Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts
Showing posts with label recovery. Show all posts

Sunday, March 21, 2021

PTSD: the wounds that were carried back home to you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 21, 2021

Today I am going to let one of the first videos I did on PTSD replace the daily video from me. Wounded Minds was a labor of love back in 2006. It had over 10,000 views but after a couple of years, I moved the videos from YouTube. (Big mistake) Anyway, my confidence was taking beating lately because of  all the reports about people suffering instead of healing. Whenever I get this way, I usually go through old emails to remind me of why I do this work.

One of the old emails I came across was from the ex-wife of a Vietnam veteran. She never stopped loving him but they didn't know what PTSD was before they ended a long marriage. Her kids were suffering, she was suffering and so was the veteran. She said she wished she knew what was in this video before they decided to get divorced. 

I told her it was not too late to still have a relationship with him, or at least try to reconnect. She promised to learn more and then, try to talk to him so he would get help to heal. This is why I do this work. And this is why I will never stop doing it.

Today the featured videos are about relationships ending, but love still existing. The Carpenters, Hurting Each Other and Rose Royce Wishing On A Star.

If you still care about someone you had to walk away from, because you did not know what you needed to know, I hope this comforts you. Keep in mind that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and now you know more than you did back then. It is up to you what you do with that knowledge. If nothing else, I hope it helps you heal your heart by knowing it really didn't have anything to do with you, but the wounds that were carried back home to you.
In 2006 I created this video on Wounded Minds. Long before PTSD was in the news, families like mine were doing the best we could to make our veterans lives better. Sometimes we failed but after three decades, I'm still married. I still have no idea how other families do it when they know hardly nothing about PTSD. I knew almost everything and there were times when it was almost impossible to find hope. The key is to learn as much as you can, love as an active partner in their healing and find what works to make your lives better! This is from my old website, NamGuardianAngel. Go to Combat PTSD Wounded Times to learn more.

Hurting Each Other
The Carpenters 

No one in the world
Ever had a love as sweet as my love
For nowhere in the world
Could there be a boy as true as you, love
All my love I give gladly to you
All your love you give gladly to me
Tell me why then, oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Closer than the leaves
On a weeping willow, baby, we are
Closer dear are we
Than the simple letters A and B are
All my life I could love only you
All your life you could love only me
Tell me why, then?
Oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Udell Peter David / Geld Gary
Hurting Each Other lyrics © Bibo Music Publishing, Inc. 


I'm Wishing on a Star
Rose Royce 

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who really dream
And I'm wishing on tomorrow, praying it'll come
And I'm wishing on all the loving we've ever done
No, I never thought I'd see
A time when you would be
So far away from home
So far away from me
Just think of all the moments that we'd spend
I just can't let you go, for me you were meant
And I didn't mean to hurt you, but I know
That in the game of love you reap what you sow
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never, oh
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who've ever been
And I'm hoping on all the days to come and days to go
I'm hoping on days of loving you so
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a star, oh, oh
And I'm wishing on all the rainbows that I see
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream, baby
And I'm following all the rainbows that I see

Source: Musixmatch
Wishing on a Star lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., May Twelfth Music 

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from? If you have PTSD, leaving the people in your life is common. It is also common that you never gave them a chance to know what you were going through, and all too likely, left them without ever telling them the real reason that made you leave. If you did, then your biggest problem is not having PTSD. Your biggest problem is having it but not knowing what it is. If you did, then you'd know there is nothing to be ashamed of. You're a survivor of something that could have killed you and that is the only reason you got hit by PTSD.

If you didn't give the people you shared your life with a chance, then you pre-judged them. You didn't give them a chance to support you, comfort you, help you, or yes, decide they didn't want to stay with you. You just assumed it would end badly.

Today the featured videos are Carole King, So Far Away and The 5th Dimension One Less Bell To Answer. More than likely the people you walked away from have no idea why you did. You'll never know until you try to communicate with them and explain it to them. First learn what you need to know and then give them a chance. If you think the next relationship will be any different, it won't be because they will not really know you and you will prove you really don't trust them.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
So Far Away
Carole King

So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're just time away
Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could
But you're so far away
One more song about movin' along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it bein' close to you
But, you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely
Nothing else to do but close my mind
I sure hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams I've yet to find
But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
And it doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Hey, you're so far away

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: King Carole
So Far Away lyrics © Straitjacket Songs Ltd. 


