Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts
Showing posts with label relationship. Show all posts

Thursday, March 25, 2021

Does the person in your life know you love them?

PTSD Patrol and Wounded Times
Kathie Costos
March 25, 2021

Does the person in your life know you love them? If you have PTSD and you are not talking to them about what is going on with you, then they will think you just don't love them anymore. Today the featured video is Bonnie Raitt, I Can't Make You Love Me because there have been too many conversations from women giving up on their marriages and relationships with veterans.

This can apply to husbands, because we also have to face the fact that there are female veterans too. It can apply to anyone with PTSD in a relationship because you are leaving them to believe you don't love them anymore. What other choice can they make if you won't tell them why you changed?

They can only base what they feel on how you treat them, how you act toward them and how you talk to them. It sucks!

You may be destroying a relationship that is strong enough to last the rest of your life because you won't talk to them or even try to get them to know what is in your heart.

"You can't make your heart feel something it won't," is what they think. I know because I almost gave up on my marriage. I remember driving and this song came on the radio. I'd cry hard enough I had to pull over until I could see better and wiped the tears from my face. I had no way of knowing if there was any love left or not, even though I knew what PTSD was.

What made it harder for me was dealing with what my ex-husband did when he tried to kill me, proving my life didn't matter to him, even though he said the words out of his mouth. My second husband and I have been married for over 36 years now and because he started to make the effort to trust me enough to talk about Vietnam, I was sure that while his actions had nothing to do with me even though it effected me deeply.

It is time to think about the person you share your life with or you won't be doing it much longer.
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't


Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it! 
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

I Can’t Make You Love Me
Bonnie Raitt

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me
Tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holding me
Morning will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight
'Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
'Cause I can't make you love me, if you don't

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: Michael Reid / Allen Shamblin
I Can’t Make You Love Me lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group, Amplified Administration 

Sunday, March 21, 2021

PTSD: the wounds that were carried back home to you

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 21, 2021

Today I am going to let one of the first videos I did on PTSD replace the daily video from me. Wounded Minds was a labor of love back in 2006. It had over 10,000 views but after a couple of years, I moved the videos from YouTube. (Big mistake) Anyway, my confidence was taking beating lately because of  all the reports about people suffering instead of healing. Whenever I get this way, I usually go through old emails to remind me of why I do this work.

One of the old emails I came across was from the ex-wife of a Vietnam veteran. She never stopped loving him but they didn't know what PTSD was before they ended a long marriage. Her kids were suffering, she was suffering and so was the veteran. She said she wished she knew what was in this video before they decided to get divorced. 

I told her it was not too late to still have a relationship with him, or at least try to reconnect. She promised to learn more and then, try to talk to him so he would get help to heal. This is why I do this work. And this is why I will never stop doing it.

Today the featured videos are about relationships ending, but love still existing. The Carpenters, Hurting Each Other and Rose Royce Wishing On A Star.

If you still care about someone you had to walk away from, because you did not know what you needed to know, I hope this comforts you. Keep in mind that you did the best you could with what you knew at the time, and now you know more than you did back then. It is up to you what you do with that knowledge. If nothing else, I hope it helps you heal your heart by knowing it really didn't have anything to do with you, but the wounds that were carried back home to you.
In 2006 I created this video on Wounded Minds. Long before PTSD was in the news, families like mine were doing the best we could to make our veterans lives better. Sometimes we failed but after three decades, I'm still married. I still have no idea how other families do it when they know hardly nothing about PTSD. I knew almost everything and there were times when it was almost impossible to find hope. The key is to learn as much as you can, love as an active partner in their healing and find what works to make your lives better! This is from my old website, NamGuardianAngel. Go to Combat PTSD Wounded Times to learn more.

Hurting Each Other
The Carpenters 

No one in the world
Ever had a love as sweet as my love
For nowhere in the world
Could there be a boy as true as you, love
All my love I give gladly to you
All your love you give gladly to me
Tell me why then, oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Closer than the leaves
On a weeping willow, baby, we are
Closer dear are we
Than the simple letters A and B are
All my life I could love only you
All your life you could love only me
Tell me why, then?
Oh why should it be that
We go on hurting each other
We go on hurting each other
Making each other cry
Hurting each other
Without ever knowing why
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other
Gotta stop hurting each other
Making each other cry
Breaking each other's heart
Tearing each other apart
Can't we stop hurting each other

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: Udell Peter David / Geld Gary
Hurting Each Other lyrics © Bibo Music Publishing, Inc. 


I'm Wishing on a Star
Rose Royce 

I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who really dream
And I'm wishing on tomorrow, praying it'll come
And I'm wishing on all the loving we've ever done
No, I never thought I'd see
A time when you would be
So far away from home
So far away from me
Just think of all the moments that we'd spend
I just can't let you go, for me you were meant
And I didn't mean to hurt you, but I know
That in the game of love you reap what you sow
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never
I feel it's time we should make up, baby
I feel it's time for us to get back together
And make the best of things, oh baby
When we're together, whether or never, oh
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream
To follow what it means
And I'm wishing on the rainbows that I've seen
I'm wishing on the people who've ever been
And I'm hoping on all the days to come and days to go
I'm hoping on days of loving you so
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a star, oh, oh
And I'm wishing on all the rainbows that I see
I'm wishing on a star
To follow where you are
I'm wishing on a dream, baby
And I'm following all the rainbows that I see

Source: Musixmatch
Wishing on a Star lyrics © Warner-tamerlane Publishing Corp., May Twelfth Music 

Thursday, March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from?

