods 

Love is but a song we sing
Fear's the way we die
You can make the mountains ring
Or make the angels cry
Though the bird is on the wing
And you may not know why
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
Some may come and some may go
He will surely pass
When the one that left us here
Returns for us at last
We are but a moment's sunlight
Fading in the grass
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
If you hear the song I sing
You will understand, listen
You hold the key to love and fear
All in your trembling hand
Just one key unlocks them both
It's there at your command
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
Come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
I said come on, people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now
Right now
Right now

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Jesse Colin Young
Get Together lyrics © Bernard's Other Music, Tenyor Music, Pigfoot Music, Irving Music Inc. 

Friday, January 22, 2021

Don't let PTSD take first place in your life

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 22, 2021

"Do you know where you're going to? Do you like the things that life is showing you?" If you don't then you are looking at life as it is, instead of how it could be. If you like what you see, then you are part way there to achieving better than this.

If you don't like it, then change it. See yourself as a survivor, because that is exactly what you are. You defeated whatever hit you that started PTSD. You are the one who decides what your life will be afterwards.

Don't let PTSD take first place in your life anymore. You beat "it" so don't come in second place now. There is so much more out there for you if you try to find it. Sitting there won't get you to it. 


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive.
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife From PTSD
Do You Know
Jennifer Lopez

Do you know where you're goin' to?
Do you like the things that life's been showin' you?
Where are you goin' to
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hopin' for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hopin' for
Do you know?
Once we were standing still in time
Chasin' the fantasies that filled our minds
You knew how I loved you but my spirit was free
Laughin' at the questions that you once asked of me
Do you know where you're goin' to?
Do you like the things that life's been showin' you?
Where are you goin' to
Do you know?
Now looking back at all we planned
We let so many dreams just slip through our hands
Why must we wait so long before we see
How sad the answers to those questions can be?
Do you know where you're goin' to?
Do you like the things that life's been showin' you?
Where are you goin' to
Do you know?
Do you get what you're hopin' for?
When you look behind you there's no open door
What are you hopin' for
Do you know?
Do you know?

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Masser Michael / Goffin Gerald

Thursday, January 21, 2021

This is how we heal....with hope of better days!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 21, 2021

I am sure you've heard the term "positive thinking" but I think that should be changed to the power of empowerment thinking. You are the only one with the power to change your life. Do you listen to the people who feed you negativity or do you listen to the people who offer you hope of a better life and better days ahead for you?

That has been the message of PTSD Patrol. Last night that message shined in the Celebration of the Inauguration special. It was filled with inspiring, average people who decided to do whatever they could to make a difference with whatever power they had.

Most of them were young kids. I am sure they had people tell them that it was such a huge problem, they couldn't make a difference, as much as I am sure they have supportive parents helping them. It didn't matter to them how successful they would be, because they knew even changing one life, was worth doing. That is how miracles happen.
 
There were a lot of fabulous singers in this program, and you can watch the whole thing at the bottom of this post. The song that stood out the most for me last night was Better Days. So much power in those few words of assurance that things don't have to suck forever.

Knowing that things can get better is empowering. Seeing others doing it changes lives too because others realize the only limits they have are the ones they put on themselves.

Do you want to listen to people who tell you to just give up because nothing is going to change? Or do you listen to people who inspire you to change what you can?  If you are like me, that will make you want to do it even more...just to prove them wrong!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Better Days
Ant Clemons and Justin Timberlake