One Less Bell To Answer
5th Dimension 

One less bell to answer...
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
(Cry cry no more laughter)
Oh, I should be happy
(Oh, why did he go?)
I only know that since he left
My life's so empty
Though I try to forget
It just can't be done
Each time the doorbell rings
I still run (I still run)
I don't know how in the world
To stop thinking of him
'Cause I still love him so
(Love him so)
I end each day the way I start out
Crying my heart out
Oh...
One less man to pick up after...
No more laughter...
No more love... (no more love)
Since he went
Oh, he went away
(He went away)
(One less bell to answer)
Why did he leave me?
(Oh why why did he leave?)
Now I've got one less egg to fry (one less bell to answer)
One less egg to fry
(Oh why why did he leave?) And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because my man told me goodbye
(Oh why why did he leave?)
(One less bell to answer) Somebody tell me please where did he go? why did he go?
(Oh, why?) Tell me how could he leave me
(Why did he leave?)

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: David Hal / Bacharach Burt F
One Less Bell To Answer lyrics © New Hidden Valley Music Co., New Hidden Valley Music Company, Casa David Music, Songs Of Fujimusic, New Hidden Valley Music Co, Bmg Rights Management (uk) Ltd (hal David) 

Wednesday, March 17, 2021

PTSD Make Everyday A Better Bonus Day

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 17, 2021

When you survive something, there is an expression, "Everyday is a bonus."
BONUS: something in addition to what is expected or strictly due
If you have PTSD, and are suffering, it can be hard to think of your following days that way. But you can make a #BetterBonusDay everyday from this point on.

You do change after you survive. I did every time an "it" happened. I changed after the first two it happened in one night, along with all the other times. You go through the grieving process. Something died inside you and something else replaced it. The person you were before, is not 100% of the person you become the day afterwards and all the days to follow that day.

"But now friends are acting strange, and they shake their heads, they say I've changed." Maybe you thought that way a time or two...or more, after you survived whatever caused PTSD to hit you. In my case, friends would be worried if I wasn't acting strange, because they'd know I changed, without a doubt.

I've seen PTSD from both sides now and I know that the better side of it is a lot happier than the side of darkness. This is why today the featured song in Joni Mitchell, Both Sides Now.


So what do you want to do with your bonus day? I wanted to change the world. I wanted to make a difference being alive. Maybe because I was so young when I was introduced to having my life on the line, I had a head start on healing. (Excuse the pun because it was head trauma at the age of 5.) All the other times, were added onto the scars that were already there. 

What do you want to do? Do you want to be better in your own life? Then it is time to heal the scars in your life so you can come closer to whatever you want your bonus days to be.

Get help to heal, in whatever way you need it to be. Therapy, support groups, educating yourself, talking to friends, or whatever will help you that isn't drugs or alcohol. 

That takes care of your mind healing, but you also have to heal your body. Every part of your was involved in whatever "it" was. Go for a walk, do Yoga, meditation, play music, write, create art, anything that will help your body to find calmness enough so it gets used to not being fed by adrenaline rushes.

Now for your spirit. If you are struggling wondering why you survived, listen to your soul and find out what you were put here on this earth to do with your life. Want to be a better person, then start there. As you get stronger, help others understand how much power they have to heal too. 

People will notice the change in you from that side of your life's better bonus day!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
Both Sides Now
Joni Mitchell

Rows and flows of angel hair
And ice cream castles in the air
And feather canyons every where
Looked at clouds that way
But now they only block the sun
They rain and snow on everyone
So many things I would have done
But clouds got in my way
I've looked at clouds from both sides now
From up and down and still somehow
It's cloud's illusions I recall
I really don't know clouds at all
Moons and Junes and ferries wheels
The dizzy dancing way that you feel
As every fairy tale comes real
I've looked at love that way
But now it's just another show
And you leave 'em laughing when you go
And if you care, don't let them know
Don't give yourself away
I've looked at love from both sides now
From give and take and still somehow
It's love's illusions that I recall
I really don't know love 
Really don't know love at all
Tears and fears and feeling proud
To say, "I love you" right out loud
Dreams and schemes and circus crowds
I've looked at life that way
Oh, but now old friends they're acting strange
And they shake their heads, they say I've changed
Well something's lost, but something's gained
In living every day
I've looked at life from both sides now
From win and lose and still somehow
It's life's illusions I recall
I really don't know life at all
It's life's illusions that I recall
I really don't know life
I really don't know life at all

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Joni Mitchell
Both Sides, Now lyrics © Crazy Crow Music / Siquomb Music Publishing 
Then you can tell someone, you'll stand by them to get there too!