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 18, 2021

Who did you run away from? If you have PTSD, leaving the people in your life is common. It is also common that you never gave them a chance to know what you were going through, and all too likely, left them without ever telling them the real reason that made you leave. If you did, then your biggest problem is not having PTSD. Your biggest problem is having it but not knowing what it is. If you did, then you'd know there is nothing to be ashamed of. You're a survivor of something that could have killed you and that is the only reason you got hit by PTSD.

If you didn't give the people you shared your life with a chance, then you pre-judged them. You didn't give them a chance to support you, comfort you, help you, or yes, decide they didn't want to stay with you. You just assumed it would end badly.

Today the featured videos are Carole King, So Far Away and The 5th Dimension One Less Bell To Answer. More than likely the people you walked away from have no idea why you did. You'll never know until you try to communicate with them and explain it to them. First learn what you need to know and then give them a chance. If you think the next relationship will be any different, it won't be because they will not really know you and you will prove you really don't trust them.
Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD
So Far Away
Carole King

So far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're just time away
Long ago, I reached for you and there you stood
Holding you again could only do me good
How I wish I could
But you're so far away
One more song about movin' along the highway
Can't say much of anything that's new
If I could only work this life out my way
I'd rather spend it bein' close to you
But, you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
Doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Traveling around sure gets me down and lonely
Nothing else to do but close my mind
I sure hope the road don't come to own me
There's so many dreams I've yet to find
But you're so far away
Doesn't anybody stay in one place anymore?
It would be so fine to see your face at my door
And it doesn't help to know
You're so far away
Yeah, you're so far away
Hey, you're so far away

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: King Carole
So Far Away lyrics © Straitjacket Songs Ltd. 


One Less Bell To Answer
5th Dimension 

One less bell to answer...
One less egg to fry
One less man to pick up after
I should be happy
But all I do is cry
(Cry cry no more laughter)
Oh, I should be happy
(Oh, why did he go?)
I only know that since he left
My life's so empty
Though I try to forget
It just can't be done
Each time the doorbell rings
I still run (I still run)
I don't know how in the world
To stop thinking of him
'Cause I still love him so
(Love him so)
I end each day the way I start out
Crying my heart out
Oh...
One less man to pick up after...
No more laughter...
No more love... (no more love)
Since he went
Oh, he went away
(He went away)
(One less bell to answer)
Why did he leave me?
(Oh why why did he leave?)
Now I've got one less egg to fry (one less bell to answer)
One less egg to fry
(Oh why why did he leave?) And all I do is cry
(One less bell to answer) Because my man told me goodbye
(Oh why why did he leave?)
(One less bell to answer) Somebody tell me please where did he go? why did he go?
(Oh, why?) Tell me how could he leave me
(Why did he leave?)

Source: Musixmatch
Songwriters: David Hal / Bacharach Burt F
One Less Bell To Answer lyrics © New Hidden Valley Music Co., New Hidden Valley Music Company, Casa David Music, Songs Of Fujimusic, New Hidden Valley Music Co, Bmg Rights Management (uk) Ltd (hal David) 

Tuesday, March 2, 2021

Just another heart in need of rescue

PTSD Patrol
Kathie Costos
March 2, 2021

All too often people with PTSD will go from one relationship to another, without ever discovering what went wrong. They end up blaming the other person and move on. The trouble is, they never developed a strong relationship with themselves.

How can you think you can give something to someone else, you are unable to give to yourself? If you have PTSD, there is a rush of good feelings coming to you with the start of something new with someone else. That rush wears off and you are left alone again, just as sad and in even more pain.

Stop! Stop starting something you are not willing to succeed at. Get to know yourself enough to like yourself again and to love whatever is lovable about you. Be happy to be by yourself and then you can be happy being with someone else.

When you heal and you are ready, you'll be able to give the new person in your life, the best parts of you and then it can work. If not, you'll just keep "waiting on love's sweet charity" to make it work.


In case you didn't guess by now, the featured video is Whitesnake Here I Go Again!

Remember, it is your life...get in and drive it!
#BreakTheSilence and #TakeBackYourLife from #PTSD

Here I Go Again
Whitesnake

I don't know where I'm goin'
But I sure know where I've been
Hanging on the promises in songs of yesterday
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again, here I go again
Tho' I keep searching for an answer
I never seem to find what I'm looking for
Oh Lord, I pray you give me strength to carry on
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Just another heart in need of rescue
Waiting on love's sweet charity
An' I'm gonna hold on for the rest of my days
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
And here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
But here I go again, here I go again,
Here I go again, here I go
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
An' I've made up my mind, I ain't wasting no more time
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone
'Cause I know what it means to walk along the lonely street of dreams
Here I go again on my own
Goin' down the only road I've ever known
Like a drifter I was born to walk alone

Source: LyricFind
Songwriters: David Coverdale / Bernie Marsden
Here I Go Again lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Warner Chappell Music, Inc 

Calling all angels

Wounded Times PTSD Patrol Kathie Costos April 15, 2021 Today my heart is broken. Two reports about the suicides in the military and vetera...

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It is your life, get in and drive it