There's a light at the end of the tunnel
Keep your eyes on the road ahead
But if you're feeling lost in the night
It's okay to cry
Just as long as you hold your head
'Cause we're on our way to better
Better's ahead, better's ahead
It get's worse 'fore it gets better
But better's ahead, better's ahead
Better days are comin' (better and better and better, ooh-ooh)
Better days are comin' (ooh-ooh, better days)
Better days, better days (better and better and better, oh-ooh)
Better days are comin' (better days, better days)
I know you've been kicked down
Slept on, let down, faith gone
Waited for too long for somethin' to lean on (lean on)
You feel weak, just be strong (ooh)
Deep breath, stay calm
If you just press on, press on, press on
You gon' see there's a light at the end of the tunnel (at the end of the tunnel)
Keep your eyes on the road ahead (on the road ahead)
And if you're feelin' lost in the night (lost in the night)
It's okay to cry (it's okay to cry)
Just as long as you hold your head
'Cause we're on our way to better (ah)
Better's ahead (better), better's ahead (ah)
It get's worse 'fore it gets better (ah-ah-ah)
But better's ahead, better's ahead
Better days are comin' (better and better and better, ooh-ooh, I know, I know)
Better days are comin' (ooh-ooh)
(Better days, better days, better and better and better, ooh-ooh)
And better days are comin' (ooh-ooh)
(Better days, better days)
I know you feel left out and stepped on
Keep goin', keep goin'
Shine bright, don't dim yours for no one
Keep goin' higher, and higher and higher and higher
Better days, better days are comin' (better days)
Better days, better days (on their way) are comin' ('cause I know)
Better days, better days (better days) are comin' (yeah)
Better days (comin'), better days (I know)
Better days are comin'

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Anthony Clemons Jr. / Jacob Kasher Hindlin / Justin Timberlake / Kenny Dixon
Better Days lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group

(not in the program last night but another empowerment message of hope of better days)
Better Days
One Republic

Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Wakin' up in California
But these clouds they won't go away
Everyday is like another storm, yeah
I'm just tryin' not to go insane
Yeah, and the city shinin' so bright
So many dark nights, so many dark days
But any time I feel the paranoia
I close my eyes and I pray
Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Been wakin' up to a new year
Got the past million miles away
I'm waking up with a new fear (new fear)
But I know it'll wash away
Whatever you do, don't worry 'bout me
I'm thinkin' 'bout you, don't worry 'bout us
'Cause in the morning everything can change, yeah
And time will tell you it does
Oh, I know that there'll be better days
Oh, that sunshine 'bout to come my way
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
Better days
Better days
Better days
Better days
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days
May we never ever shed another tear for today
'Cause oh, I know that there'll be better days

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Brent Michael Kutzle / John Nathaniel / Ryan B Tedder
Better Days lyrics © Downtown Music Publishing 

If you didn't see IN FULL: 'Celebrating America' - Tom Hanks hosts concert for Joe Biden's inauguration, here it is. It restored my faith in the American people seeing so many others across the country doing whatever they can to help others make it through these hard times. This is how we heal....with hope of better days!

Wednesday, January 20, 2021

stop lying and start healing

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January, 20, 2021

Dealing with PTSD is a lot like current events. "We study the past to understand the present; we understand the present to guide the future." William Lund.

Today we saw the end of something horrible and beginning of something hopeful. The horrible is reminder of what happened a few weeks ago at the same Capitol where the new President replaced the old one on those same steps, in that same building.





Many people realized they had been lied to and that is what caused them to attack the People's House. Families are wondering what happened to people they love that changed them. They are turning them into the FBI, and so are co-workers, neighbors, and others who were there.

First step in healing is to understand why people believe lies. The first reason is they believe the liar and it was something they wanted to hear. If you regret it, then admit it, apologize to those you hurt, and it is up to them to forgive you or not. You won't know what is possible until you attempt to restore the relationship. If they hurt you, then forgive them.


Smiling Faces
The Temptations 

Smiling faces sometimes pretend to be your friend.
Smiling faces show no traces of the evil that lurks within.
Smiling faces, Smiling Faces, Sometimes they don't tell the truth.
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.
The truth is in the eye 'cause the eyes don't lie, amen.
Remember, a smile is just a frown turned upside down my friend.
So, hear me when I'm saying
Smiling faces, Smiling Faces, Sometimes they don't tell the truth.
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.
Beware. Beware of the handshake that hides the snake, 
I'm tellin' you beware of the pat on the back it just might hold you back.
Jealousy, (Jealousy) misery, (misery) envy.
I tell you you can't see behind
Smiling faces, Smiling Faces, Sometimes they don't tell the truth.
Smiling faces, smiling faces tell lies and I got proof.
Your enemy won't do you no harm, 'cause you'll know where he's comin' from;
don't let the handshake and the smile fool ya.
Take my advice I'm only tryin' to school ya.
Smiling faces, Smiling Faces, Sometimes they don't tell the truth.