I'll Stand by You ( LIVE )
Chrissie Hynde 

Oh, why you look so sad?
Tears are in your eyes
Come on and come to me now
Don't be ashamed to cry
Let me see you through
'Cause I've seen the dark side too
When the night falls on you
You don't know what to do
Nothing you confess
Could make me love you less
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
So if you're mad, get mad
Don't hold it all inside
Come on and talk to me now
Hey, what you got to hide?
I get angry too
Well I'm a lot like you
When you're standing at the crossroads
And don't know which path to choose
Let me come along
'Cause even if you're wrong
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
And when
When the night falls on you, baby
You're feeling all alone
You won't be on your own
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
I'll stand by you
Won't let nobody hurt you
I'll stand by you
Take me in, into your darkest hour
And I'll never desert you
I'll stand by you

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Thomas Kelly / Christine Hynde / Billy Steinberg
I'll Stand by You lyrics © BMG Rights Management 

Tuesday, March 16, 2021

better days with better ways

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 16, 2021

Are you fighting people who are trying to help you? Are you fighting God? Are you fighting yourself? You know you are not the way you want to be, not the way you used to be and nothing looks the way it did before. What are you doing about it? Are you trying to find someone to blame for the way your life is? Then maybe you should start with yourself because for whatever reason, you ended up believing you are a lost cause.

Time to start believing you are a worthy of better days.

Most of the time, survivors left the church because they did not find what they needed there. At least that is what some say but the truth is, what you needed was the foundation the faith was built on. That foundation is Jesus. Personally I don't attend church anymore and became a Chaplain so that I could care for the needs of fellow churchless souls, much like Jesus and His disciples did. They went to where the people were and tended to their needs, giving them reason to hope for better days, learning a better way to live and know they were loved.

Look at His life! He was raised poor, spent His ministry homeless and had no possessions. He was treated like a rock star one minute and hated the next by the same people who ended up shouting for Him to be Crucified. He knew what it was like to feel abandoned, betrayed, tested, and He knew what it was like to feel the emotional pain of someone else so deeply, He cried for them. He got angry.

There is no way of knowing why you survived and others did not. The only thing you can be sure of, is you did and it is up to you to define what you will do for the rest of your life. If you are blaming God that is because you think He judged you and wanted you to suffer...but those are your thoughts and not His.

PTSD strikes the emotional part of your brain and that is where your soul lives. If your soul has a strong emotional core, then you feel things more deeply. That means you love more deeply and feel pain stronger than others. What you may not be aware of is how powerful that soul of yours is. Everything you need to heal is already there. The purpose of getting help is to help you find it within yourself. One more thing you may not be aware of is that Jesus, the Son of God, had no problem asking for help when He needed it. He couldn't have done what He was sent here to do, alone.


This is why today the featured video is Goo Goo Dolls, Better Days. You may think it is about Christmas but if you remember what church services were like, it was all about that one day when He came into this world, and the day He left all His love behind for all of our days!


Better Days
Goo Goo Dolls

And you asked me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
'Cause I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And designer love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I need some place simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And that's faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child who saved this world
And there's ten million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them
So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
So take these words and sing out loud
'Cause everyone is forgiven now
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again
'Cause tonight's the night the world begins again

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John Rzeznik
Better Days lyrics © Songtrust Ave, BMG Rights Management



Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


And if you are among those who suffered because you were willing to risk your life for the sake of others, understand that PTSD Is Not God's Judgment.

Monday, March 15, 2021

Sunday will never be the same

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 15, 2021

Has your memory played tricks on you? Did you ever remember something that wasn't true, or at least not entirely true?

This morning an example of that happened to me. Usually I pick out the music for the featured video during the day depending on what the message is, if I already thought of it. Sometimes I'll hear a song on the radio and it changes my mood, or takes me back to a different time in my life. Other times, like this morning, a song will pop into my head. An old song I hadn't heard in a long time popped in and I was happy thinking about it. The beat was uplifting and I thought great day to feature it. That was until I looked up the lyrics to Spanky and Our Gang Sunday Will Never Be The Same. It wasn't a happy song.

Sunday Will Never Be the Same
Spanky and Our Gang

I remember Sunday morning
I would meet him at the park
We'd walk together hand in hand
Till it was almost dark
Now I wake up Sunday morning
Walk along the lane to find
Nobody waiting for me
Sunday's just another day
Sunday will never be the same
(Sunday will never be the same)
I lost my baby's heart
I must be back again
Sunny afternoons that made me feel so warm inside
Have turned as cold and gray as ashes
As I feel the embers die
No longer can I walk these paths for they have changed
I must be home the sun is gone and I think it's gonna rain
I remember children
Feeding flocks of pigeons
I remember sunshine and you were mine
Sunday will never be the same
Sunday will never be the same
Sunday will never be the same

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Terry Cashman / Gene Pistilli
Sunday Will Never Be the Same lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group 

That came out in 1967. I was really young. I've heard it a lot over the years, but it has been a long time. My mind focused on the music, which is really upbeat, but since the lyrics were forgotten, I didn't remember the sadness. So why is it so hard to remember things the other way around?

Sometimes when you remember the event or events that caused PTSD, all you can remember is the horrible parts. There were other parts that were a lot better, but the strongest memory is the one that took hold. You had some good things happen too. You could have had someone save you. Someone may have come to help you afterwards. More than likely, people you know showed up to see if they could help, to visit you, call you, or offer comfort in whatever way they could. The memories are all still there and you can make the better memories stronger than the bad ones.

Our minds also play tricks because every part of us is involved in the event. Our mind, body and spirit are all hit. Every sense we have absorbs whatever is there just as our eyes take it all in, even though we don't notice what is being recorded in our brains. That is why a smell can be a trigger of the event, or a sound (like with me) and even an anniversary date we do not consciously remember pops up and we are not connecting "then" to our life now.

You need to find some peace with the bad by going back to look at the good that came with it. Keep focusing on that. Those memories will get stronger than the bad ones.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Sunday, March 14, 2021

"there is a better life for me and you."

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 14, 2021

Are you letting PTSD make you miserable? (In this dirty old part of the city where the sun refused to shine) Do you think it is pointless to try to live a happier life? (People tell me there ain't no use in tryin') Why the hell would you believe them?

If you are sick and tired of hearing doom and gloom from people without a single clue about what is possible, then it is time to get out of that place of doubt and into a place of hope because "there is a better life for me and you."

Sometimes over the years, I tried to help someone who seemed to like being miserable. Never could understand someone actually wanting others to feel sorry for them. They treated PTSD like a contest, trying to beat someone else's story of what caused their PTSD. They were sucking all the oxygen out of the room. Other people, who had a hard time talking about their lives, ended up looking at the floor and remained silent. Most people don't want to talk about it even though they know they need to in order to begin to heal.

The worst part was, when people did try to talk, they were shut down. The "patients" in a lot of therapy sessions were forced to tell the their story over and over again and they relieved all the horrible moments, over and over again. The thing was, they were already doing that during flashbacks and nightmares. There was no closure in that type of treatment. Most groups worked a lot better if they were run by someone who did not let one dominate the entire session. Feeling safe to talk, starts to take power away from PTSD. The sooner you start, the sooner is loses power and the sooner you get happier!

Understanding that surviving caused PTSD, is half the battle. There should be no shame in surviving what happened to you. And there is certainly no reason to believe you have to suffer for surviving.
 
Today the featured video is The Animals We Got To Get Out Of This Place
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

We Got To Get Out Of This Place
The Animals

In this dirty old part of the city
Where the sun refused to shine
People tell me there ain't no use in tryin'
Now my girl, you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know
Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away, oh yes I know it
And I've been workin' too, baby (yeah!)
Every night and day (yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
'Cause girl, there's a better life for me and you
Now my girl you're so young and pretty
And one thing I know is true, yeah
You'll be dead before your time is due, I know it
Watch my daddy in bed a-dyin'
Watched his hair been turnin' grey, yeah
He's been workin' and slavin' his life away
I know he's been workin' so hard
Every day baby (yeah!)
Whoa!
(Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!)
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Somewhere baby
Somehow I know it, baby
We gotta get out of this place
If it's the last thing we ever do
We gotta get out of this place
Girl, there's a better life for me and you
Believe me baby
I know it baby
You know it too

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
We Gotta Get out of This Place lyrics © EMI Music Publishing 

bonus
House Of The Rising Sun

It's My Life

Thursday, March 11, 2021

When we grieve, we heal

PTSD Patrol

Kathie Costos
March 11, 2021 

A year ago, our lives changed. In the last year we have lost over 520,000 people. Almost 29 million citizens have been diagnosed with COVID-19 according to the CDC. Millions have lost their jobs. Millions of people have had to seek out food distribution locations to be able to eat. The thing is, we may never know the true numbers of people who have suffered significant mental health conditions.

The UK has been doing research on the mental health of hospital workers.
The 'Frontline-COVID study', published today in the peer-reviewed European Journal of Psychotraumatology, surveyed 1,194 HSCWs, who worked in UK hospitals, nursing or care homes and other community settings, to identify and compare the rates of mental health disorder across different job roles and places of work.