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barrett Strong / Norman Whitfield
Smiling Faces Sometimes lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 



If you are trying to heal PTSD, some people may have lied to you too. Surviving started out as something good, but it went downhill because of lies. Someone may have said something that wasn't true and you believed them. Maybe you told the lies to yourself? Lies, like you are stuck, life isn't going to get any better, there is no hope or you cannot heal. It is time to tell the truth to those who lied to you, and tell yourself the truth too.

The truth is, you can heal step by step, if you keep trying and are willing to do the work. That is why the other featured video today is the theme from Rocky III. He didn't give up. Think about him running up all those steps and reached the top with is victory dance in the first one. That is what healing can feel like for you!

And then imagine what your life can be like by the time you understand you are a survivor!




Eye Of The Tiger
Survivor 
Rising up, back on the street
Did my time, took my chances
Went the distance, now I'm back on my feet
Just a man and his will to survive
So many times it happens too fast
You change your passion for glory
Don't lose your grip on the dreams of the past
You must fight just to keep them alive
It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
Face to face, out in the heat
Hanging tough, staying hungry
They stack the odds 'til we take to the street
For the kill with the skill to survive
It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
Rising up straight to the top
Had the guts, got the glory
Went the distance, now I'm not going to stop
Just a man and his will to survive
It's the eye of the tiger
It's the thrill of the fight
Rising up to the challenge of our rival
And the last known survivor
Stalks his prey in the night
And he's watching us all with the eye of the tiger
The eye of the tiger

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Peterik James M / Sullivan Frank Michael
Eye of the Tiger lyrics © Wb Music Corp., Sony/atv Melody, Easy Action Music 

Tuesday, January 19, 2021

There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 19, 2020

There is a huge difference between being alone and being lonely. A lot of people are fine being alone. I don't know anyone who is OK with being lonely. That is why the featured video today is White Snake Here I Go Again.

When I lived in Florida, I was involved with a lot of groups. I did a lot for them, doing videos to give them publicity, supporting their events and talking with individual members to help them with their personal problems. The truth is, I never felt like I belonged. I was lonely in huge groups and it sucked.

The thing is, it made me feel like the only way to fit in was to sacrifice what I thought, what I believed and who I was. That is something I have never been willing to do...and never will.

I am involved in a lot of groups on Facebook and it turns out, a lot of people felt the same way. They felt as if they didn't belong anywhere, until they found groups of like minded people, where they could share their thoughts and be supported by others. Most of the time, the new comers to the groups, including me, felt grateful they found a place for them.

If you are struggling with PTSD, then you need to do the same. Find groups where you do feel welcome, just as you are. A place where the people there do what you to change, but only changing from fighting on your own to letting them help you fight to be happier. They are out there.

Groups where they will support you, help you, guide you and then one day, you can do the same for them. Places where the only goal is to help healing take over your life, as you want to live it.

I know what it is like to be alone and it is OK but no one should ever feel lonely when there are so many others out there. After all, that is the reason why I started working on PTSD almost 40 years ago...knowing you are not alone is the greatest gift you can give to yourself!


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I don't know where I'm goin'
But I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again, here I go again
Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again, here I go again,
Here I go again, here I go
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Coverdale / Bernie Marsden
Here I Go Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc 

Sunday, January 17, 2021

finding yourself in a field of broken glass

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 17, 2021

When you have PTSD it is like finding yourself in a field of broken glass. It hurts, but you think if you don't move, you won't inflict more pain than you already have. That is true as long as nothing else happens in your life, you never talk to anyone, see anyone else, close your ears and shut your eyes. But sooner or later, you will not be able to stand up. You'll fall down and the pain hits your whole body.

You know how far you are into the field and think you can figure out how far it is to get out of it, but you're not sure. If you go back, you inflict more pain, reach the beginning of the field and then have to go through all of it all over again. 

If you got right or left, Lord only knows where that choice will lead you to.

If you go forward, you know there will be more pain. It will not be easy to get through that field but the further you go, there is less broken glass under your feet.

You will come a place you can heal your cuts in a safer place and open your life to all kinds of possibilities.