The research, carried out just after the UK's first wave of COVID between 27 May and 23 July, 2020, found that:
58% of HSCWs met the threshold for any mental health disorder
22% met criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
47% had clinically significant anxiety
47% had depression.

With so many months from then to now, it is easy to understand that the numbers are higher and even easier to understand that the numbers here in the US are much higher.

Health care workers facing a mental health crisis, 60 Minutes
Nurses, doctors and others on the frontlines of the pandemic are facing a health crisis of their own, many feeling depressed, some considering therapy. Lowery spoke with health care workers across the country, including in Georgia's rural northeast, where one hospital is still grappling with the deadliest wave of COVID-19 they've ever seen.

Erine Raybon-Rojas, a critical care doctor at Northeast Georgia Medical Center, said her workload is still more than double what it was pre-pandemic -- with no relief in sight.

"Have there been moments that have felt like you're reaching a breaking point or have been difficult – where you have been overwhelmed?" Lowery asked Raybon-Rojas in an excerpt from the story that aired on "CBS This Morning."

"Every day," Raybon-Rojas said. "It's not uncommon for us to take a minute to go cry, I mean, I cry in my office all the time… Everything you do is about getting people better. And a lot of times it just doesn't happen. The lack of being able to help someone in their most vulnerable moments is the injury. The fact that it happens over and over and over again is what I think really causes the-- the damage."

Most of us know what it is like to lose someone we love. It feels like a part of us has been taken away. Some people may give you time to grieve but then end up telling you to get over it. They don't know what you are going through and they do not deserve the right to tell you when it is time to stop grieving. There is no timeline on healing. Everyone does it in their own time, and some people, never really get over the loss, but they do recover to a certain point. 

Do not fight your feelings. Don't judge yourself by thinking you should be stronger than what your heart is telling you that you need to do. If you need to cry, then cry. Honor your feelings. Talk about what you need to talk about. If it is how much you miss them, then do it. If you need to talk about how much you loved them or how much they suffered, then do it. If you don't have someone to talk to, then write it down, or find a support group. The more you honor your feelings, the more room you have inside your heart to let in warmer memories of them.

If you are a healthcare worker, you have been through things most of us will never understand. You have been a blessing. You were there to help save those you could. You were also there to comfort those you could not save, especially when their families could not be there in their final moments. You need to honor your feelings too. If you are angry because too many people did not take this seriously and only thought about themselves, then honor your anger too. You have no control over what other people do but only about what you do with your own life.



Hopefully, this time next year, we'll all be back to whatever normal was to us and we will remember all the goodness, all those we loved and those we miss, with warmer memories to comfort us.

Today the featured song is Peter Gabriel I Grieve because he put into words what most people cannot find to express their own pain. I hope it comforts you and lets you know that it is OK to grieve.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I did this one in 2008 for National Guard troops with the song I Grieve.


I Grieve
Peter Gabriel

It was only one hour ago
It was all so different then
Nothing yet has really sunk in
Looks like it always did
This flesh and bone
Is just the way that we are tied in
But there's no one home
I grieve, for you
You leave, me
So hard to move on
Still loving what's gone
They say life carries on
Carries on and on and on and on
The news that truly shocks
Is the empty, empty page
While the final rattle rocks
It's empty, empty cage
And I can't handle this
I grieve, for you
You leave, me
Let it out and move on
Missing what's gone
They say life carries on
They say life carries on and on and on
Life carries on in the people I meet
In everyone that's out on the street
In all the dogs and cats
In the flies and rats
In the rot and the rust
In the ashes and the dust
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Just the car that we ride in
The home we reside in
The face that we hide in
The way we are tied in
As life carries on and on and on and on
Life carries on and on and on
Did I dream this belief
Or did I believe this dream?
Now I will find relief
I grieve

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Peter Gabriel
I Grieve lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Wednesday, March 10, 2021

find out how to #TakeBackYourLife from it

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 10, 2021

"Darling, somebody still loves you!" Isn't that such a nice thing to hear? If you have been abandoned by everyone you knew, knowing that, can make all the difference in your life. That is what you can find in a PTSD support group. You can find a professional who also cares about you by seeking out a trauma specialist.  PTSD is not the same as other illnesses because this one was caused by an outside force that hit you. When you read about PTSD from the MAYO Clinic, you can see how complicated it can be, but you can also find out how to #TakeBackYourLife from it.

Today the featured video is James Taylor, Her Town Too. It is about how people can be cruel and gossip about things they know nothing about. That happens all the time, but it happens a lot more when people change due to PTSD. It is hard for people to understand what it is like unless they are a survivor too. The thing is, you cannot control them. All you can do is stop them from hurting you even more. Shut them out of your life. The only power they have over you is what you allow them to have.

The best revenge is to heal and be happier! They'll notice the change in you and then it will be more about how happy you seem to be, how great you look and how they want to know how you did it...so they can change their own miserable outlook on life.

You get that from support groups, where someone cares about you and helps you up instead of making fun of the fact you fell apart. Where people will not just be glad to see the change in you, but grateful they had a chance to help you become happier. Then you can help pick others up too and be thrilled you helped change someone's life because you knew what they felt like...when it was your life too.

Somebody still love you!
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Her Town Too
James Taylor 

She's been afraid to go out
She's afraid of the knock on her door
There's always a shade of a doubt
She can never be sure
Who comes to call
Maybe the friend of a friend of a friend
Anyone at all
Anything but nothing again
It used to be her town
It used to be her town, too
It used to be her town
It used to be her town, too
Seems like even her old girlfriends
Might be talking her down
She's got her name on the grapevine
Running up and down
The telephone line
Talking 'bout
Someone said, someone said
Something 'bout, something else
Someone might have said about her
She always figured that they were her friends
But maybe they can live without her
It used to be her town
It used to be her town, too
It used to be her town
It used to be her town, too
Well, people got used to seeing them both together
But now he's gone and life goes on
Nothing lasts forever, oh no
She gets the house and the garden
He gets the boys in the band
Some of them his friends
Some of them her friends
Some of them understand
Lord knows that this is just a small town city
Yes, and everyone can see you fall
It's got nothing to do with pity
I just wanted to give you a call
It used to be your town
It used to be my town, too
You never know 'till it all falls down
Somebody loves you
Somebody loves you
Darling, somebody still loves you
I can still remember
When it used to be her town, too
It used to be your town
It used to be my town, too

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: John David Souther / James Vernon Taylor / Waddy Wachtell
Her Town Too lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC 

Monday, March 8, 2021

rethink fighting PTSD alone

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 8, 2021 

If you are trying to get through what PTSD is doing to you alone, then consider this.

In the military, they are called Battle Buddy.
If hundreds of soldiers were talked out of that darkness because their squadmate became their best friend, I’ll forever argue its merit, no matter how goofy it sounds calling another grown-ass warfighter my “battle buddy.”
5 reasons why the battle buddy system was secretly brilliant, We Are The Mighty, Eric Milzarski

With the Department of Veterans Affairs, they are called Peer Support.
“When I began peer support, I was quiet, withdrawn, extremely habitual,” she recalled. “I wasn’t engaged in the community. But they told me someone is in there and we are going to give you the skills to bring her back.
“The beautiful thing about peer support is that there is no pressure. They allowed me to play the game, using old habits to mask and cope. It allowed me to know other Veterans are struggling. Peer support allowed me to put that on a shelf and be a human being again.”
Peer support specialists help Veterans in crisis VAntage Point, Coast Guard Veteran Lavinia Jackson
If you join any support group, someone is there for you. If not then you may call them your friend, spouse, family member, or anyone else who is there for you to turn to.

Why would you ever think you should fight this on your own? So many found strength leaning on someone when they needed it, then being there when someone else did!
Alcoholics Anonymous, gives people a sponsor. Support groups all have someone there to help others. This is all there because it works. If you are a veteran and you get arrested, most states have Veterans Courts, where someone is assigned to help you get what you need to have another chance to recover. Some prisons have units where they put veterans all in together because it is understood that most of the time, the trouble started with putting their lives on the line and they have support with them. 

This is why the featured video today is Melissa Manchester, Just You And I!

Now if you think you should still fight to heal PTSD alone, you might way to rethink that one because it is probably not working for you.  Time to find out what will!
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from PTSD

Just You And I
Melissa Manchester 

When your heroes go up in a puff,
And there's not enough to hang on to
And the ones you would count on to call
They all fall down all around you
Then you've got to believe there's more
It is the reason we're put here for
It's just you and I
When the legend's over - and we have just begun
We can look to each other to see us through
Just you and I
When a miracle's long overdue
And there's no one who's gonna come to guide you
So you keep looking up to the sky - wondering why
The clouds won't hide you
At the times when you're most afraid
That is the reason why dreams are made
It's just you and I
When the legend's over - and we have just begun
We can look to each other to see us through
Just you and I

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Carole Bayer Sager / Melissa Manchester / Melissa Toni Manchester
Just You and I lyrics © BMG Rights Management, Carlin America Inc 

A newly reimagined recording of Melissa’s early hit, “Just You And I”
Melissa Manchester’s latest single, a newly reimagined recording of her early hit, “JUST YOU AND I” is a Labor Day Week tribute to the essential workers and first responders who are getting us all through the coronavirus crisis. The Grammy Award winning singer/songwriter is joined by legendary saxophonist Gerald Albright and the young artists from Citrus College in this updated version of the 1976 Billboard charted classic.