And that is what it is like to make the choice to start the journey to heal PTSD!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
You were the sweetest thing that I ever knew
But I don't care for sugar honey if I can't have you
Since you've abandoned me
My whole life has crashed
Won't you pick the pieces up
'Cause it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
The sun's still shining in the big blue sky
But it don't mean nothing to me
O-o-oh let the rain come down
Let the wind blow through me
I'm living in an empty room
With all the windows smashed
And I've got so little left to lose
That it feels just like I'm walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass
And if you're trying to cut me down
You know that I might bleed
'Cause if you're trying to cut me down
I know that you'll succeed
And if you want to hurt me
There's nothing left to fear
'Cause if you want to hurt me
You do it really well my dear
Now everyone of us was made to suffer
Everyone of us is made to weep
We've been hurting one another
Now the pain has cut too deep
So take me from the wreckage
Save me from the blast
Lift me up and take me back
Don't let me keep on walking (don't let me keep on walking)
I kept on walking on
Keep on walking on broken glass
Walking on, walking on broken glass

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Annie Lennox
Walking on Broken Glass lyrics © La Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., Universal Music Mgb Songs Obo La Lennoxa Ltd., Lennoxa Music Co. Ltd., La Web results 


And then you'll be walking on sunshine!


I used to think maybe you loved me
Now, baby, I'm sure
And I just can't wait 'til the day
When you knock on my door
Now every time I go for the mailbox
Gotta hold myself down
'Cause I just can't wait 'til you write me
You're coming around
Now I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
I used to think maybe you loved me
Now I know that it's true
And I don't wanna spend my whole life
Just a waiting for you
Now I don't want you back for the weekend
Not back for a day, no, no, no
I said, baby, I just want you back
And I want you to stay
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
Yeah, oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Walking on sunshine
Walking on sunshine
I feel alive, I feel a love
I feel a love that's really real
I feel alive, I feel a love
I feel a love that's really real
I'm on sunshine, baby
I'm on sunshine, baby
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
I'm walking on sunshine
And it's starting to feel good, hey
All right now
And it's starting to feel good
I say it, I say it, I say it again, now
And it's starting to feel good
Oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
I say it, I say it, I say it again, now
And it's starting to feel good
And it's starting to feel good
Now tell me, tell me tell me again now
And it's starting to feel good
Oh, yeah
And it's starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
Starting to feel good
Now it's starting to feel good

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Kimberley Rew
Walking on Sunshine lyrics © Cooper Rew, Kyboside Ltd., Emi Music Publishing France, Wixen Music Publishing Obo Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Music Ltd, Kyboside Ltd 

Just the music on this one so that you can make your own video in your mind by thinking of what would make you feel like you're walking on sunshine too!

Saturday, January 16, 2021

the person you need to love first

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 16, 2021

Yesterday we were talking about how if you want to have somebody to love, you need to start with yourself. Too many relationships fall apart. Even without PTSD, successful relationships require a lot of work. They also require you to know what love really is first. The only way to know that, is to start with yourself.

Over the years, I've talked to a lot of people who are lonely and they want someone in their life again. The problem was, they just kept looking before they ever started working on what the problem was....THEM! Veterans would complain they were on their 4th, 5th or 6th marriage but none of their wives ever understood them. Wow, if you're thinking head smack moment, it was.

How could they expect anyone to understand them if they didn't understand themselves? The truth is, none of them did what they needed to do to actually be ready for a relationship with anyone if they didn't have one with themselves.

If you do not work on healing, then you are dooming the next relationship. You won't have what they need you to give them. The rush of a new beginning will feel wonderful until you are no longer able to hide what you brought as baggage moving into their life.


"All healing is first a healing of the heart." - Carl Townsend

find more quotes here 

Why keep looking for love when the person you need to love first...is you?



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I spent a lifetime lookin' for you
Single bars and good time lovers were never true
Playing a fools game, hopin' to win
Tellin' those sweet lies and losin' again
I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Hoping to find a friend and lover
I'll bless the day I discover
Another heart lookin' for love
I was alone then, no love in sight
I did everything I could to get me through the night
I don't know where it started or where it might end
I turned to a stranger just like a friend
I was lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Hoping to find a friend and lover
I'll bless the day I discover
Another heart lookin' for love
You came knockin' on my heart's door
You're everything I've been looking for
No more lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Now that I found a friend and lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love
Lookin' for love in all the wrong places
Lookin' for love in too many faces
Searchin' their eyes
Lookin' for traces of what I'm dreaming of
Now that I found a friend and lover
God bless the day I discover
You, oh you, lookin' for love

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Bob Morrison / Patti Ryan / Wanda Mallette
Lookin' For Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Bluewater Music Corp. 