September 8th, 2020 

One of my old videos from 2006....

Sunday, March 7, 2021

the most powerful word is FREEWILL

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 7, 2021

Everyone seems to think that "freedom" is the most powerful word. They are wrong because the most powerful word is FREEWILL. That is what God gave all of us. If even He did not get involved in trying to control it, we shouldn't think we have the power to control it in others. We are all free to make our own choices, believe what we want to believe and do what we want to do according to our own freewill.

Most of the time, PTSD is caused by what someone did. We had no control over them but ended up paying a price for what they did. Sometimes there were legal consequences for them but other times, they got away with it. At least we think they did. The truth is, we never know how what they did affected them. That is not our problem.

We are responsible for what we choose to do afterwards. After my ex-husband tried to kill me, he stalked me for a long time. As a survivor, it was up to me do decide how to live. I chose to fight back. I chose to not allow him to destroy the rest of my life. I also chose to let the rest of my life mean something. I chose to let my "soul shine" and be a better person.


There is power in that choice. That power came from my soul and gave me peace. 

No one has the power to control anything anyone else does but we do have the power to make our own choices and there is nothing more powerful than that. Use your power to be the best person you can be and let your soul shine. That is why today the featured video is Allman Brothers Soulshine.

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


Soulshine
Allman Brothers Band


When you can't find the light
That guides you through a cloudy day
When the stars ain't shinin bright
And you feel like you've lost you're way
When the candle lights of home
Burn so very far away
Well you got to let your soul shine
Just like my daddy used to say
He used to say soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshine
Damn sure better than rain
Hey now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
I grew up thinkin that I had it made
Gonna make it on my own
But life can take the strongest man
And make him feel so alone
Now and then I feel a cold wind
Blowin through my achin bones
I think back to what my daddy said
He said Boy, in the darkness before the dawn
Let your soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people dont mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
Sometimes a man can feel this emptiness
Like a woman has robbed him of his very soul
A woman too, God knows, she can feel like this
And when your world seems cold
You got to let your spirit take control
Let your soul shine
It's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Lord now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day
Oh, it's better than sunshine
It's better than moonshne
Damn sure better than rain
Yeah now people don't mind
We all get this way sometimes
Got to let your soul shine
Shine till the break of day

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Warren Haynes
Soulshine lyrics © Buzzard Rock Music


The Allman Brothers Band - Soulshine - 
8/14/1994 - Woodstock 94

Saturday, March 6, 2021

Some people never see the light

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 6, 2021

Maybe you heard someone say, "Some people don't want to be saved." I'd like to know, "If anyone told them they could be saved or that they were worth saving?" Sometimes that is all it takes to make them want to be saved. 

If you heard the saying, "You can't save everyone" then you'll understand how hard it is to see some people suffer, when so many others heal. You wonder why the person in your life wasn't one of happy ending stories. 

Just like alcoholics and drug addicts need to reach rock bottom before they are ready to change, some never do. Sometimes you do have to give up even when you still love them.

You wonder all the time if you should have let them walk away or chased after them. Then the other questions start about how hard you tried, if you knew then what you know now, if you had been more patient, if you had been able to do the tough love stuff, if this, if that and the questions never end.

Some of the hardest cases I've had is when I explain what PTSD is and how much power they had over their future, but they expected me to wave a magic wand to make their pain go away. They didn't want to do any of the work on themselves...for themselves. 

So what do you do when some people never see the light? You do the best you can and give them a chance to want to live a happier life or not. It is a chance they wouldn't have gotten otherwise.

Most of the time families fall apart because the foundation is not strong. It was built on a fantasy of making themselves feel better and nothing more. Some families fall apart because PTSD got in the way and no matter what they tried to do, no matter what they said, the one they loved decided to just suffer and let the whole family suffer with them. 

It is hard! You wonder what else you could have done but the real question you want to find the answer for is, why didn't they do what they needed to do for you?

That is because you are taking it personally. You may want to think that your love should have been enough for them to want to change. You may blame yourself. The truth is, it is and always was about them.

The only thing you can do is learn all you can about PTSD for your own sake. That way you'll understand why they acted the way they did and finally understand it had nothing to do with you. You can stop blaming yourself and put the blame where it belongs. On a past event you had no power over and no power over someone you loved. 

Sometimes there are no easy answers. Everyone is different. There are a lot more people than you know who are going through the same thing you are, but they just won't admit it.

Remember it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD


I've Been This Way Before
Neil Diamond

I've seen the light
And I've seen the flame
And I've been this way before
And I'm sure to be this way again
For I've been refused
And I've been regained
And I've seen your eyes before
And I'm sure to see your eyes again
Once again
For I've been released
And I've been regained
And I've sung my song before
And I'm sure to sing my song again
Once again
Some people got to laugh
Some people got to cry
Some people got to make it through
By never wondering why
Some people got to sing
Some people got to sigh
Some people never see the light
Until the day they die
But I've been released
And I've been regained
And I've been this way before
And I'm sure to be this way again
Once again
One more time again
Just one more time

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Neil Diamond
I’ve Been This Way Before lyrics © Stonebridge Music, Stonebridge-music Inc., Sony/atv Sounds Llc Obo Stonebridge Music 

Friday, March 5, 2021

Even if nobody else sings along

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 5, 2021 

I've been singing the same tune for almost 4 decades. The beat changes as the mood changes, but the message has not changed. Same message even though too many did not sing along with me. Sorry but I refused to sell out a long time ago, even though joining the groups more interested in raising money would have made it easier on me, it wouldn't have been easier on my soul.

One of the groups who are all about raising suicide awareness contacted me to promote their business. Yes, their "business" as if making money is all that matters to them. Actually that is what they have been all about. Changing the conversation from the doom and gloom has not happened and this is the result. This is from Tampa Bay Times.
The VA noted that data continue to show 132 Americans, including 20 service members and veterans, die on average each day by suicide. And (former) VA Secretary Robert Wilkie stated: “Just as there is no single cause of suicide, no single organization can end veteran suicide alone. 
That is the result of letting people know they are killing themselves. If you Google "suicide awareness" you end up with over 9 million results and most of them are tied to veterans. What about the other Americans who also need help? We've seen that suicide awareness does not work for currently military members any more than it works for veterans. How could anyone ever think it would work on anyone? It can't and it won't but after decades of pretending it will make a difference to anyone, they continue to sing the same tone deaf tune!

I needed something to make myself feel better this morning and then as I started to search for a music video, the incredible voice of Cass Elliot popped into my head. I found the video and as I listened to it, especially the part where she sings, "You're gonna be nowhere,The loneliest kind of lonely,It may be rough going,Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do, But you gotta make your own kind of music" I felt a lot better.

If you are doing this work for the right reasons and the right way, you are probably lonely too. There is nothing glamorous about it and will not make you wealthy but it does fill your soul. Doing the right thing for the right reasons is never easy especially when you know you can change their world for the better.



When I read a suicide report, or hear about someone who never found what they needed to heal, my confidence gets shattered. I knew I could have made a difference but when I was not given the chance, it makes me depressed. I keep wondering how much more can I do so they find me? How do I compete with people making money off their heartache so they have the ability to reach more and get more money while more are killing themselves?

Yes, I was ripping myself apart until this song got me to stop and think about how it isn't my problem they are getting the attention. One day they will have to answer for what harm they have actually done. All I can do is do my best to get the message out there and help them know they can heal. To understand a happier life is waiting for them if they want it.

So, today this featured video is for us...the ones who are dedicated to changing the conversation from doom and gloom to #BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD because they can!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!

Make Your Own Kind Of Music 
Cass Elliot, also known as Mama Cass

Nobody can tell you
There's only one song worth singing
They may try and sell you
Cause it hangs them up
To see someone like you
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You're gonna be nowhere
The loneliest kind of lonely
It may be rough going
Just to do your thing is the hardest thing to do
But you gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
So if you cannot take my hand
And if you must be going, I will understand
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own special song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music
Sing your own kind of song 
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
You gotta make your own kind of music 
Sing your own kind of song
Make your own kind of music
Even if nobody else sings along
No no no no
Even if nobody else sings along
If nobody else sings along

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Barry Mann / Cynthia Weil
Make Your Own Kind of Music lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC

Calling all angels

Wounded Times PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos April 15, 2021 Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and vetera...

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It is your life, get in and drive it