Gloria
You're always on the run now
Runnin' after somebody
You've gotta get him somehow
I think you've got to slow down
Before you start to blow it
I think you're headin' for a breakdown
So be careful not to show it
You really don't remember
Was it somethin' that he said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave 'em hangin' on the line, ohh
Calling Gloria
Gloria
(Gloria)
I think they got your number
(Gloria)
I think they got the alias
(Gloria)
That you've been livin' under
(Gloria)
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
How's it gonna go down?
Will you meet him on the main line?
Or will you catch him on the rebound?
Will you marry for the money?
Take a lover in the afternoon?
Feel your innocence slippin' away
Don't believe it's comin' back soon
And you really don't remember
Was it somethin' that he said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Don't you think you're fallin'?
If everybody wants you
Why isn't anybody callin'?
You don't have to answer
Leave them hangin' on the line, ohh
Calling Gloria
Gloria
(Gloria)
I think they got your number
(Gloria)
I think they got the alias
(Gloria)
That you've been livin' under
(Gloria)
But you really don't remember
Was it something that they said?
All the voices in your head
Calling Gloria
Gloria
Gloria
Gloria

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Giancarlo Bigazzi Eng. Lyrics: Trevor Veitch / Orig. Lyrics Music: Umberto Tozzi
Gloria lyrics © Melodi Casa Ed. Srl., Melodi Casa Editrice Srl 

Friday, January 15, 2021

Finding somebody to love starts with the mirror

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 15, 2021

And now back to the original programming! Yesterday I needed to let some stuff out to get it out of the way of positive thinking. Humans do need to do that and I'd be really lousy at my job if I told everyone else to honor their feelings, if I didn't. No one can give what they do not know.

That is why today the featured video is Queen Somebody To Love! The words are so true.

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?

Take a look in the mirror if you want to find somebody to love and start there! You cannot give what you do not have for yourself.

Find what you love about yourself and hug it. Find what you don't like about yourself and either change it, or just deal with it after you acknowledge it. For me, I had to learn to love myself with all my qualities and yes, all my flaws.

I do have a lot to give, because I learned how to give it to myself first. One of the biggest flaws I have is my temper. I learned to control it because I cannot get rid of it. 

My husband and I have been married for what feels like forever. When he knows I am angry, he always asks, "Do you love me?" I always reply with "yes" because he knows no matter how angry I am, or hurt, I love him. The next question is, "Do you like me?" That always leads to a sarcastic answer, "So far."

Love doesn't mean you are always approving of the other person, or you like everything about them. No one perfect and neither are you.

When you have PTSD, it makes it harder to find what is lovable about you but it is all still there. Take a look in the mirror and start loving yourself. Understand where your pain comes from and then do what you can to get that pain out of the way of positive stuff coming in.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD



Somebody To Love
George Michael and Queen

Can anybody find me somebody to love?
Ooh, each morning I get up I die a little
Can barely stand on my feet
(Take a look at yourself) Take a look in the mirror and cry (and cry)
Lord, what you're doing to me (yeah yeah)
I have spent all my years in believing you
But I just can't get no relief, Lord!
Somebody (somebody) ooh somebody (somebody)
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
I work hard (he works hard) every day of my life
I work 'til I ache in my bones
At the end (at the end of the day)
I take home my hard earned pay all on my own
I get down (down) on my knees (knees)
And I start to pray
'Til the tears run down from my eyes
Lord, somebody (somebody), ooh somebody
(Please) can anybody find me somebody to love?
Everyday (everyday) I try and I try and I try
But everybody wants to put me down
They say I'm going crazy
They say I got a lot of water in my brain
Ah, got no common sense
I got nobody left to believe in
Yeah yeah yeah yeah
Oh, Lord
Ooh somebody, ooh somebody
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Can anybody find me someone to love)
Got no feel, I got no rhythm
I just keep losing my beat (you just keep losing and losing)
I'm OK, I'm alright (he's alright, he's alright)
I ain't gonna face no defeat (yeah yeah)
I just gotta get out of this prison cell
One day (someday) I'm gonna be free, Lord!
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love love love
Find me somebody to love
Find me somebody to love
Somebody somebody somebody somebody
Somebody find me
Somebody find me somebody to love
Can anybody find me somebody to love?
(Find me somebody to love)
Ooh
(Find me somebody to love)
Find me somebody, somebody (find me somebody to love) somebody, somebody to love
Find me, find me, find me, find me, find me
Ooh, somebody to love (Find me somebody to love)
Ooh (find me somebody to love)
Find me, find me, find me somebody to love (find me somebody to love)
Anybody, anywhere, anybody find me somebody to love love love!
Somebody find me, find me love

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Freddie Mercury
Somebody To Love lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Wednesday, January 13, 2021

tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
January 13, 2021

There is so much anger in this country right now that I started to think a lot about the Salem Witchcraft Trials. That was about people being afraid of what was happening, and they were afraid because they couldn't understand it. The next move, was to find people to blame. Maybe that made them feel as if they have some power over it. It was all based on false accusations with no proof of anything.

Finally, the wrong person was blamed, which caused questions to be asked and answered, because it had just gone too far. Justice was  provided for those who had not been tried and put to death, but it did not change what happened, or bring them back and all indications are, the townspeople were forever changed.

The same thing happens when you have PTSD and people cannot understand it. If you cannot explain it to them, they fear it. Then they put you on a mock trial where they want to blame you for the changes they see. Aside from the anger inside of you that comes with having PTSD, you have that added anger built onto all of that.

The first thing I suggest you do is, honor your anger. Not by harming someone else but by writing it down. Get it our of your system. Then take that piece of paper, and burn it. If you don't burn it, then stick it in a shredder, or cut it up into millions of pieces with scissors.

Then think about ways for you to explain it to them. If they do, wonderful. If they don't, then don't give up on the people you know do care about you, and understand their fears. Keep trying.

And then, tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!


It doesn't get to be in your life and it sure as hell doesn't deserve to control your life. When I was a first wife, to my ex-husband, the tried to kill me and then stalked me for a long time. He didn't own me! He didn't deserve a place in my life. My current husband and I have been together for 38 years and married for 36. That only happened because I took my power back over my own life.

That is why the feature video today is from The First Wives Club, You Don't Own Me. Treat it like you would a bad relationship....tell PTSD YOU DON'T OWN ME!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

You don't own me
I'm not just one of your many toys
You don't own me
Don't say I can't go with other boys
Bette Midler and Goldie Hawn:
Bababababababaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Hmmm
Hmmm
And don't tell me what to do
And don't tell me what to say
And when i go out with you
Don't put me on display
Pretty good
I'm impressed!
You don't own me
Don't try to change me in any way
You don't own me
Don't tie me down,
Cuz I'll never stay
I don't tell you what to say
I don't tell you what to do
So just let me be myself
That's all I ask of you
Im young
And I love to be young
Im free
And I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I please
I'm young
I'm young
And I love to be young
I'm free
I'm free
And I love to be free
To live my life the way that I want
To say and do whatever I please
No, no
You don't own me
No, no
You don't own me
No, no
You don't own me
Forever, young and free,
Darling you don't own me
You don't own me
You don't own me
Forever, young and free,
Darling you don't own me
You don't own me
You don't own me
Forever, young and free,
Darling you don't own me
You don't own me
You don't own me
Forever, young and free,
Darling you don't own me
You don't own me
You don't own me
Forever, young and free,
Darling you don't own me

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: John Madara / David White
You Don’t Own Me lyrics © Unichappell Music Inc.

Artists: Goldie Hawn, Diane Keaton, Bette Midler
Album: The First Wives Club: Music From the Motion Picture... And Then Some
Released: 1996 

Who are you to you?

PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos January 26, 2021 When you think about yourself, what do tell yourself? What are you to you? What do you think o...

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It is your life, get in and drive it